To Date A Married Man

In the generation before ours, and in the generation before the generation before ours, there were people – men and women – who questioned if marital fidelity truly existed. And now, in this generation, here I am, among many others, questioning the same issue, wondering if it is just an ideology instead of an actual day of life.

There have been many cases of married men who have come to speak the words to me that in their heads, no woman can say no to: I want to marry you. There have been men who have tried to pretend to be unmarried, men who have said they are unmarried but quickly explained why their wives have made it an unbearable marriage, and why I, have been sent by God to save them, and there have been men who have sat on the fence, not saying what they are or aren’t, but playing with the idea of being whatever they thought I wanted them to be. But every single time, I am left wondering what kind of women they are married to and what said women are going through.

I remember specifically the case of that guy in church. He had moved to Maryland from another State, and it was his first time visiting my church. He approached me and tried to sell his business to me, saying he could help my own business. At the end, business cards were exchanged. That evening he called and sang a different song. He wanted to know if he could take me to dinner, and if I could be his mistress. Brownie points for not being pretentious.

I learned a lot from him in that one conversation. I learned that he was married with kids, that his wife was pompous and thereby, the inherent cause of his displeasure and dissatisfaction, that monogamy was unnatural, that biblical men were never monogamous (like David), that infidelity actually makes a marriage stronger because when a man sleeps with another woman, it makes his wife more desirable, that he was going to give me money out of his school stipend whenever I needed it, that all I needed to do for him was keep him company by cooking for him, going on dates with him, and of course, letting him invade my privacy with the only appendage that makes him think he’s a man, and finally, that he will let me get married when it’s time. It was just the offer of my dreams. I cannot imagine why I turned it down.

But it was only a couple weeks later that he stood on the altar and sold his product to church, praising the Most High God, and saying how imperative it was to live a holy life and obey His word. And the congregation, they clapped for him and shouted alleluia, amen, and glory. And when he was done, they invested their hard earned money into his cock shit. They called it a sowed seed. I knew better. I sat and watched in horror as he led God’s people astray. And then, I prayed for God to help me, for it was not my place to determine if the ground should open up and swallow him or if lightening should strike through the ceiling and transport his soul to his forefathers.

There are many arguments from the other side, arguments that pass off as excuses, not justifications. Just because we can do something does not mean we should do it. But the other side, they have different reasons why a married man cheats. It is because his wife has gotten fat, because she cares more about her career than she does about her home, because she did not give him children, because she did not give him male children, because she is disrespectful and not submissive, because she does not cook, and because there are women who are willing to be cheated with.

As long as there are women who are willing to be cheated with, married men will always cheat. Should we then all point guns to our heads because there are guns willing to be shot, because we have the hands to shoot them, and because we have enough problems to want to end it all? When a man who is unable to handle the trials of life decides to take his own life, he is called a punk for taking the easy way out. But if this same man were to take the easy way out by cheating on his wife instead of just walking away, he is called *DRUM ROLL, PLEASE* … a man! Oh, but of course.

It was only last month that I made the acquaintance of Abiodun ‘Omoba’ Olubode at a mutual friend’s house. He calls himself Omoba. He was there with his wife and son. The conversation between me and Omoba did not go past gadgets. Specifically, Blackberry and Nikon. I saw him again a couple of weeks later at a naming ceremony where again, he inquired of my Nikon flash. When he added me on Facebook, I accepted because he was now officially someone I technically knew.

But Omoba sent me a Facebook message that changed the dynamic of things. He said he had dreamt about me twice the night before, that he thought there was something about me, that he did not know how to tell his partner, that he wanted me to keep his feelings between us –“no third party please” – and what did I think. I did not reply.

When listeners added me on Skype during the live show on Saturday morning, I accepted everyone as usual, only to realize that Omoba was one of the people who added me. The hawk had sneaked in with the chickens. He wanted to know my number, if I had received his messages on Facebook, why I had not replied his messages, and if I was worried about his marital status. I promised to reply his message on Facebook.

Days later, I had still not replied Omoba, and he took it upon himself to send several more messages, inquiring of my whereabouts and stating that he was sure I could not possibly be that busy. Of course not. What else could I have on my to-do list, but to reply Omoba’s messages?

Women have more reasons than I know of for dating married men: money, sex, love, infatuation, good looks, prestige, fun, lack of commitment, ignorance, etc. It is said that if one must eat a frog, then one should eat a very fat one. Neither wealth nor fame nor extreme good looks nor intellectual acquisition did Omoba have. Even at rock bottom, I would have no excuse. But what is it that compels his confidence?

When I replied his message and included a four-letter word that rhymes with his insatiable meatless appendage – the possible cause of all his problems – I also predicted his next move. And just like the fly that entered the grave with the dead body, he did as I said he would. He said it was not him, that he did not know what I was talking about, that his Facebook and Skype accounts were both simultaneously hacked, and that I should please explain to him what was going on. In spite of his alleged innocence, he went ahead to call several mutual friends, telling them to plead his guilty case. The smart ones knew better.

Whether or not women have – by their words and by their actions – enabled their husbands to start illicit affairs is not a subject for debate. The honest ones among us know what we have done and what we are capable of doing. That said, the decision to stay faithful and stick it out or seek pleasure elsewhere is still the man’s decision. It is still a choice, and just like every other choice, the one making it has to own full responsibility for it. And not every man has an enabling wife. Some men just want to eat out of both hands.

Omoba’s wife contacted me to commit the ultimate blunder, an epic fail in its entirety. Her husband, according to her, would never stoop so low. I agree with her. It is impossible to stoop to any kind of low when you are already at the bottom. There is only one time that a married woman should contact the alleged other woman, and that is when her husband has done everything in his power to get rid of her. In any other case, contacting the other woman is like changing her light bulb when there is no electricity. Whether she uses sixty watts, hundred watts, or halogen lights, they will remain off. She can contact the other woman from now till kingdom come, but he who contacts her last, contacts her best. And that would be the cheating husband.

If this entire piece reads as if I mostly hold the married man accountable for his affairs, it is because I do. Morally, it is clear that no woman should be romantically or sexually involved with a married man who is not her husband. But between the lawless woman and the married man, only one of them has made a vow and commitment to another woman saying that he will forsake all others and cling only to his wife, saying that he will stick by her, come what may, till life evades him. Records will reflect that that person is not the lawless woman.

People may be quick to blame the other woman, calling her a whore and a home breaker, but it is from the crack in the wall that the lizard crawls in. If the married man did not open the door of his home, the other woman would not be able to step in and do whatever she is accused of doing.

But what do I know? I am just an unmarried girl giving marital advice. I may soon be directed to go hug a transformer. If it is Optimus Prime, then I would not mind.

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Comments

  1. vera says

    Dis is inspiring. I like the message u re able 2 send across my dear. If only men will realise how their infidelity pains us.

    • says

      Hey namesake! Unfortunately, knowing the pain will not stop a man. Discipline, loyalty, integrity, and the fear of God would make a difference. Anything else would not matter. :-(

  2. Busola says

    Girl. I was expecting to see his picture. Anyways, good write up. Useless man. Why go in the kitchen when u can’t stand the heat?

    • no name says

      It’s not hard to fine. Just google his name and click on images and you’ll understand why Vera typed this:

      “It is said that if one must eat a frog, then one should eat a very fat one. Neither wealth nor fame nor extreme good looks nor intellectual acquisition did Omoba have. Even at rock bottom, I would have no excuse. But what is it that compels his confidence?”

