So It’s My Fault???

I found two out of my closest friends in Naija on Facebook the other day. Imagine my pleasant surprise. One of them was my best friend [in Naija] and she got married in August. The other one was also really, really close to me, and she got married before my best friend. Anyway, they’re now both married. This wasn’t news to me since we talk on the phone quite often. Although not as often as we used to when I was in Naija, of course. Time and distance has put a damper on our relationship.

Anyway, they’re both married now, and one that got married first now has a child. I was looking at her pictures on Facebook (kai, thank God for Facebook ooo). I saw pictures of her while she was pregnant and pictures of her with her child. It was so weird looking at this chic and her baby. Silly me. All I could think was “I guess she’s no longer a virgin.” LOL. Hey, don’t blame me. I grew up with this gal! Three of us practically grew up together. We went to the same elementary and high school. We grew breasts together and experienced our menarche (first period) together.

Actually, they grew breasts together and experienced their menarche together. I was a late bloomer on all counts. I don’t wanna start thinking about those days that everyone but me had breasts. Oh, the tears I shed! But hey, if they could see me now… hehehehehe *I laugh in Russian* It was traumatizing oh, but don’t let me bore you with my tales of former breastlessness.

As I was saying before I digressed, I was looking at my friends’ pictures on Facebook. I decided to show my mother the pictures to see if she recognized them. My mother and her blunt sef….you won’t believe what she had to say to me.

Mom: *twisting her mouth Naija style* Your friends, aren’t they your age or younger?

Me: *wondering what her point was* Rita (the one with the baby) is my age, but Linda is a year younger than me. Why?

Mom: Your friends that you started out with are married and having children and you you’re here. What are you doing?

Me: *astonished* You’re joking, right?! Mom, please! How can I get a husband when you don’t want to let me out of your sight? [Yes, that is my reason. No, not an excuse, but a REASON]. If I say I’m going to see a movie, you’ll squeeze your face, so how do you expect me to find a husband under such duress? [Yes, I call it duress]

Mom: You don’t go to places where you can find a husband. You go to Funmi’s and Busola’s house.

Okay, I had to laugh out loud. Darn it. Why does she always have to be right??? Come to think of it, I barely go anywhere else and just like Mama Vera said, man no dey for Funmi & Busola house ooo. I have been going to their house for years, and I am yet to meet one eligible bachelor there. I don’t think eligible bachelors live on their street. In fact, I don’t think eligible bachelors live in their zip code sef.

So strategize, I must. Find new friends, I must too. Funmi and Busola are not doing me any good. As soon as I collect my Christmas and birthday gifts, I will ditch them for some new friends. I cannot be friends with people who cannot hook me up with eligible bachelors. *hiss* Wetin sef? Anyway speaking of my birthday, I hope y’ll are preparing?? It’s Jan 14th, baby!

And uhm, feel free to read up on my former breastlessness HERE

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  1. Afrobabe says

    lmao…my mum also told me to start going out with my married friends…maybe their husband’s friends will see me and marry me….and get me off her hands…

  2. Nefertiti says

    Afrobabe, you took the words right outta my mouth. That’s my theory, really. You should try it.

    LMAO @ All I could think was “I guess she’s no longer a virgin.” No be only vigin na immaculate conception. You see person wey don born pikin, you still dey talk about vigin…lol

    Merry Christmas, babes!

  3. NoLimit says

    lol!!!verastic vera can anybody actually put you under duress?lol!!!
    off to read about your “breastlessness” hee hee hee!!!

  4. good naija girl says

    You gotta love Nigerian mothers and their true talk. Naturally in my case it’s my dad who’s observed that the friends I hang out with are all married and they don’t seem to have any potentials that I could possibly get to know.

    Sad but true!

    All I’m getting you for your birthday is wishes of good health. In fact, I’m going to send them to you early! :)

  5. Vera Ezimora says

    No Limit: Congrats oh, my darling.

    Ms O: Thank you, my sister. I will find new friends ASAP. Of course, I will gist you as soon as the man hunt proves fertile.

    Afrobabe: Busola is married. Funmi isn’t. Either way, man no dey for either of their corner. The thing no dey funny anymore o. lol.

    Nefertiti: LOL. My dear, that one na the one wey dey think me for head ooo. I mean, seriously…we used to think of sex and all that. And now, she’s married…with pikin. Na real wa o

    No Limit: Yes oh. I can and I have been put under duress. My mother is the person who is responsible for my duress. I don talk my own ooo!

    Darius: LOL. I dunno, love. If I am, then lucky me!

