There Is A God Somewhere

Yesterday, (Saturday August 24th), I attended a wedding. It was really nice, of course. The blushing, glowing bride was gorgeous! The dashing groom was practically floating in his agbada. Love was in the air. Music was blasting thru the speakers, and people were doing all sorts of dance moves. Whether they were in sync with the music or not is a story for another day.

I went into the reception hall hoping to attract as little attention as possible because I was late. Instead, I got lots & lots of attention. Apparently, my outfit was HAWT. I cannot count how many people said they loved the outfit and asked who made it. I said ‘Thank You’ so many times that I automatically assumed anyone that so much as looked @ me was about to compliment me. One lady asked how I was doing and I replied with ‘Thank You.’ Oops. Well, it’s not my fault jo. I was all that and a bag of chips. Forget what you know. I was stylin & profilin.

I was feeling so cute that I didn’t have time to dance well. I needed to perambulate the hall, so that those who didn’t see me would see me. I even thought of taking the mic from the mc to give this speech, “Good Evening, everyone. My name is Vera Ezimora. I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has complimented my outfit tonight. For those who have not, I realize that the lines to get to me are a little long, so you’re welcome to send all your compliments to P. O. BOX 7893. Essex MD 21221. Thank you in advance. And I’ll be signing autographs in front of the high table – directly in front of the bride & the groom.”

I couldn’t go thru this wedding without something funny happening to me. Just as every other story I have told you, I was jejely sitting down minding my own Verastic business when some man who could not have been less than ten years younger than my father came in front of me and began to roll his hips for me. All I could see in front of me was his groin shooting out. If you were looking @ this man from behind, you would have thought he was giving me a lap dance. Or worse case scenario, fellatio was going on. What else coulda had his hips gyrating like that?? Shamelessly shameless, I tell you.

Was I embarrassed? You. Have. No. Idea.

I have never seen this man in my life before. I don’t know what he was attempting to do: makossa dance, public seduction of Vera, public display of hips flexibility, wooing of Vera, or public embarrassment of Vera. He succeeded in doing the last one.

I pushed him away. BEGGED him to stop in the name of love… b4 he breaks my heart… further. He left and still came back three times! And he had the nerves to ask why I had not taken his picture with my camera. Of course, I took his picture – not because I wanted to, but because my friends were gone and I needed them to see this nuisance of a man. And no, I will not post it up here. You never know who might be reading this biko.

But Mr. Hip Gyrator was just an unwelcome distration. I had my eyes on Mr. Contagious [Smile]. We shared a little more than a couple of words between each other and lots and lots of confusing smiles. I sat there pretending to be looking @ my camera, but I wasn’t. I was tryna send a nonverbal message. I didn’t want to have the don’t-talk-to-me look on my face, and @ the same time, I didn’t wanna have the please-talk-to-me look, so I settled on the I’m-too-busy-pretending-to-look-at-my-camera-to-notice-you’re-staring-at-me look.

At the end of the day, we said our goodbyes in between lots & lots of mysterious smiles. That smile of his was contagious. He just kept on smiling, and I smiled right back. And it wasn’t the fake smile I gave him. It was not the please-stop-smiling-at-me-you’re-freaking-me-out smile. It was not the what-the-heck-is-so-funny smile, and it was not the yeah-whatever smile. It was the God-I-love-your-smile-so-please-keep-smiling smile. How could one not smile back @ that smile? It was so easy, peaceful, beautiful, calming, and contagious.

No, no, I’m not in love. Just saying there is obviously a God somewhere. Off I go to tell God how I want Him to plan our next chance meeting.

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Comments

  1. abby says

    lmao!!!
    1st!!!!!
    lol at u putting adress crase chic
    lmaoo..wat sort of clown and pest is that. na wah o

    lol vera..put pictures of ur outfit out..lets see if u were really HAWT :p

  2. Vera Ezimora says

    Abby: I woulda put it up oh. I really was contemplating it BUT

    1: Putting it up will not be a very good thing because I plan on re-rocking it…not too soon, of course, lol. But I don’t wanna be recognized off the bat

    2: Remember that thing bout me being anonymous?? If I put it up, some1 (like Mr. Contagious Smile) might put two and two together. Apparently, it’s a small world.

    3: Mr. Hip Gyrator might see it and beat the living daylight out of me.

  3. bumight says

    you and all these wierdos you meet at weddings. Mr Hip gyrator again?

    at least there was Mr. contagious this time, i guess there must be a God indeed!

  4. Vera Ezimora says

    Bumight: I think I have something attached to my forehead that says, “I like weird people: come one, come all.” That’s the only plausible explaination I can come up with.

    But as you said…@ least there was Mr. Contagious [Smile].