      • says

        @No Name: Oh, wow. I didn’t even know you could google him! Very well then. My work here is truly done. LOL. Reading that quote, it’s weird. I almost don’t remember writing that. LOL.

  3. Nefertiti says

    I agree with u. I don’t understand married women who think the woman outside owes them anything. In my opinion, it’s only high moral standing /decency that will make the other woman refute the errant husband’s advances. Your threats or tears won’t matter to another woman who is out to get ur man.

    Omoba dey feel like sharp guy ni sha. He straight up went shaggy on u. LOL. Seriously though, I’m really sorry for his wife. Wifey: Vera won’t be the first or last woman ur hubby will try to ‘tasi’. If you intend to call up all supposed side chics I sure hope you at least have unlimited mobile to mobile calling o!Pele. The lord is ur strenght.

    May God protect all my unmarried sisters from the Omobas of the world, and help our husbands not become an Omoba. Smh. Wonders shall never end in this world of ours, no be today.

    • Adabeke says

      Amen ooh. Wonders shall really never end. Its just sad because there is always going to be someone who agrees to cheat with a married person.

    • says

      Neffie, thank you oh! A woman who is trying to get a married man will not give a hoot whether the married woman calls to threaten her, curse her out, or beg her. Wetin consign yansh with toothbrush?

      Amen to your prayer. God help us all. Per your message to Omoba’s wife, I think it’s falling on deaf ears. Better hers than mine.

  4. Abie says

    I honestly don’t understand why married men cheat. I believe tho that there are men who don’t and I pray to God to give me such a man. Also, can’t imagine callin up another woman cos of a lying, cheating man.

    • says

      I, too, believe that there are men who do not cheat … of course. Just like any other issue, there are people who do it and people who don’t. By His grace, we will all find what we’re looking for. Amen.

  5. Adabeke says

    Well Ms. Vera. You already know what I think of this post by reading my comment of FB. And for all those foolish men that said the wife gave him a reason, or two, to cheat obviously cannot find a significant other of their own or if they do will be miserable in their relationship for a while. Well of course they find someone that would accept such rubbish behavior. If you want to go outside your marriage at least make the agreement with your wife to have an open marriage.

    Thank you Vera for putting him on blast. Next time married man or woman will think twice before approaching another person.

    • says

      I was even gonna do more than this. The plan was to include his picture, but my friends – specifically, Funmie – begged to not do that, so I reneged. I still have the pictures anyway, and if anyone asks for them, I’ll gladly send them.

  6. uche says

    U̶̲̥̅̊ say the fact here but let ïŧ b known dat married men ar more promiscious dan d single dudes.Some even deny der partners JƱڪτ̲̅ 2 get A̶̲̅ certain lady as U̶̲̥̅̊ stated b4.Des married men ar sumfin else,findin desperate xcuses 2to destroy the lives of single girls.SMh

    • says

      Uche, I agree with you. Increasingly, I’m starting to think that married men are more promiscuous than the single ones, and that is just so sad. Why the hell are they married? Ugh.

  7. says

    *Applauds*
    This is a mystery I have been trying to understand since… well… “Forever”.
    It’s such a shame because this is something much deeper than is let on. It is a generational curse really. Fathers (not all) are teaching their sons to behave this way both directly and indirectly all under the guise of being “A MAN”….
    *Big Twww*

    It’s sad because women are also taught to “Turn a Blind eye” to the affairs of their husband. I assume this was not the mans first offense and maybe something in the wife finally “Snapped”

    *SMH & sighs heavily*

    THis life..What we need is prayer.

    Good Post Vera.. Hope the Message reaches the masses!

    • says

      Mikki,

      You have hit the nail on the head. Fathers are directly and indirectly teaching their sons to be foolish. Serious generational curse. And yes, we are definitely taught to turn a blind eye. Well, me, I cannot pretend not to see what I see anymore. I see it and it hurts badly.

  8. Funsho Ijiti says

    Always nice reading your post Vera.. although this one got me laughing hard.. If am allowed to say this.. you sef get mouth….lol

    A whole Omoba, guess he did not have the right lyrics.. Assuming he started with Vera girl, you looking like a parking ticket with FINE FINE FINE written all over you…lol may be you will consider him then..lol

    Keep up the good work although am never going to criticize married men having an affair, am not what we call bejesus here in UK.. Home does get boring at times for most hence the spice out there often helps..

    Remember that movie “why did I get married 2″, most wives know when you kicking it out there cause you are very active at home in all areas…

    Nice work…

    • says

      Hahahaha. FINE FINE FINE ko! Imagine the likeness. And lol @ you not being a bejesus. So your sins are stopping you from pointing fingers abi? No wahala. I get where you’re coming from. Omoba ain’t no omo oba. He just likes to think of himself as such. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

  9. Isi Ike says

    Is that it? Is that what all the noises is all about? Please!

    Maybe you should just place a note on your forehead that you doesn’t mess with married men, otherwise, it will happens again.

    You sef, I blames you. All of these would have ended if you had the guts to tell him the very first time that you are not buyings what he is selling. Chikena. Case for close.

    But you delayed! A woman who delayed is a woman losted.

    Of couse, as soon as you fired back with curses and dicks, he has to deny deny deny.

    Seriously, I like you Vera but I think you are just a young woman still baffled with the ways of the world. This is no big deal.

    You can either adjust yourself to the world or adjust the world to yourself. You chooses to adjust he world to yourself. Goodluck with that!

    It doesn’t matters what reason a man gives for leaving his wife to come to you. What matters is what you does. In the case, instead of saying NO and walking away, you delayed. And when you speaks, you barked.

    Relax. You’re accountables for yourself and not for the rest of the worlds.

    Nip it in the bud. And walk away. Don’t make a secene. That way you keep your dignity.

    What you did here may scare even the unmarried one.

    Youre not the first woman a married man will approaches and you won’t be the lasts. But if you keeps making a scence when one approaches, you risks apprearing like the one who have a problems.

    Next time just says NO!

    • says

      Your grammar has problems but your message is on point: where did women get this fantasy that a man will hover over them for life? At the altar? I blame men if they swear before God to only sleep with one woman till they die, but I’m not even sure that they do (what are those vows?) It’s not likely to happen, and it doesn’t mean you’re bad or your husband is horrible. It’s just – call it weakness, call it curiosity.

      The way to happiness tho’ is what? If only men and women could flow on similar wavelengths? If only they could discuss like this about their true desires? But girls dream among girls and boys plan among boys so that the two people in a couple have different ideas of what their couplehood means…

      • Izzie says

        Oh my God….. I wanted to faint but these comments are not worth my fainting. It is apparent that omoba and his cohorts are here….lol…. Such ludicrous thinking. Thoughts that you use to deceive yourselves and draw closer to the pit if hell.soso Chukwu ge zwo anyi. #nuffsaid on this matter….. No be only couplehood…. Lol

        • says

          Izzie…. hahaha. Yes ooo. Couplehood. LOL @ Omoba and his cohorts. Well, I guess we know the kind of couplehood that Omoba has entered. Ka Chineke mezi okwu. Me wey write article, I don tire sef.

      • says

        Tosin, you are just an ashewo in disguise. I’m sorry for ur wife because you are obviously a cheating married man. Weakness ko, curiosity ni. You should have satisfied ur curiosity before picking a wife. Yeye man.

