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Verastic

Authentic conversations about culture, motherhood, divorce, black excellence, humor, and style!

Dear Vera, I Slept With My Ex’s Mother [And Her Father Knows]

Dear Vera,

I am in a very nasty fix which I don’t know how to get out of.

I work in one of the better established banks and in 2013 I met and started dating this girl that had been posted to our branch as a corper. We were an item for over 9 months, but when she left to complete a masters program abroad the relationship sort of fizzled out.

Given that she had introduced me to a couple of her family members including her cousin, I accidentally bumped into this cousin in a party in VI, and to cut a long story short, I dated this girl for over a year. After a while she and I parted amicably as we both had incompatible visions. However during the time I dated her, she had introduced me to my first girl friend’s elder sister.

When my first girl friend’s elder sister found out that I was no longer with her cousin, she got in touch with me and did not hide her intention on dating me. After a while she introduced me to the family as we both felt that the relationship was going somewhere. However we eventually drifted apart when it became obvious to her that I was not quite ready to settle down.

My current dilemma is that her mum being a bit of a looker and a society lady, felt attracted to me and we eventually hooked up. During one of our secret liaisons in their house, we were caught pants down by her husband who happens to be well connected. He seemed to be quite calm with the way he dealt with the whole situation by politely asking me to leave his house and not to come back.

I do not know how this man got hold of my number with which he called me. He mandated a meeting which I was in no position to refuse. When we met, he told me that given that I had shagged his two daughters, his niece, his mistress (which I was not aware was his ho when I humped her) and now his wife, that he feels left out. He is threatening to ensure that I lose my job and that he would make my life so miserable in Lagos if he does not get his share. Vera, I am not gay and I feel quite repulsed about the whole idea. He has given me up to next week Wednesday to perform, otherwise…..

Should I go to the police or just bend over and think of England? The problem is that this chap is a high profile politician with connection.

Help.

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sweet Potato,

Thank you for sending me a Dear Vera mail. I had to read your mail twice to understand everything you wrote. First of all, what is wrong with you? Why would you sleep with a girl and her relativeS? That is way too messy. Yes, indeed, you are now in a nasty fix. Well, I have thought long and hard, and this is as far as my mind takes me: you have 5 options:

Option 1: You CAN tell the police, but this is Nigeria (and according to you, he is a powerful and influential man), so it’s difficult to predict whether telling the police will move you from frying pan to fire or vice versa. Weigh your options. Honestly, I wouldn’t do this, if I were you.

Option 2: Tell your boss that your life is in danger and request a transfer to another branch in another State. [But again, if this man is as influential and powerful as you make him sound, he can probably still find you since your current branch/boss will know of your whereabouts]

Option 3: Quit your job completely, change your name, change your number, and move to a different part of the country.

Option 4: Can you leave the country, even if it’s to neighboring Ghana?

Option 5: I don’t know how viable this option is, but can you get down on your knees and beg him for forgiveness with all you have [not including your butt hole]?

P.S. I do not support that you bend over and take it from that man, unless you are about that life — in which case, do you boo boo.

P.P.S. The silver lining here is that he’s not threatening to kill you; he’s only threatening to make you lose your job. Hopefully, that’s all he means too by saying that he will make your life miserable in Lagos. If so, consider your job lost and start looking for a new job. I hope you have a savings account!

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*** Read past Dear Vera mails here.

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Thank you for reading!  Please understand that I am not a professional and I am only giving you my opinion, which you can act upon at your own risk. Read my disclosure for details. Meanwhile, if you are interested in sending me a Dear Vera mail, you may do it in one of three ways: (1) Directly via email [blog at verastic.com], (2) Through my contact page [and this is technically be anonymous], and (3) Completely anonymously through my ASK.FM page. Every means of contact can be found here.

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Comments

  1. Quaggar says

    Is this for real? Lol. And I thought I was adventurous…

    Issokei! Dunno what else to say.

  2. Calabar Gal says

    Dear Poster,

    You are OYO. I support Vera – bending over is not an option. He might be trying to scare you but believe me, if you do take it, there could be a video which will definitely go viral.

