When Your Best Friend’s Man Wants You …

The only reason I am writing about this is because it has become public knowledge. Most people know about it now. Some of our mutual friends have confronted me and asked me what is going on between me and my best friend, Funmie. The other day, I even got an anonymous comment here asking me why I betrayed my friend. Problem is, no one knows my side of the story. Apart from going to church and seizing the microphone to tell my own side of the story, this is the only other way I can think of.

Funmie and I have been friends since 2002. Honestly, we have gotten closer and closer. And for the life in me, I cannot figure out how things turned this sour. Funmie and I have been more like sisters than friends until this whole mess started. Funmie and her man have been dating for a minute. I met him before they officially started dating, and he seemed really nice. I never really got that close to him. The most communication we had was the occasional BBM chats and text messages to say things like Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Easter, and the rest.

His birthday was in January, just a few days before mine. I called him to wish him a happy birthday. I remember it was about noon. We did the usual: happy birthday … long life and prosperity … what are doing to celebrate your birthday? … blah blah blah. He went on to ask me what I was planning for my birthday too. I told him Igwe was taking me out to dinner. I did not know at that time that Igwe was planning me a surprise birthday dinner with my friends – him included. When he came to the dinner, he handed me a card and a bottle of wine. I don’t remember what the card said; it was just something funny, nothing serious.

Two days after my birthday, I called him – as I did everyone else – to say thank you for honoring Igwe’s invitation to my birthday dinner. We got talking about general stuff like my blog (which he said he read faithfully. I was honored, as I did not know he read my blog), like the show, like my Facebook subscriptions, politics in Nigeria, etc. Just general stuff. And then, all of a sudden, he asked, “Vera, are you happy?” Although it was a strange question, I did not think much of it. He has always been one of those people who like to have deep conversations.

Not paying any particular attention to the question, I said, “Yeah. Of course.” And then he asked, “I mean with him. Are you happy?” I stuttered, not saying anything in particular because I was thrown off by the question. That was when he went ahead to tell me that he liked me, that he wanted us to become “closer,” that he has always had a thing for me, and that he does not think Igwe is the best for me.

I told him I was gonna pretend that we did not have that conversation. And then I got off the phone. Since then, I have not spoken to him on the phone. However, he has continued to send texts and bbms. Igwe and Funmie knew nothing of it — until Funmie found out last week. We attended an event together (When Sex Happens, where I was invited to come and speak), and when I was called out to come and speak, I gave Funmie my bag and my phone to hold. That was when all hell broke lose.

While I was speaking, he sent yet another text: “Hello beautiful, it’s been a while. I miss you.” Funmie being the nosy person she is, she was curious when I received a text, so she decided to help herself. By the time I returned to my seat, her face had changed. I had no idea what was wrong with her. She waited till after the event to confront me; she could barely wait till it was over. In the lobby, she pulled me to a corner and handed me my unlocked phone. I’m sure I looked guilty. That’s because I felt guilty. I have never done anything with this guy. And since the first time we spoke about his “feelings,” we have not spoken again. But the text suggested otherwise.

We were not exactly in the place for me to start explaining everything. And when I started my response with, “It’s not what it looks like,” I looked and sounded even guiltier. So she stormed off. She told her sister about it. She told Igwe about it. And of course, she broke up with him. The problem is that I still have not gotten a chance to tell Funmie the truth. She won’t pick my calls. She won’t respond to texts/bbms. And when I stopped over at her house, she won’t even let me in. And I know she was home. Our mutual friends have tried to intercede, but to no avail. I know I did wrong by not telling her and Igwe, and even Igwe is pissed. But I just didn’t want to hurt Funmie’s feelings. I figured that whatever her man was going through, or whatever he thought he felt for me was just temporary. Soon, he will get over his feelings.

Please help me by leaving a comment for Funmie. I hope she reads it. I would never, ever betray my friend in that way. We have gone through too much for me to do this to her. I did not do it. And it was never my intention. I don’t usually get this personal on my blog, but I am at my wits’ end.

P.S. Keeping the tradition of previous years, I have to tell you that if you believed what you just read, then you should slap yourself twice: the first slap is for believing that Funmie and I can ever have issues over a man. And the second slap is for forgetting that today is April Fool’s Day.

P.P.S. I had two things to write about: either this or my pregnancy. But because God has a quirky sense of humor, I decided not to joke with the pregnancy. Next thing now, Ms. Flow will miss. Mba oh. Not yet.

P.P.P.S. Of course, it’s imperative to note that I am not actually doing anything that may lead to pregnancy *insert very straight face* 😐


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  1. says

    The days of slapping myself are long over – as soon as I saw Funmie’s name I knew it was bull.

    Better luck next time Vera – ha! in your face – lol.

  2. Dalu says

    Chai! U got me there Vera, I was almost feeling really sorry for you & thinking of how best to reach Funmi on ur behalf. U this girl eh, idi very egwu 😉

  3. Eby says

    After reading the first few sentences, I knew it had to be a big joke… and was I right!
    Better luck next time!

    • says

      Eby, I’m going to enter your name into the list of people I’m praying against. I’m praying against all their over sabi in my April Fool’s posts. They (you) must be deceived by fire.

  4. Funmie says

    although i knew it was a lie, i read each line word for word…
    you indeed have ur way with words and you are a BIG FAT LIAR… ahn ahn!!!

    Woe betide that day that i will fight my FRIEND over a man… all emphasis on friend, ‘cos i fry anyone else…. as per [ex is mine… ehehehhehehhehe]

  5. says

    LMAO….Oh Vera……at the time of my first comment, I hadnt even bothered to finish reading the story….Now I have. And I am reeling with laughter at your PPS and PPPS… Baba god definitely has a sense of humor like that!:D

  6. Duchy says

    Vera I jt read this today which ia not 1 April n I was already planning my appeal to fumin … U got me girl

  7. says

    Vera you’re a joker!lol
    When I started reading this, I new without a shadow of doubt that you were up to no good! lol
    Great story though…tufiakwa! Sensational story!!!lolo

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