      • says

        Tosin,

        I don shake my head tire for you. If a man will not, cannot commit to his vows, then why make them? That is weakness. It means he is not a man. He is a weakling. This wavelength that you speak of, if you’re man enough, then approach any woman and tell her the plans you have made among men, so that we can see how far they take you.

        Meanwhile, two questions:

        1. Are men under the impression that women cannot or do not cheat?

        2. Since men plan better with men and obviously share the same wavelength, why not just marry men and maintain the wavelength?

    • says

      Isi Ike, I cannot address everything you said, but let me try to make it short and simple. If it were possible for me to wear a sign on my head, I would. I don’t understand what you mean by me telling Omoba the first time that I was not interested. There was no second time. There was only one time. As in, I responded only to one message where he stated this. The only thing is, I did not respond immediately.

      I would not talk/write about any particular married man who is sleeping with however many women — as long as he is not married to me and sleeping around, and as long as it’s not a married man who is approaching me. Chikena.

    • Mizchif says

      SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
      ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

      Biko somebody needs to remove ‘s’ from ya keyboard.

  10. MommyJnJ says

    Vera b’anyi am so proud of you for standing your ground and making a scapegoat out this nonentity of an Omoba..lol..but seriously men like him deserve no kind of sympathy from any sensible person, male or female. Now he can hopefully put his appendage where it truly belongs in his damn pants or in the open/ welcoming

    body of his enabler of a wife.
    As for this your Isi Ike of a friend/ follower, words have failed me to even begin to describe how irritating it is to read all those misplaced “s”..being cross eyed is an understatement..biko my dear Vera..tell your friend to stop spoiling my eyes..

    Lastly, very good write up, very well said!!!

    • says

      MommyJNJ: Hahahahahahaha at being crossed eyed. Chi’m oh. I will not die of laughter here. Maybe ‘S’ is his favorite letter, I don’t know. Thanks for the encouragement anyway. Some people read this and make it sound as if I’m blowing things out of proportion when I say that someone else’s husband is looking at me the wrong way.

      I have told God several times, and I’m telling him again: me, I don’t want any man who has wandering eyes (or a wandering penis). Dear God, sebi you dey hear me so? Okay!

  11. says

    LMAO @Isi Ike…your isi really si ike..nonsense..what rubbish are you spewing onto this page (i can actually imagine you talking as you’ve written)..kai….you are just a yeye person and I wont be surprised if you are Omoba sef….

    Vera, thank you for your post jare….the one that kills me is the fact that us women are taught to expect a cheating husband..imagine.

    God help his children oooo……and protect us from this evil called ‘INFIDELITY’..you are not the only one with a marriage phobia cos of this crap..IT IS WELL….

    • says

      Izzie: Hahahaha @ his head really si-ing ike. Nne, ne kwa’m! That is the part that kills me oh. As in, women walk around expecting it to happen and being ready to tolerate it. Maka why now? If a man feels like monogamy is unnatural, then he has no business entering a monogamous relationship. It is just that simple. But as usual, as women, we will suffer most, and even for the suffering sef, we will get the least credit. Tufia kwa. God forbid that I marry a cheating man.

  12. says

    Quoting Isi Ike “But you delayed! A woman who delayed is a woman losted”…..this na better comic relief for such a dicey situation…..men are losted indeed..lmao

  13. says

    Vera, this is a very engaging read. Makes one reflect alot. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and married people -both men and women should know that. Otherwise this was a good read.

  14. says

    Vera, this post is so on point. I think the worst thing is that it’s almost as if Nigerian women are being brainwashed to accept that fact that all men cheat. It’s not even a big deal anymore for some people. You are expected to turn a blind eye to your husband’s indiscretions, that is, until he comes home with an incurable STD. Madness, i tell you.

    The men act like it’s their God given right to cheat. Me and God both know that i definitely will not be an enabling wife sha. Enough said.

    • says

      Madame Sting: You’re right. Many of us do turn a blind eye to what we know is going on. I don’t know why we do it. Love? Desperation? Culture? Everyone of which is a bull shit excuse. Hmmm. I know that marriage isn’t easy, but heavens! It doesn’t have to be this hard either.

  15. Isi Ike says

    Make una laugh at my grammar all you wants. But I gets my point. Why did she delayed? Was she considering it? If she has politlely said to him, “look man, I no dey do anything with married man” the man for goes his way.

    But No she does not.

    The truth is that women like to be asked even by men who are beneaths them.

    • says

      Isi Ike,

      I have to admit. I do like you. If not for anything, you provide me with comic relief. I hope you come back. To fulfill your theory, when are you going to ask me out? :D

    • Nti Ike says

      Bia Isi Ike,

      Did somebody swear for you with the letter S? Repeat after me … Minus S Minus S Minus S looooooooooooooooool!

  16. says

    i love this post. nigerian women seem to have accepted the fact that nigerian men cheat. not all nigerian men cheat, some men actually respect that institution called marriage.
    for those using the bible to justify their stupidity, hebrews 13:4 states: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

    seriously, do your research before deciding to use God to justify how stupid you are. some nigerian men just make me weak, i can’t.

    • says

      Leggy,

      Whatever foolishness a person decides to go into, unfortunately, there is literature – and scripture – to support it. I believe that the man who uses scripture or literature to support his foolishness is only doing it because he can. He has to know that that is cock shit.

  17. Funsho Ijiti says

    @ Isi Ike, lol.. love the way you twist the grammar… You can’t fool us all.. I know nothing wrong with your grammar, strike me as someone with humour just making us/me laugh..lol

    After reading all the comments against Married men, I have been praying for Omoba all day..lol

    I still maintain both parties to blame, and to use Natoe C’s song ” Kini Big Deal..

    Since our grandparents, they have always LEGITIMATELY have one woman or the other.. You only need to refresh your memory, this situation has
    existed long time and not from current generation…

    The naive minds will come out and tell you ” not my husband or my wife”, just wait until they meet someone they are attracted to, its not everyone we are attracted to that we marry abi.. so it will happen or the temptation might come in, pls don’t bring the bible into it this is the real world..

    Personally, am married or let me rephrase happily married, but if J-Lo roll her tinkolo infront of me right now or Kelly Rowland.. pls remind of marriage vow then… na lie am running after the ladies fast…LOL

    Please don’t blame the married man, you can’t control who the heart falls for neither can you control your emotions ..we might be able to hide it but the feeling is still there live..

    As for Vera,Isi Ike is right, you are still young, most thoughts like this comes to us when we are young with strong views.. When you get married by his grace with 10kids, pls come back and tell me you are worried about your hussy having an affair…

    • says

      Funsho,

      Haba, don’t talk like that now. When a woman becomes tired of complaining about her cheating husband, it is not because it no longer bothers her. It is because it’s gone on for too long and she has detached herself. I don’t know what you mean by “young” oh. But after my 10 kids, my husband and I will still be madly in love. You wan try me? LOL.

      P.S. I know your type, Funsho. You’re saying this thing about running after JLO because you know you really won’t. You speak as a typical man. But when it comes time to do the do, you will honor your vows.

    • sarah says

      day and say am leaving my husband cos he cheated they will tell u all men are d same except in extreme cases and d prayer is for the man to return and not get lost and destroy his home for something he can get at home.

      There is a reason y we have more women churches than men. Only a dreamer gets married and thinks her man will never cheat and besides we women have different levels of cheating we will accept, to some flirting is cheating, men go out and flirt and some just do it for d chase to prove they still have game but when d woman opens d door or offers more only a God fearing man will walk away.