  5. mizchif says

    LMAO! You really shd get ur forehead checked, maybe the sign is invisile to just you.

    Wish we cld see a picture of the dress tho, but i understand, u never know who’s watching, or reading!

    Don’t worry, ur miracle is on the way, hopefully, u will find that Mr.Contagious is a friend of a friend (hopefully not an ex of a friend) and things will flow from there.

    Oya claim it by fire!

  6. simeoneomobaba says

    you so hilarious..how could you have thot of signing autographs right in front of the people of the event…i think my smile is more contagious than that guys o..just that u cant see me smile…lol..

  7. geisha.song. says

    do you know that there is a limit to how much narcissism a room can contain at a time?
    at the very same time, not enough narcissism- where there is just cause for it, of course- is strongly frowned upon. it’s a thin line, i must confess. one i admit i might have crossed in the past myself.. ;)

    that said, since you’re not putting up ur sugadaddy’s pic, can u put up a pic of your fabulous dress?

  8. Chari says

    lol u gotta love a gyrator abeg!

    I wish u had plastered ur contact details on ur head so that mr. gyrator for see am dey stalk u tyt…

    ehen…did I hear u say chance meeting? knowing u I wouldnt be so keen on using the word on the meeting oooo

  9. Anonymous says

    Veraji,
    Glad you had fun at the wedding. Hahaha! Old Nigerian men are shameless. LEAVE US ALONE (young, pretty ladies between the ages of XX and XX!!!!!!!!!!!!!) We don’t want your money! Go back to your wives and chidren. Anyhoo, Shooting was nuts on Saturday, but we got it done. I want to start editing this weekend. Holy shizzt, this movie is gonna be nuts. I should call you again!
    Peace!

  10. Anonymous says

    Veraji,
    Glad you had fun at the wedding. Hahaha! Old Nigerian men are shameless. LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! (young, pretty ladies between the ages of XX and XX.) We don’t want your money! Go back to your wives and chidren. Anyhoo, Shooting was nuts on Saturday, but we got it done. I want to start editing this weekend. Holy shizzt, this movie is gonna be nuts. I should call you again!
    Peace!
    PS
    I wish you could go back and re-edit comments.

  11. Vera Ezimora says

    Mizchif: I claim it by fire by storm in Jesus name, AMEN! Ex of a friend? I rebuke that by fire, by storm in Jesus name! Amen!!! Ehen. Lemme go & continue praying for our next chance meeting. Hehehe.

    Simeonomobaba: LOL. I was gonna sign the autographs in front of the couple because I needed to be seen. lol. Anyway, please feel free to let me see that contagious smile of yours.

    Geisha.Song: I'm anonymous, but not completely. I write with my real name, and I can be easily discovered, obviously, but my face is hidden from that do not already know what I look like. So let's say I'm semi-anonymous. Narcism is an understatement compared to what I was doing there. Gal, I was so into myself. Couldn't stop looking for a shining forehead to check out my reflection. lol. Putting up a picture of the outfit will make me susceptible to being discovered. Plus, I have to rerock it..you know. lol

    BadderChic: My dear, I dunno o! Obviously, no1 told him that. Welcome to my blog sha; hope you come back. I'll check you out in a bit.

    Chari: What is there to love about a hip gyrator humiliating you in public? Abeg, I no want that kin gyration. And yes oh, I said chance meeting. I'm still praying to God about it.

    Anonymous: Yes, they should berra leave us alone. Too bad I missed the shooting. Goodluck editing it. I hate editing anything @ all. It's like doing the work all over again and again. Ugh…!

  12. Abbie says

    are u a photographer?

    I’ve been trying to get a style for this material I bought for my cousin’s wedding but can’t find anything I like, I’m getting desperate, the wedding is in a month. Please let’s see what you had on! Pretty Please!

  13. aloted says

    first time here and i am loving it…lol at ur experience at the wedding…

    let me go and read ur other posts :)

  14. Woomie O! says

    Havent really been here in a while.
    lol@ Mr Hip Gyrator…he probably knows who you are (aren’t you scared?)
    How’s your Range Rover???
    Meeehhhnnn!
    xoxo.

  15. Vera Ezimora says

    Abbie: No, I’m not a photographer oh. I don’t know how to do anything fancy either. I just have a big camera for nothing, so I often give the impression that I am a photographer. I know nothng about photography. My outfit? Noooooo oooo! lol.

    Aloted: Awww, thanks, love. I’m off to check you out too.

    Woomie O: Nah, I don’t think he knows who I am. Even if he does sef…ehm, well, who knows it’s him I’m blogging about? Yeye man.