    Good Naija Girl: Thank you for your wishes of good health, but I will need something tangible. Sebi you hear me so???? Well, I definitely need to find me some new friends. That’s 4 sure!

  6. QMoney says

    this babe,they should replace “impossible” in the dictionary with “vera”!!!
    So wats our new year resolution going to look like?
    Hmm,vera’s bday is coming!!we are all in

  7. rayo says

    hehehehehehehehehehe. *sticking out my tongue at u* i hope funmi and busola read this so they’ll withold ur xmas gifts

  8. StandTall-The Activist says

    If you ditch Funmi and Busola, who go dey there on your wedding day for organising?

    I don tag you o. I scheduled that post saw for today and I intend to finish it up. it’s safer to “save a draft” lesson learnt

  9. darkelcee says

    pele vera its not only you.

    my pastor once told me that he will take me out for lunch and not stay with me, he will hang around with his wife in another section of the resturant while darkelcee sits alone…..what does that mean abeg? so that suitors can spot me abi? kai!

  10. The Boob Sistas says

    LOL!!! Why are people talking about weddings or wedding websites everywhere i go?! Okay Vera, i predict that you are going to meet Mr Right next year in Jesus’ name- AMEN!!!

    Compliments of the season girl, and please visit my new blog when you can.


  11. doug says

    Just came back from reading your other blog. You’re just a bloody weirdo Vera. A girl of many parts. Meanwhile good luck with the man-hunt!!! And Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!

  12. SaturnMoonie says

    LOL your mom sounds a lot like MY mom, the nagging part anyway, my mom lives in Pennsylvania (I’m in Connecticut) so I’m def. out of her sight. (Thank god!!!)

    And I’m so with you on ditching friends that can’t provide us with guys to date. What good are they, right??? So I shall do as you do: I will get my Christmas and Birthday gifts (my Birthday is on Dec. 25th hehe go Capricorns!)and then they’re getting the boot. πŸ˜‰

  13. Jaguda says

    dont find new friends cos funmi and bisola are the best. strategize and up ur game. ur mum is right. she’s been there, done that, had you, and owns the t shirt. so listen young lady[whew]. im sure u will be fine though. just up ur game sistren

  14. Anonymous says

    Do what other people are doing….go online to make new friends. You never know, don’t knock it until you try it. Btw- that Baltimore get as e be…maybe you should move.

  15. says

    babes over boys!!!!
    because, as everyone knows, bad boys bring bastard babies… lol. actuall the original of this said ‘books’ before boys, but this works too.
    how can u abandon ur friends for the search? you should search with the girls, that way you guys can cover a wider range… πŸ˜›

  16. Temite says

    Hilarity thy name is Vera. You are too funny o. So you wan ditch your two friends cuz they no get potential husbands for you. Shebi Funmie is not married yet abi she has a potential ni? You two can go and find husbands together.
    Pele dearie. Friends getting married and having Babies…chei… I am getting nervous…Thank God I dont have a lot of female friends. So where are you going to get new friends ehn? Do let me know what your strategy is cuz me self need a husband soonest, this aunties are beggining to ask questions.

  17. Just...Toluwa says

    u wld actually ditch ur friends after taking their gifts from dem, hmm…u wicked o! And na for man too? lol!

    i hate it wen my mom is ryt!

  18. Vera Ezimora says

    QMoney: LOL. Hahahaha. You’re crazy! My birthday wishlist is not even long or impossible. And no, impossible should not be replaced with Vera. I am possible oo. Very easy-going babe like this.

    Rayo: They fittn’t!!! Withold my gifts?!?! Pesin go wound oooo.

    Standtall: LOL. Yeah, girl. Don’t even schedule for post until you have completed it. I was wondering what happened. LOL. You tagged me ehn? Who gave you the right?

    Dark Elcee: Hahahahaha. Market don bad reach that level? Hahaha. That is funny!

    The Boob Sistas: Amen!!!! Amen!!!!!!!!!! Amen!!!!!!!! Did I shout it enough? LOL. Tis the season to be joyfully wed (and married). I go love o

    Ibiluv: Thanks, darling. I dey wait for am.

    Doug: LOL. You call me a weirdo one more time, I’ll deal with you! How dare you? LOL. Anyway, I take that as a compliment. And merry Xmas to you too.

    Saturn Moonie: You go girl!! See, that’s why I like you. You think like me. Capricorn huh? And a Xmas baby even? Girl. We need to think of new ways to meet men. Ways that exclude our friends. LOL.

    Jaguda: Come oh. Did Funmi and Busola pay you to come here and tell me they’re the best? LOL. Anyway, I will certainly restrategize. But na for where pesin go go find man?