      We pray for good health and keep praying hard for our, father’s, husband’s, brother’s and son’s that they open their eyes, think of their family And dats d reality of it. Good read anyway

  18. ShadowFlame says

    Actually the main question I want to ask married me who cheat and quote all those stupid reasons is that

    “Do you think that the woman cannot cheat to?”

    To answer my own question, we can cheat ooo.. We can do it so well that you would not even suspect. But we (the ones who do not) respect the vows (if they are in a marriage) or the commitment (if they are in a committed relationship) they made to their partner.

    In the word of Funsho Ijiti, we are told,

    “Please don’t blame the married man, you can’t control who the heart falls for neither can you control your emotions ..we might be able to hide it but the feeling is still there live..”

    This statement is completely ignorant. If you are having feeling for someone else. Or if you are madly lusting after another person. Think about the hurt you would cause the other person (your partner) that you are in a relationship with. Think about how you would feel if they acted on the lust they to were probably feeling for another person.

    Guys seems to think they are the only ones that see pretty/gorgeous/intelligent/sexy/sultry women on a daily.. Let me assure you, women see men that are so sexy and fine as hell their eyes sometimes want to drop out of the sockets.. The thing is we try as much as possible to practice restraint. Simply because the world of hurt that one moment of indiscretion can cause if not worth the years or months of happiness we have with our partner.

    This might not apply to everyone because everyone might not be in a happy relationship. But the thing is, have the guts to release yourself from the relationship that you are in at the present moment before you go to initiate a new one (whether it is a fleetingly sexual or a solid relationship). Don’t try to have your cake and eat it too.

    • says

      That is another article on its own … I mean the one about women seeing hot men. I don’t think men realize that walahi. Because the way they carry on with their boldness and hardness ehn, somebody needs to put them in check.

  19. Isi Ike says

    For the record, I’m not defending married men who goes about looking for womens.

    I’m just saying that there are no reason for drama because a married man asks you out.

    Just says no and moves on. “I don’t do that,” will do. No need sitting there and listening to how you and him will keeps it on the down low and so on and so fort.

  20. Isi Ike says

    Maybe this is the solutions- extend it to all mens everywhere.

    Commit adultery, go mad
    •Community where unfaithful women run amok
    From ALOYSIUS ATTAH
    Sunday, August 14, 2011

    •A woman (left) making a confession at the Aji village square
    . Photo: Sun News Publishing
    More Stories on This Section

    “Yeah, yeah, I am the Ezenwanyi (the queen),” she yelled. “After me nobody will commit adultery again in this town. I have been sent on a mission,” she turned hysterical and continued yelling as she scattered her well-fitted hair weave-on.

    The crowd surged forward until she wanted to do the unimaginable. One of her wrappers fell off her waist and she went further to remove the other one to reveal her underwear. The crowd roared, some out of excitement while others cringed at what was unfolding.

    It was like a Nollywood film location where the cast and crew were recording a scene to depict a young woman that suddenly ran mad at the market square. The only difference this time is that no camera was rolling, and it was not make-believe. It was happening live and the location was Nkwo Aji village junction in Enugu-Ezike, Igbo-Eze North local government area of Enugu State.

    On enquiry, this reporter was told that the woman at the centre of the drama, who is in her late twenties, was married to a businessman based in Nnewi, Anambra State. They were blessed with three children and things went on smoothly in the family until tongues started wagging that she was allegedly seen in compromising positions with some young men. It got a climax one day after serving her husband dinner and she started behaving funny. Before one could say Enugu-Ezike, she started destroying valuable property inside their apartment.

    Eyewitness account said that the house became too “hot” for her, to the extent that the clothes she wore were like coals of fire on her body. The husband summoned courage and with the help of other brothers in Nnewi brought her home. Immediately she stepped her foot on their compound, she went wild.

    As if possessed by an invisible force, she overran everybody and went to the local village deity known as Enokpa and began to roll on the ground confessing all she “did” with other men. The family members, including her husband, searched for her throughout the day until the next morning when she was spotted at the village market junction acting like a mentally deranged person. From there, she was taken to the house of the eldest man in the village where all the necessary rituals were done and she regained sanity.

    This is a true-life encounter among hundreds of cases of other married women in Enugu-Ezike that suffered momentary “madness” after engaging in extra-marital affair. Sunday Sun reporter gathered that it is considered a taboo in this part of Enugu State for a married woman to “know” another man other than the husband and for any married man to also sleep with another man’s wife in the town. This is an age-long tradition with terrible consequences for those who go against the unwritten rule. Any attempt to kiss or touch a married woman’s waist attracts the same consequences, and both Christians and non-Christians are bound by the rules.

    A town and its unique culture
    Enugu-Ezike comprises of 36 villages in Igbo-Eze North local government area in the Nsukka senatorial zone of Enugu State.
    The town has common boundaries with Benue and Kogi states. On the north is Etteh, a non-Igbo-speaking community in Enugu State. On the north-east side is Ofante while on the north-west flank are Amaka and Akpanya communities in Benue State. On its boundary to the south is Ibagwa-Aka, the headquarters of Igbo-Eze South local government while on the south-west is Alor Agu, Unadu and Itchi. On the south-east lies Iheaka, Ovoko and Obollo Afor, the headquarters of Udenu local government area.

    Oral traditional legends as documented by the late John Arji in the book “Enugu-Ezike in world history” revealed that the name Enugu-Ezike originated from Idah in Kogi State. Ezike, according to the story, was the eldest of the three children of the then Attah of Igalla, who migrated from his home in Idah to Elugwu (Hill top) where he settled.

    His two other relations were Eekpa (also a man) and Omoka, the only woman among them. According to the story, these three persons were born of the same mother as their father married many wives. The Attah of Igalla was highly influential and respected then. One day, Eekpa, Ezike’s younger brother committed adultery with one of his father’s wives. As was the custom of the entire Igalla kingdom, such a heinous crime was punishable by outright sell-out, banishment or in most cases, death. The Attah represented the custodian of the people’s culture and must set example, especially in handing of the matter.

    Ezike was said to have had compassion on his blood relation, Eekpa, whom he believed would receive instant punishment. He, being a hunter, was advised by his fellow hunters to device a means of saving the life of his brother, who was practically in danger of death. Ezike, bent on saving Eekpa, took his brother and sister, Omoku, secretly to a far place called Ogugu, which is today the name of a village with common boundaries with Etteh and Umuopu villages in Enugu-Ezike.

    During the reign of the Attah of Igala, adultery, which caused Ezike and his relations to flee, normally attracted serious penalty and it was said that Ezike, the progenitor, before joining his ancestors, instituted the same traditional law in Enugu-Ezike and made it binding on all indigenes of the town. Till date, if one commits adultery, he or she must confess same publicly and only the eldest man (Onyeishi) in such village has the right to handle the matter. A spirit of adultery called Ndishi was usually appeased by the eldest man otherwise Ndishi would cause either death or madness to the violator.

    Origin of the tradition
    The stool for the eldest man in Enugu-Ezike known as Onyeishi is non-contestable. It is widely believed that old men in each village already know who is older than the other even though they may not have the exact recorded dates of births. They were expected to have interacted with each other during their youthful days.

    This reporter gathered that another reason the position was never contestable was the general belief that anyone who ascended the throne as a result of greed or sharp practices normally died before or within months after installation. Ali Nwa Adonu from Mkpamute Ulo village is the reigning Onyeishi Enugu Ezike. Several times Sunday Sun reporter visited his compound but could not secure appointment for a an interview owing to various village matters pending on his table.