    Ibuluv: What are you asking about exactly? R u talking about our chance meeting? I dunno babe. I dunno where I want it to be yet. But I’m still praying. I’d really, REALLY love 2 meet him again.

  16. Buttercup says

    u r one hell of a character! LMAO at u makin that announcement…ur outfit must have been really gorgeous

    ewwwww @ mr gyrator!

    awwwww @ mr contagious!

  17. Vera Ezimora says

    Buttercup: I really shoulda made that announcement. If not for anything, I woulda loved to see the looks on everyone’s faces. lol. That woulda been a sight to behold.

  18. Standtall says

    Fine girl. U shd have made that announcement na (lol).

    Na wa for that man (Mr. Gyrator) shaking his kinni in front of you….

    Keep us posted on Mr. Contagious. It seems like a story that may end well (***wink***)

  19. Afrobabe says

    Lmao at saying thx to how u were doing…I usually get confused and say same to you on birthday wishes..
    Laughing at all the kinds of smiles in ur life…do u practice them in the mirror???

  20. Free-flowing Florida says

    kai! i can just imagine u wanting 2 die wen d hip guy was doing dat sexual assault moves n front of u! Jesus! am even embarrassed on ur behalf. thank God for his mercies @ canceling dat bad luck with mr contagious smile. awwwwwwwwwwwwww. am even falling n love wit d dude reading dis post. i can just see una, 50 years down d line, he's smiling & u r getting wet down there just @ d sight

  21. rayo says

    i just cnt stop lafn. but rili u oughta put up ds old guy’s pix so when any1 sees him at a party, we’ll run 4 dear reps

  22. Vera Ezimora says

    Standtall: I sure do hope that the story with Mr. Contagious ends well. I’d luuuuuuve for it to end well. Who wouldn’t wanna wake up to see that smile of his? Nawa oh, what has gotten into me?? lol.

    Afrobabe: I don’t practice them in the mirror oh, but now that you have asked sef, maybe I should! LOL. It’s just that all smiled are not created equally. My dad did say ‘same to you’ when I wished him a Happy Father’s Day. lol.

    Florida: You’re sick for real. You’re busy thinking about me getting wet for his smile 50 years from now abi? Well, the thought of it does sound exciting and tantalizing. Goodness, that smile was something else. It made me wanna go to City Hall and marry him. Could this be love? lol. Don’t even remind me about Mr. Hip Gyrator.

    Rayo: lol. E no go work for you oh. You want me to put up a picture of the man, so that someone will catch me outside and do me something abi? No oh.

  23. good naija girl says

    I want to see the outfit jo…just keep your face out of the picture, “Miz Anonymous”.

    I have to admit, the minute you started this entry I expected to read about something crazy happening to you at the wedding and of course you did not disappoint! How embarrassing for him (and you, of course)! I am continually amazed at these old men thinking they can get someone fine and young with their silly overtures. I mean seriously??? Some of these men need a big reality check.

    Anyways, a picture is worth a thousand words so stop telling us how hot you looked and show us! :)

  24. Vera Ezimora says

    Aphrodite: lol. I do, don’t I? Sometimes, I amaze myself. Hehehe.

    Good Naija Girl: E no go better for you oh. You’re supporting these people that I should put up a picture of the outfit abi? Mba oh. I no fit do that one. lol. Someone from the wedding might see the outfit and then know who I am and who I was writing about. lol.

  25. SaturnMoonie says

    Oh Vera, Vera, Vera, how I've missed thy wit. You probably don't remember me and that's all good w/ me, but I'm back on blogger and missed your blogs so I'm back to read about your adventures. I've actually read a few blogs before this one, but was too lazy to comment, I must say your Bananas & Tomatoes blog was HILARIOUS, I almost peed my pants, yup you are THAT funny. :)

    -Jen

  26. Reverence says

    you are soo funny!

    eww @ mr gyrator
    you should totally post the outfit who knows mr contagious might find you. what if hes been lovesick, unable to sleep thinking of how to contact you, his one true love?

  27. Vera Ezimora says

    Miz-Cynic: I surely do hope that I meet him. I'm not someone who often wants to meet a guy for the second time. Shoot, a lot of times, I don't even wanna meet him the first time. lol. So yea, I hope we meet again. It's a small world, you know?

    SaturnMoonie: Hmmmm. The name has thrown me off very much. But 'Jen' and the picture, they bring back very vague memories. It's all good though. Who needs old memories when you can make new ones? lol. How you doing gal? I'm glad you're back 2 blogger. Will visit ya soon. lol @ you almost peeing ur pants for my bananas & tomatoes post. lol.