    Rosie: No be say you talk am o. Baltimore really get as e be. But God musto manufacture a man for me here in Bmore. I don’t know how he will do it, but he will surely do it.

    Joicee: Thank you, my love. I will search successfully in Jesus’ name. Amen!!

    Geisha Song: I should search with the girls??? Tufia kwa! What if we have our eyes on the same person? Mba o. They will do their own search while I do mine.

    Original Mgbeke: Haha. You too dey find wetin I dey find ehn? Okay, I will surely let you know. But that is after I get my own man ooo

    Temite: I don’t have a strategy yet o. But I will certainly come up with one ASAP. No, Funmi is not married yet, but you see, that is part of the problem. Her manlessness sef is affecting me. lol.

    Just Toluwa: LOL. Yes ooo! I would totally ditch my friends for a man….after taking their gifts. Why shall I shy? LOL. Girl, don’t even get me started on the mother being right thing.

  19. Buttercup says

    i just read the post u linked..hahahahahahahahaha! jeez..

    well, i guess u need to go into the same praying n fasting mode u went into back then..ur husband will come!

  20. SaturnMoonie says

    I say we start tackling random men πŸ˜‰ I’m sure one of them will be interested…or too scared to say no to us. (Especially after the concussion we give them with the aforementioned tackle) πŸ˜›

  21. Angelique says

    Lol-ur too funny.
    He will find you soon, when you are least expecting it.
    I always imagined what life would be like, if my mum was a typical naija woman, that is always on my case/bugs me. Instead she encourages me to choose wisely and in God’s will.

    The church mummies and my
    aunties on the otherhand, do a very good job of meddling in my business.

    I can hook you up with my Ranger Rover driving cooworker’s best friend.the best friend is, quote a “harvard educated, Dr,son of lagbaja” Nigerian, yadi,yada — lol –he loves talking about his friend.
    seeing coworker’s rover reminds me of you.. j\k about the hookup thing. I detest hookups.

  22. In my head and around me says

    No breasts was an issue!? When others (yes, me!) had them and did not want them so early. One man’s meat…

    My friend moved abroad to be with her husband and is now pregnant. I felt strange telling my parents that miss goody-goody was pregnant. She laughed and reminded me that
    1. She did not go to America for praise and worship crusade.
    2. She was not living with her brother.

    Mothers sha!

  23. simplegal says

    LOL! Vera you are so funny…you will find one soon oh! Amen! And when you find pls let me know coz I too have been harrassed. One of my ex-classmates even suggested that I might have ‘lele’ tendencies…The nerve…

  24. kuesooM says

    Tell me abt it. Just got home and theyve got a “potential” lined up and i’m hating this. Am I not allowed to decline the meet up, am i not allowed to have my type…girl, friends hooking friends up is not the best…..

    But do take funmi with u on ur search but set rules like whoever claps eyes on the guy first has first dibs…!

  25. Vera Ezimora says

    Buttercup: My dear, no be say you talk am ooo. I don enter the mode already sef. hahaha

    Saturn Moonie: I'm with you all the way, babe. Did you watch Norbit? If you did, do you remember the way Resputia got Norbit to be her boyfriend? She asked him if he had a gf and he said no. So she said, "Well, you do now!" LOL. That could word too.

    Angelique: Did you say Range Rover??? Well, please hook me up then! LOL. Your coworker must be really proud of his friend, ehn? Good 4 two of them.

    In My Head & Around Me: LOL. I know the feeling. lol @ living with her brother and praise and worship service. Mothers can be so blunt ehn… goodness!

    Standtall: When? Stop lying o. Say the truth and shame the devil.

    Simple Gal: LOL. Hahahaha. Lele tendencies? Kai. Imagine insult upon injury. Hahaha. These people no dey fear again o

    Rethots: You're right. I most certainly do. You're my kinda man! :)

    KuesooM: LOL. Hahahaha. Whoever claps first has first dibs?? LOL. Na so so clap I go dey clap my eyes for every man that comes in. That will be my default setting.

  26. Vera Ezimora says

    Kafo: Really? So how did it feel being “insulted” by mom? LOL. Unless, of course, yours was the good kind.

    Standtall: lol to you too.

  27. Onyedika says

    Vera I think you need to move back to naija. Honestly within a week you will get 5 marriage proposals. There are lots of single men in Lagos o!

  28. Vera Ezimora says

    Onyedika: There are many reasons I would love to move back to Naija, but I don’t want my search for a husband to be one of them. Besides, I’m not ready 2 move back. There are several things I still need 2 accomplish/

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