    However, the momentary madness encounter at Aji village witnessed by this reporter provided a an opportunity that eventually led to an appointment with Elder Mamaja Agada, the Onyeishi of Aji village. Onyeishi Mamaja not only gave a historical account of the Ndishi phenomenon in Enugu-Ezike but also graphic details of how those affected by the spirit can be set free.

    “Ndishi is a spiritual being in Enugu-Ezike land, which can be seen only by those that violate the laws of the land as regards fidelity. It has been in existence even before I was born. My own father told me it has been there even before the 17th century and it was instituted by our great father, Ezike Oba, the progenitor of Enugu-Ezike people for many reasons even as you can see that it is for the benefit of all of us.

    “We have lots of cultural heritage, which will remain forever binding on any child of Ezike-Oba. But the most serious of them all that can even lead to death is this Ndishi issue, which involves extra-marital affair with another man’s wife or even an obvious attempt or intention to do that by kissing or having your hand across her waist, which attracts the same penalty as sex.

    “This is binding on all Ezike-Oba descendants even outside the shores of this town, including overseas and on any woman married to an Enugu-Ezike indigene from any part of the world. Once a lady’s bride price has been paid, she is no more available for any other man apart from the husband. But if another man rapes her, it will turn around and deal with the rapist. This one is called Adaka onyeorukpo in our local dialect.

    “Also a widow in Enugu-Ezike cannot be in his husband’s house and befriend another man unless she lives in a separate house away from the man’s compound. Any overt or covert attempt to do this results in the death of the woman’s first son.”

    How the gods are appeased
    Apart from extra-marital affairs, Sunday Sun learnt that married women are forbidden to give men money either as a gift or borrowing without the knowledge of the husband. Buying of property by a married woman in the name of her brothers without informing the husband also leads to the “arrest by Ndishi.”

    Onyeishi Agada gave further insight into how the gods are appeased to avert death and cure the momentary madness of the affected person. He said: “There are processes of reconciliation and restitution but it affects the personality of the people involved. The first step is for the woman/man to confess openly that she engaged in such and must pronounce the name(s) of the person(s) involved in such act.

    “After this, certain rituals are done with palm wine, yams, kola nut and goat as stipulated by the people. The woman will also submit the clothes she wore on the day she committed the act to the Onyeishi. If these measures are not taken urgently, the person will be killed by something only he or she can see and cannot be seen by other free people around. The Ndishi spirit normally manifests by forcefully pulling out the person’s tongue, stiffening of neck like somebody suffering from cerebral spinal meningitis, madness and in extreme cases death.

    “It should be stressed too that the Ndishi will catch the man (husband) and kill him leaving the woman (wife) if she told the husband what happened or the man had the slightest idea that the wife was unfaithful but didn’t act immediately by saying “Ndishi nso” or the woman tried to reveal it to the man but the man out of carelessness failed to understand the signs and proceeded to sleep with her or eat her food. For instance, sometimes when your wife keeps telling you that a particular man is being unusually kind to her, don’t take it for granted. Rather investigate whether such kindness is without any strings attached.

    This is because sometimes if it didn’t result immediately, it can suddenly happen and cause incurable madness to the person that may see to the end of his/her life.
    “The man whose wife was caught by Ndishi spirit stays away from the scene during the confession. He is also not allowed to taste or eat the items used to appease the gods. Some have tried it and died instantly and such incident happened recently in Umuogbo Ulo village. It is the husband‘s sister that conveys/relays one by one to him, names those mentioned by the unfaithful wife who slept with her. Any single omission of names wilfully or unintentionally renders the whole restitution exercise null and void. The sand is normally raised from the ground and thrown into the air by the confessor to signify that it is finished and to include both remembered and omitted names if not the madness may remain incurable.”

    Men are allowed to keep mistresses
    Another subject of discussion that has trailed the issue of “Ndishi” in Enugu Ezike land is the argument by some elite that the progenitor of the tradition made it to keep Ezike women in perpetual subjugation while the men are allowed to “sample” ladies other than their wives. Sunday Sun investigation, which was confirmed by Onyeishi Mamaja Agada, revealed that Enugu-Ezike men are only forbidden from sleeping with married woman but are free to have a harem of girlfriends/concubines or mistresses.

    Some clever women from Enugu-Ezike challenged this ‘anomaly’ and experimented only to see instant consequences. Those in this category were alleged to have prepared charms to “blind” the spirit of Ndishi so that they can also experiment.
    However, recent happenings in the town revealed that this set of people only postponed the doomsday as they only succeeded in making their own public confession and “madness” so weighty and topic of discussion on every lips.

    Unlike others the Ndishi spirit caught in one encounter, those in the latter category reportedly ran mad across the market square during confession and also had to contend with the shame of mentioning the names of 10 to 17 men they had illicit affairs with.
    Recently, a female spiritualist based in Onitsha, a native of Aji village and married to a man from Umuopu village, was “arrested” by the Ndishi spirit. It was alleged that she initiated other women of her ilk into a club where they engage in extra-marital affairs and come out unscathed. However, the day of reckoning suddenly came and she started acting funny.

    Before her case degenerated to full-scale madness, she reportedly called her husband aside and began to confess to him to save face. Ndishi suddenly “arrested” the husband and afflicted him with a mysterious sickness. Other family members got wind of the ugly development and took both of them to the village for the necessary rituals. The woman went wild on getting home as she reeled out about 18 names. The necessary rituals were done and she regained sanity while the husband is still in coma at the time of filing this report.

    The Enokpa deity connection
    Sunday Sun also gathered that several villages in Enugu-Ezike have different deities that serve as points of contact for the gods and the spirit of Ndishi to arrest any transgressor of the laws of the land. Apparently disturbed that some women have devised the means of “blinding” the Ndishi spirit from arresting them when they indulge in extra-marital affairs, some custodians of these deities took a decision and made sacrifices to fortify the power of Ndishi.

    Among the 36 villages in Enugu-Ezike, Ozzi community comprising of 17 villages, and Essodo made up of six communities are areas the efficacy of the Ndishi is felt instantly. At Aji village, a herbalist Nkpozi Simon Odo (the man with 48 wives and 168 children whose story was published in Sunday Sun on October 24, 2010) reportedly visited the village deity known as Enokpa with cows for sacrifice and told the deity to “wake” up and do the job. As if to add fillip to the story, suddenly many married women residing in various parts of the country began to fall as cases of returning home to confess became so rampant.

    Speaking on this development, an elder in Ogrute village, Ovute Omeh told our reporter that the Ndishi phenomenon is a good omen for the society that has degenerated in morality. He regretted that the loss of moral values and recourse to loose lifestyles have assumed a dangerous trend in the society that if not for the known implications associated with such acts, some Enugu-Ezike women would have gone to the extent of employing their husband’s younger brothers to “service” them without batting an eyelid on what the society may say.

    “For the fact that once you do such public confession, your dignity is gone forever has made many people to zip up,” he said.
    This reporter also visited the Enokpa deity. Located at the hilly part of the village known as Ugwu Aji, it is a shrine with a wooden effigy domiciled in a one room zink-roofed building with the frontage open for public gaze. Assorted pieces of cloth in different colors dot the inside. On the building was inscribed: “This is Enokpa (Inikpa), Aji’s mother.”