    My thoughts? Three words – Relocation, Relocation, Relocation!!

  3. Calabar Gal says

    Dear Poster,

    You are OYO. I support Vera – bending over is not an option. He might be trying to scare you but believe me, if you do take it, there could be a video which will definitely go viral.

    My thoughts? Three words – Relocation, Relocation, Relocation!!

    P.S: Serves you right for being such a ‘scallywag’!

  4. M says

    Ntonyiiiiiiii! Ohonyiiii! Obewennn!!! Serves you right HE GOAT! 😛

    He can scatter ya yansh for all I care.

    Na wetin dey sweet you wan kill you so.

    #AssWipe

  5. Chizzy says

    Haa. My dear, sorry is your name oh. Not to be unfair, but trust you were feeling like the boss during your adventures. If you weren’t caught, you wouldn’t have been feeling sorry

  6. Berry Dakara says

    Nah, this can’t be real. But dude, you dated one girl, then dated her cousin, and still thought to move on to her sister?!?!?!?

    Are you THAT horny for that family that you couldn’t find someone else?

  8. OME says

    Closet vera follower….coming out 🙂
    Not sure why anyone will feel sorry for this fella. But from the way this guy sounds he wont quit his job…I suggest he goes to beg, prostrate, wail, roll on the floor and somehow get the whole thing on video/audito…and then blackmail the guy since he’s a politician :)….the adventure continues

    • Pendo says

      I like your suggestion on documenting and blackmailing. Oya Mr. Messy answer don land. But is this for real though??? Stuff reality shows are made of hahaha

    • Vera Ezimora says

      Hi OME!!!! I love when closet followers reveal themselves. Woo hoo! I did not at all think of your suggestion. Well, I thought of the begging part, but definitely not the blackmailing part. It’s a risk, but if it works, good for him.

      Thank you for reading, OME. I hope you come back 🙂

  9. lady ngo says

    this cant be life. sounds way too much like a nollywood film. lmbo though. serves you right if this id true. who smashes someone’s entire family and thinks the (s)ugar (h)oney (i)ced (t)ea wont eventually hit the fan?

  10. Afro Mozi says

    Lemme get this straight. You banged an entire family and now daddy is asking for his share? Whoa. All I can say is DO NOT bend over no matter what you do. Pray over it. God will help you.

  11. MsDawari says

    Lmao! Ask God to forgive you first and then deal with your other problems afterwards.

    But, brace up though; this will follow you for a very very long time.

  12. Realness says

    This has got 2 be a joke ryt?
    Y blame the dude thou for enjoying a ‘lose’ family?
    The ladies in that family introduced him to the other family members while he dated dem..meaning that each lady knew he dated the other but still went ahead 2 date the same guy…mehn the guy must be a beast in bed.
    I think the Dad might just be pulling his legs thou..lmao

    http://www.realnessisme.blogspot.com

    • Vera Ezimora says

      Realness, haba, I don’t agree with this one oh. Yes, the family is questionable, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should. I, too, hope that the father is joking. Or else …

  13. dazzy says

    I think this guy cooked up this story. Is this possible? I don’t think so. Mr if you are really going through this, you deserve every punishment that come your way. You are very irresponsible.

  14. Sweet Potato says

    What I am getting from you all is a “hollier than thou” twaddles, and the advice from Vera does not fully cut it for me. I aint a quiter and have no intention of scampering from Lagos or quiting my job because of an old man that has no time for his wife and family.

    Lets all rewind! Any suggestion on gels and creams to ease my ordeal?

    • Vera Ezimora says

      Lol.

      Sweet Potato, I don’t think that people are being holier than thou. I think people are just genuinely shocked that you’d be sexually intimate with so many women from one family, especially with their mom. It’s kind of nasty. No, it’s really nasty. You sef, think na. But goodluck taking it all in oh. Lol.

  15. Breathe says

    Honestly, I’d like to hear what happened to that crusty anus afterwards. Did you swallow and did you take up the other side with baby oil? Eh? Mr Lustful Bumba, did you incarnate to monitor and destroy the man’s life?
    But I hope you didn’t have to get that butthole sewn afterall?

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