    Reverence: Hmmmmph! All I can say is weldone to all of you that have been trying to get me to put a picture of my outfit. Now you're telling me to put it up coz Mr. Contagious [Smile] might be looking for his one, true love? lol. Nice try oh, Reverence. But try harder. Now, if you were to do something – like donate a Range Rover to me – I will be willing to consider putting the picture up and then some more even. lol. What say you??

  28. chi-grace says

    lol!!
    Thanks for cheering me up, it was like I was actually there watching the whole thing happen.

    I love that speech, pity you didnt get a chance to give it!
    xoxoxo

  29. Vera Ezimora says

    Chigrace: Abi oh! It woulda been great giving the speech, right? I really wanted to. I comtemplated it, but I decided against it. I figured I’d just let the couple have their day…you know…with them having spent all that money. lol. Better luck next time, yes?

    Afronuts: Ah, my dear, I had to use that topic oh because if you know the kind of yeye, nonsense people I have been meeting ehn, you will understand why I was singing God’s praises for Mr. Contagious [Smile]. The Range Rover is on its way, don’t worry. Softly, softly. lol

    Standtall: Thank you, Sister Standtall. I really appreciate your contributions to my future love life. Please, pray serious oh. Dis no be joking matter @ all.

  30. Parakeet says

    Hmm…I am not thick surely but even I am finding it hard to understand why a man will decide to make a spectacle of himself and ask for his picture to be taken. Gross and weird times 2.

    As per the smile…oh I know that feeling. You never want it to cease.

    Will be nice to put up a picture of that outfit u wore to the wedding.

  31. tobenna says

    You apparently know much more than you are letting on about this Contagious guy.
    Pray tell…..
    It may be that you are not yet in love, but you are very well on your way.

    Babe, gwam okwu!

  32. Vera Ezimora says

    Parakeet: I think the man was drunk. At least, I hope he was sha. Indeed, I do not want that feeling to stop. It’s been five days since the smile, and the feeling is still here. Hmmm. Quite unverastic. lol. I’m usually over it in forty-eight hours. Can’t post a picture of the outfit. Pesin go recognize me.

    Tobenna: You think you know me so well, don’t ya? lol. Well, I may know more than I am letting on, but for the purpose of this blog, I no fit spread all my dirty laundry outside na. I am only semi-anonymous. Just about anyone can come across this and read it. Don’t want people to know who I’m writing about biko b4 they jinx me. lol. But uhm…if you’re willing to share that wedding website of yours, I’ll tell you everything you wanna know. Deal??

  33. Mz. Dee says

    wana c picz of ur outfits too!!
    first time here.. think i’m gonna love u!

    but i cant stop laffin @ the old man lap dancin 4 u!!!

  34. Vera Ezimora says

    Mz. Dee: I think I’m gonna love you too. But since so many people have asked for a picture of this outfit of mine, I have to say that I do not mind putting it up, but first, you must make a very simple payment: a 2010 Range Rover. *wink, wink*

  35. SOLOMONSYDELLE says

    verastic!!!! giving head to your father’s age mate at somebody’s wedding????/

    Scandalous!!!!

    Just kidding. lol! Hope all is well.

  36. NigerianDramaQueen says

    you always seem to meet the weirdest men at weddings! At least we have the priviledge of getting a good laugh out of it!

  37. Vera Ezimora says

    SolomonSydelle: Take it back. Take that nonsense you just said back. lol. That’s just nasty. Hehehe.

    Black James Bond: You think so? lol. No oh. I don’t fall in love like that. My friend, Busola even said I don’t have emotions. I’m not in love, just in like. Or maybe in attraction.

    NigerianDramaQueen: I do meet the weirdest men, don’t I?? Maybe they’re doing it on purpose. Maybe they just wanna give me something to write about because me I no come understand how come I must always meet one weirdo or the other. Wetin na??? lol.

  38. Anonymous says

    VNWE, Liar, Liar pant on fire. I know u did not say u were not inlove. Don’t make me spill the beans oh. Thats not what u told me o madam. I believe u talked about Mr. Contagoius for 96 hours straight before i told ur ass to shut up. Umum, Bloggers don’t be fooled o, she was in love. Of course Vera’s love/ crush does not usually last longer than one week. U lucky i love ur ass, i would have spilled the beans. Abi do u want me to say the guy’s name? (Lol)

  39. Vera Ezimora says

    Anonymous AKA Busola: Errr, aren’t you supposed to be doing something else??? First of all, I did not speak about him for 96 hours straight lol. Secondly, My love/crushes last for more than a week. Thirdly, you berra not mention his name o! Or else, I will just cancel this friendship I have with you.

  40. naijaleta says

    What happened to my earlier comment? Walahi, I could have sworn that I left a comment on this blog yesterday. I will go and set up a panel to investigate. Now. I dont even remember what I wrote. Anyway, how are you?

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