    Something bizarre happened on the said day as all efforts by this reporter to get a pictorial view of the deity proved abortive. A digital camera that was used to take pictures nearby suddenly turned blank on focusing on the shrine but returned to normal when other objects were focused on.
    Ezike women turn beautiful brides

    The story of the spirit of Ndishi and Enugu-Ezike women as regards marital fidelity has been subject of discussion among people from different states in the South East geopolitical zone of Nigeria. This has led to an unprecedented rush by eligible bachelors outside Enugu State to seek for prospective brides from the community. Some people who spoke with Sunday Sun described marrying an Enugu-Ezike woman as a natural antidote against marital infidelity while others countered such belief, saying faithfulness in marriage is a matter of personal decision and orientation irrespective of where one comes from.

    Ejike Okeke, an indigene of Oraukwu in Anambra State and a businessman at the Onitsha main market, told Sunday Sun that initially it was the curiosity to know more about the culture of Enugu-Ezike people based on stories he had heard that made him fall in love with a lady from Umuiyida village in Enugu-Ezike. Today they are happily married with four children and, according to him, “my wife has not only proved to be a faithful wife but also such a humble woman.”

    Though people of Enugu-Ezike are usually conservative in matters of marriage as they generally intermarry within the communities, investigation by Sunday Sun revealed that in recent times that reservation has given way to cross-cultural and trans-national marriages as many of their women now marry outside the town. Recently, a Togolese citizen conveyed his people all the way from Lome to marry a wife at Umuodeje area of Aji village.

    The people react/position of the church
    Some educated indigenes of Enugu-Ezike who spoke to Sunday Sun in Onitsha and Enugu still lamented that the Ndishi tradition was skewed from the outset to keep their women under perpetual domination while their men are allowed to philander. Nkechi Itodo, a lawyer, reasoned that although adultery or extra-marital affair is morally wrong, it is unjustifiable that married men in Enugu-Ezike date unmarried ladies and flaunt it while their female counterparts dare not try it.

    Perpmario Ebere, a teacher and Marian devotee, went a notch higher as she told this reporter that she has taken it as a challenge to involve her fellow prayer warriors so that irrespective of the Ndishi spirit, all those who desecrate their marital vows shall be exposed whether male or female.
    Also speaking, the Diocesan Dean of Clergy in Nsukka Diocese and Parish Priest, Immaculate Heart Parish, Aji, Rev Fr. Chibundu Omeje, condemned the practice of subjecting people to ritual cleansing to be free from the consequences of adultery.

    “It is established that all religious creeds forbid adultery. The Bible, which is the holy book of Christians, also made it clear in Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18 and other relevant verses. However, should one fall into occasions of sin, there are ways of reconciliation and penance instead of relying on public confession and fetish practices,” he said.

    • says

      Mma Abassi….warrizit Isi Ike?…if its not your bad grammer, its an epistle. Kilode na ehn…Vera has a right/ freedom to write/post whatever she likes na…just as you people think you have a right to cheat on your spouse.

      Una wahala just too much sef ehn…if you are not cheating and giving married women headache…you are gay and giving single women headache…Ke ife anyi ge me biko???

  21. Funsho Ijiti says

    Hmm, ShadowFlame yab me correct correct..lol

    God knows I will not deduct anything from what you said, you are on point however I still believe both parties.. Guess my work is taking over my thoughts..

    As a legal mind working directly on the frontline, I have dealt with divorce cases which exposes me to a lot of this issue, including domestic violence cases…

    Basically, it has alerted to the fact difficult to blame either party on “he said she said” situation.. If you read my post I continue to blame both parties but refuse to shut down the married man…

    Lets use this case as an example, all we are working on was Vera’s statement and solely made that was.. Who said Omoba can’t come and change the tide should he come out and defend the situation..

    Could it be there was meeting of minds between them and now Vera trying to play Mary Poppin, or was Vera the only girl at the venue where they met??

    To use Isi’s word, the fact that Vera thought of it is questionable, why did she not tell him NOPE immediately rather than put him on amber light…

    Any married guy will tell you, you can recognise quickly when you are not wanted..No reason keeping guys waiting like we have in this case..

    Of course wives do have their own runs, told you I do legal work for a living so I have seen that several times.. With experience which is contrary to Shadowflame’s view, this idea that guys won’t suspect is a fallacy..

    I have cases with loads of examples where the hussy will wait, the unfortunate issue for the woman when confronted, they don’t know how to lie neither can they keep their emotions…please be mindful I am using casefiles which I have handled, so not a question of thoughts..

    You can see the passion and sincerity from all the female commentators here, bet you all will agree, should the situation come up do you think they will be able to defend such acts.. Hell no…. hence divorce granted each time..

    Hurting each other is something both parties can anticipate but then we still do it..

    Basically to me is just a game from the start, if it wasn’t how many times have you seen married men leaving their matrimonial homes for the girlfriend, very rare except the spark in the marriage has gone with the wind…

    So my dear ShadowFlame, my intention was not to upset you beautiful sisters here, just my daily role and experience has taken over my thoughts, thus confirming both parties are responsible, directly, indirectly or by assertion( who said Vera wasn’t winking to Omoba at both meetings..lol)

    • says

      Funsho, see your mouth! Winking at Omoba maka what? LOL. See ehn, me, I see where you’re coming from in terms of Omoba coming to change the tides. After all, he already said his Facebook and Skype accounts were hacked. Per “thinking about it,” I wasn’t. We are in a small circle of friends. We know the same people. When he sent the message, I did not reply immediately cause I thought it should just die there. Perhaps, he won’t bother writing again. But when he kept asking, I told him I would reply back via Facebook, and I only did that because I wanted to reply via the place he sent it, so that the records would be clear as day.

      I also mentioned in the article that women do push their husbands away. Yes, that is true. But the issue isn’t whether he was pushed or not. The issue is what he did after he was pushed and with whom he did it with.

      I’ll tell you first hand, I’m a very friendly person. Even to people I don’t know, I would smile and shake hands, but that is not an invitation to be talking nonsense … especially when the person is Omoba. That’s insulting! If it was one Barack Obama now … ehen! But Omoba???? How I go take explain that kin failure?

  22. says

    PREACH!

    Enough is enough…it’s so annoying when married men try to eat their cake and have it to…then they drag the unmarried sisters into their rubbish….why would his wife contact you?…urg…

    • says

      Blessing, I don’t know why his wife contacted me or what she hoped to achieve by contacting me. The person that is kicking her back is also sleeping on her bed. I was only trying to lessen the kick. Oh, well.

  23. says

    I don’t know what to say anymore. The whole thing is depressing. It could be easy to wish that all men and women that cheat come back with STDs but their innocent spouses will be the one to suffer.

    My friend’s sister lost her pregnancy thanks to the STDs that her husband brought home and infected her with. It was such a painful memory for her that ended up with her Dad nearly going to jail because he seriously beat up his son-in-law. When you hear stories like this, you have to ask yourself, ‘was the sex worth it?’.

    Reading some of the comments on your post as well, just made me despair!!! Look at those men!!! How many more like them are out there? Will one of them be my future husband and father of my sons? Will they teach my children that it is OK to think like this? I plead the blood of Jesus!!!

    Even that stupid Omoba guy, how many other woman has he had before he approached you? What does his wife think he is doing when he is on Facebook trawling for conquests and sending you messages? Is this the marriage she envisioned for herself when she was growing up?

    Marriage is a choice. If you can’t be faithful they stay out of it. Men and women who take a vow before their God and then break it, should be ready for any consequences that come their way, in this life or the next.

