Consider this picture to be the porn picture placeholder
Of all the awkward situations I’d rather never have with my mother, this is definitely high up there. My friend, Solachi (Busola) got married in 2007. But before she got married, we had a surprise bridal shower for her. At this bridal shower, one of her friends gave her about 3 or 4 porn DVDs to prepare her for marriage (she was a virgin). Out of curiosity, we – Uju, Solachi, and I – decided to watch a couple of them.
I remember we watched one in Uju’s house, and then somehow, I ended up with one in my house. I honestly don’t remember if it was the one we watched, or if it was another, but I just know I had it with me.
The plan was to give it back to Solachi the next time we saw each other, but it never happened. I had hidden the DVD somewhere in my bookshelf in my bedroom, in between books, and I just forgot it there. That was until the day I came home and found it sitting on my bedroom desk with mom giving me a look that was between shocked, disappointed, confused, and disgusted. Ugh!
I was burning up inside, and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I always use the line, “It’s not what it looks like, I can explain” when I’m trying to be funny, but in this instance, I was not joking at all, and the line was so apt, but it was impossible to say it without looking and sounding guilty. It really was not what it looked like, and I really could explain!
I did explain it to my mom, and till this day, I don’t know if she believed me or not. More importantly, I hope she has forgotten it. My mom and I have always had a kind of relationship where I pretend to be holy and not know any bad thing, while [I think] she pretends to believe my pretense. So to have her find this nasty movie in my possession was just something I could not have ever prepared for. I never did return the DVD to Solachi after mom found it. I just broke it and threw it away.
In other news, how do you feel about watching porn? Sometimes I convince myself that couples might need it to enhance their sexual life, if things are not going great, but most times, I feel deeply within my spirit that it’s not okay. My spirit says it’s wrong, but my brain/body tries to come up with all kinds of scientific reasons to justify it. The questions I often ask myself are (1) If Jesus was standing right here, would I watch it? And (2) If I say that watching porn is perfectly okay, then what sets me apart from the world (cause the world believes it’s perfectly okay)?
I don’t want to sound perfect or like a godly girl because I am far from that, but I’m just opening up about one of the many struggles I have. Just to be clear, I do not watch porn. Back in 2012, I blogged about watching porn, and that was when I had some kind of porn binge. A friend – he knows himself – and I were having a conversation and he was trying to explain to me why watching porn was somewhat therapeutic and helpful, so I checked the website out. I watched one video to the other to the other. Read post here.
I want to say more about this porn experience, but I’m starting to feel this post digress to a subject I was not planning on tackling, not in this way anyway. But if you want me to, I’ll blog about it more extensively in another post. In conclusion, mommy and I have never, ever discussed that porn DVD incidence again, and I hope – God, I pray – that she has forgotten it because I sure haven’t! It still makes me cringe. Yikes!!