    • says

      Caramel, the whole thing is truly depressing. We may laugh at some of the comments, but it is painful. I have asked myself the same question of women whose husbands are whores. I wonder, is this what these women imagined when they were young? I remember this Igbo lady whose husband is also an ashewo. He never asked me out oh, but I knew of his sexcapades. When she found out that I knew her husband, she asked if he had asked me out. She said, “You know that my husband likes women too much. Did he chase you? If he chases you, tell him no! Tell him you know Aunty Ada.” What the hell?! Is that what it has come down to now?

      Nne, na God go save us.

  24. says

    Vera,

    I apologise for not commenting previously even though I read your posts regularly. It is mostly because I get the posts by email and then get caught up doing other things so forget to come to your blog to comment.

    As usual, your post had me in stitches – not the subject matter, which is very serious but the manner of delivery.

    I’m glad you exposed this fraudulent husband and I hope his wife has enough sense and courage to call him up on his philandering ways.

    • says

      The Wordsmythe: Awwwwww. You read them by e-mail *sobs, sobs* LOL. I doubt if the wife will do anything. This is just one of many shocks to come. Poor thing just came here from Naija too. Eiya. Glad you laughed. Yay!! *dancing*

  25. Funsho Ijiti says

    I thought we have rounded up this topic but seems sisters just starting..

    @ CaramelD… how can you call Omoba “stupid”… no no no.. Omoba in our village means a Prince.. Its like telling Prince Charles he is stupid…

    Omoba is only bearing his name since they are allowed to marry many wives once they get to the throne… He is only rehearsing with Vera prior to taking up his royal position enabling his royal oath to be sowed appropriately..lol

    I bet Vera will like to be called Olori Vera similar to Lolo….lol..

    Common sisters, men are beautiful creatures and modern men very respectful of our wives.. Personally I think dating has vamoose due to this sincerity..

    Our lifestyle also don’t allow us the opportunity to have such thoughts or carry out the acts.. I don’t want you thinking men are like that because they are not..

    Men now are too docile for my liking, are this not the same men now allowing wives to read their mails, check their phones, no secrets, some sef will cheat and go and report to the wife.. completely the opposite to our parents where our mothers will thank them for having girlfriends..lol

    Basically men out there now are good people with kind hearts, and am fully convince Vera and CaramelD will get good guys..Nothing to be worried about except one is inviting it…

    @ SOMEBODY: thanks for praying for me jare.. You too God bless you and Vera also, at least for giving us the platform to yab correct without any malice…

    • says

      Funsho: Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Look, this is a serious matter! Stop coming here and having me in stitches. LOL @ men cheating and reporting to their wives. Hahaha. Ehen now. That is the way it should be. That is love nwa nti nti!

      Per Omoba, he wishes he’s an Omoba. Na beans. I don’t mind Olori Vera ooo! But not for this Omoba. I want a real one. Scratch that. I don’t even want an Omoba. This one now, I’ll have to install secret video cameras all around the house to make sure he’s not doing anything. Mba. I no fit.

      Hahaha @ men letting their wives look through their phones and mails. Chei! Funsho, I have no more words for you. You’re making me laugh too much and I don’t like it.

  26. says

    I’m sorry that there are more woman than men who are willing to restrict themselves to one partner for life. It’s the way we were brought up, and it gives women so much headache.

    You can adjust a bit (including being an ‘ashewo’ yourself – if that’s what you want) or just be aware that what you’re looking for is rare.

    If you truly want to see from the other point of view, look at citizenship – you love Nigeria yeah? What if tradition/religion said everybody could only stay in one country for life? I mean, someone like me I wouldn’t agree because even if this country is so perfect, I may even be so happy here, but maybe one day I might want to stroll to Benin, or France, because I have only one life to live.

    Sorry if this seems harsh.

    • says

      Tosin, but Nigeria as a country does not have feelings – whether we stay in it or not. Wives, on the other hand, have feelings. Anyway, I do agree that a faithful husband is rare. I just know that is existent. I refuse to believe that Joseph was the last man of integrity. Haba! LOL.

  27. says

    Finally read the post we have all been waiting for….Beautifully written, I must say…It is not like anything less was expected..lol I really doubt a simple “Not Interested” would have been enough to sway ‘Omoba’ from his agenda..Vera you did the right thing by ignoring his message initially. Obviously his persistence is what made you respond to his foolery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Those blaming Vera in this situation should so kindly grab a live wire and jump into a tub of water…J/k..lol But seriously, please do so.

    • says

      Ray,

      Thank you jare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s what I’ve been trying to explain oh. I deliberately did not respond at first cause I thought he’ll give up, but homeboy was not playing. Thanks for understanding.

      If not that I want them to be reading my blog ehn, I would have told them to go and jump into a tub of water with a live wire too. LOL.

    • says

      M.I said it all….make una go hug transformer oooooooo…no be only beef una go chop, una must chop kpomo on top…..

      Vera, u r such a controversy madam and i’m loving it…

  28. LusciousRon says

    Geez, some of the comments are so depressing! Imagine the gall of these people. Nicely done Vera. If there are no buyers, sellers will pack up. More women need to take this stance.

  29. says

    Some of the comments on this post make me so annoyed. I am sure Vera would have “moved on” if the man’s wife had not called her to give her shit about something she was not guilty of.

    Please – I am constantly barraged by married naija men, so I know the the deal. If they can get away with it, they will. There are some good ones but then try finding one.

    Good for you Vera. Keep standing up for yourself and put those evil doers to shame.

    • says

      Lucid, you’re actually right. Before the wife wrote to talk that arrant nonsense, I was actually not going to publish. I wasn’t going to publish because I didn’t want her to read something so distasteful about her husband. But after she contacted me, I said, forget you then. Imagine the person I was saving, she said death is better for her.

  30. Funsho Ijiti says

    Guys on this site, you guys can see what shame Omoba has brought us..

    I am surpise at him though, because married naija men don’t toast ladies or “barrage” them.. Its the other way round..

    When a man is single, hard to get a lady.. Get married and is open sesame.. God knows how many times men talk about marriage been open cheque to get laid..

    The word is ladies think you are more responsible when you are married hence they unleash huge torrent of toasting skills and attitude on we married men.. I know how many times I run and fast to avoid them ..

    So guys here on Vera’s site, may be you should come out and tell the ladies the trauma caused by ladies running after you when you got married compare to when you are single..

    The ladies can all come here and be speaking swahili but they know the real deal.. May be is time we have to start telling them to leave us alone abi…

    Vera, pls you will need to do a take on ” why are ladies after married men???” God knows that is the real deal and not this type of isolated case.

    • Isi Ike says

      Good talks Funsho.

      … and what is this cake they keeps talking about eating and having? What an overzaggerated sense of important!

      They don dey run their mouth like say na men only get issues.

      Ever tld the you are ready to marry? they will accuse you of fear of committment. A beg, make we hear word.

      It worse pass with these ones who dey go church. Small time they wants the man to hug a live wire. Christian my behind!

    • says

      Funsho: Haha. Lai lai. No be and you. I shall not take on any such arricle. I know nothing of women being after married men *folds arms in defiance*

      Omoba has opened you people’s yansh. Una suppose organize something for him.

  31. says

    Good write up, quite interesting.

    Men or women married should not be doing any business with anyone that is not their husband or wife… ! There is NO excuse biko! #sigh!

  32. says

    Some people fear me sha. See boldness…at least you have a platform to expose him and his kind.
    Hahaha you have put the fear of God in him, next time he will think twice about toasting another woman. Onye nzuzu.

    • says

      my dear one3snapshot {love ur name btw} no be small onye nzuzu…all married men that carry on with women that are not their wives are all ‘ndi onye nzuzu’…lmao….

      Isi Ike ours darl omobo champions. Makes you quits your defends omoba..we gets your message.oooooo

    • says

      One3SnapShot … serious onye nzuzu. Onye ibelibe. The balls to talk such filth, and he wasn’t even smart enough to come up with a sensible defense. His Skype + Facebook got hacked indeed. Because he is an Omoba and his subjects are just out to get him? *HISS*

  33. Nice Anon says

    We’ve all at some point or another met a man who is committed to someone else but is very willing to “bed” you. It is up to us (sensible women) to turn their silly advances down.
    Sadly some men will cheat and will continue to do so seeing as some women don’t even mind.

    Kam kwuo nkem ugbua. Kitipa na ara ga gbachi nwoke obula nti ga eji m eti epele. Ihe m ga eme nani jehova ma.

    The bit I don’t get is when the women go after the other chic. Get the man who’s promised love to you jare.
    Well written as well.

    • says

      Nice Anon…. Hahahaha @ your Igbo. With the way you’re sounding, I am convinced that indeed nani Jehovah malu ife iga eme. I co-sign the nkiti kpa and ala that should gba such a person.

    • says

      Nwunye, Hahahahaha at three holes. Nne’m odiro kwa ofele! Ko easy at all. Chai. Dis babe, I like you too much. You and I should be family friends. Your husband will play golf with your husband. And my children will play with your children. These plans, of course, will take effect once I get an actual husband — and children. :D

  34. OmobaBenefitOfDoubt says

    I have really been trying to give this Omoba the benefit of doubt since we heard from only one side. OMOBA where are you!! IYAWO OMOBA u nko? The supporters club?????

    • says

      OmobaBenefitOfDoubt

      LOL. Stop looking for the supporters club. The truth of the matter is that Omoba and his supporters know what Omoba did. Responding to this will only prolong the issue. This time, they’re being smart. And biko, leave his iyawo alone ooo. She has tarnished herself enough. All is well.

  35. Funsho Ijiti says

    The Lord is good.. Did I hear all the time.. The ladies finally left Omoba and his loyal club alone…lol.. Never knew this site can be quite..lol

    You sisters get mouth, even using Ibo dialect, seems you are praying for men sha.. I told my wife who is from Abia state to interpret some for me but she ended up laughing her head off…lol Guess is prayers from all the ladies then..or I wish….

    Do you know if I marry any of you mouthy ladies, I will tell the Pastor to bless a nice koboko by the side, will be smacking you all in advance because I know the mouth will be used very soon…lol

    Thought I say hello to everyone especially Omoba my role model..lol

    Until the next episode from the drama Queen you all remain bless…

  36. Funsho Ijiti says

    I don’t think am Kpachi anything…lol whatever that means..

    I was just saying peaceful moment which we men should enjoy until they take away our honeymoon period… lol

  37. Nkiru says

    I think we are in danger of over complicating a very simple issue. Generalisation never lends itself to reason. And to all the holier than thou folks here, please hold back your guns. Let’s not fool ourselves and think this is the preserve of married men. Married women are playing the same game too and the world hasn’t carved in. If you find yourself in such a situation, and if you truly don’t intend to play the game, drop the person like a stone and move on. There are no rights or wrongs here; the only thing here is to do what you consider the right thing at a given moment!

    Folks, get a grip…That said, I admire your stance Vera.

  38. Fed-up Babe! says

    It is even good when he makes it clear he is married, therefore giving you the choice to say yes or no! But what about those ones that deny they are married, go to great lengths to hide they are married, and come to you like a nice single romantic guy, promising you heaven and earth plus marriage … what we can say about this kind of behaviour?

    I’m truly and utterly fed-up with these kind of men! At least give us the choice. This is pure wickedness, haba!

    Indeed the bible put it well …”The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Jer 17:9

  39. says

    Vera nwanne m. Epic post. Ndo. Biko bia ka m hugguo gi. Serious nonsense and ingredient. You did well jare.

    It’s sad how wives inadvertently tip the boat by being overactive watchdogs… but then again shame on the men who have turned the beautiful women they married into insecure ones.

    Nevertheless, I have had some great laffs from comments by Isi Ike, Nti Ike, Funsho. I’m out!!

  40. zainab says

    We always place the blame on men. I am a female, I am still trying to understand why you took so long to let him know you were not tolerating it. Message upon message and you simply didn’t reply…hmmm
    Why did it take you so long to respond? and fb really? haven’t you learn’t about blocking someone? You spoke the truth about a lot of things in your post however there is two sides to a story. He is absolutely in the wrong no doubt about it however…so are
    you….

  41. Nkem says

    Vera, I love you!!!! You are very on point. Zainab, I guess you have not had the privilege of being hounded by a married man. Vera has explained to you and the other doubting Thomas’ her reason for not responding immediately (which btw I wouldn’t hv wasted time doing) and you still think she was wrong not to hv responded immediately? I think Vera is owed an apology. Her only fault was that she is good looking and nice….otherwise Omoba, his wife, omoba’s crew and dude from church need to seriously revisit reason and logic and just bounce off to the women who r Ok with the whole deal!

    • says

      Nkem,

      Thank you my dear!! :D I don’t know how else to explain it oh. I tried to write this as simply as possible, but I guess I should have known that some people wouldn’t understand or agree with me. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and understanding.

  42. says

    I can’t stop laffing, Isi Ike has made my night.
    When people say “oh women also cheat” and “that’s life, you’ll change ur stance when u marry n grow up” I just wonder in amazement. Its wrong, bad, unexcusable, a no-no, neigh, naaaaah! Every other reason/justification is crap, fogerrit. God forbid but if my husband cheats, I shall not give him an excuse including the fact that I cheated. Yep! I said it. If a man cheats, its ok but his wife dares not cheat back to retaliate. Oh pls!!!

    Vera u know I love u ba? !

  43. says

    if i have 3 “toasters” in a day, 2 of them are married…sigh…some men really need to grow a pair and confront their “perceived” notion of marriage.

    • says

      My dear, I couldn’t have said it better. It’s definitely a “perceived notion of marriage” because I don’t understand why people get married and then go out of their way to chase other women.

  44. otito says

    PLS I WILL LIKE TO HAVE A BOOK OR A MATERIALS THAT HAS “RIRUALS FOR CLEANSING ADULTERY’……I WILL PAY FOR ANY MATERIALS OR BOOK THAT NHAS THE TOPIC.

  45. Adede says

    I know this is so late that i’m early for next year but I absofreakinglutely love this post!!! As you said, records have shown that madam lawless has not made any commitment to another individual. Ride on my dear!

  46. says

    Another post I really love…and the comments are hilarious too! Good thing on calling him out, Vera – if everybody showed the courage and dignity you did, maybe the trend wouldn’t be as strong…

    • says

      Tiki, I completely agree. If every woman – single or not – decides to never date a married man, we will be happier. I’d much prefer that the married men decide not to cheat on their wives (whether or not there are willing participants). The story didn’t actually end here. One of the man women he cheated on contacted me, and we had a full blown show about serial cheats. During the show, another girl called in and said he had asked her out. Then, someone else on Twitter said he was dating her friend in Texas! Imagine the drama. You can find and listen to the podcast. http://verastic.gidilounge.fm or you can download it for free via iTunes. Just type in Verastic. The show is titled “Serial Cheaters” .. Enjoy!

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