Let Me Tell You About My Sex Toys

Well, technically, they’re not mine. But I’ll tell you about them anyway.

A couple of months ago, I had to attend a friend’s bridal shower. I did not want to buy the usual gift: lingerie. So I visited a naughty store close to my house. I don’t think these stores are actually called naughty stores, but for my sake, that is what I prefer to call them. Before I went in, I expected to find the usual: vibrators, handcuffs, whips, massage oils, adult movies, etc. But when I got in there, the things I saw totally blew my mind.

I asked the shop keeper so many questions that I think he was sick of me. If he could, he would have probably sent me out of the shop. I took pictures of some very interesting toys like the various colors of men’s members: blue, green, purple, yellow, pink, turquoise, orange, and much more (and they were mostly in neon). It was unusual. Why someone would want a man’s member in a color like that, and especially in neon was beyond me. And then, there was an 18-inch double header [a man’s member with two heads]. I still don’t understand that one. Are you supposed to share it with a friend? Or are you supposed to have the option of switching penetrating sides? *INSERT IGBO GIRL SHRUG*

There’s a general myth among my [African] men that sex toys are only for women. Apart from the fact that there are actually a lot of toys for men, I also cannot help but wonder: if the toy is made for the woman and the man uses it with her/on her, and of course, enjoys it in the process, is the toy, then, not for them both? But speaking of men’s toys, I saw something that was called a total erection system. I did not have the courage to ask the storekeeper what it was or how it was used. It had something that looked like a pressure cuff in it, too. Some things are better left unknown.

I really wanted to put pictures of the toys here, but I’ve never put such raunchy pictures on my blog. Silly pictures, yes. Too-much-information pictures, yes. Raunchy pictures of sex toys that look like the actual members? Not really. I do, however, have two pictures that are not as raunchy. Enjoy.

This is the ball gag. I asked the shop keeper what it’s used for, and he said you put it in the girl’s mouth [just like the picture] while they’re having  sex, and what it does is create a muffled sound. My next question was, “But why???” And the shop keeper just gave me a what’s-wrong-with-this-girl look and said, “Because people like it!” Okay, then. I still don’t get it.

This one, all I could think of when I first saw it was maybe they’re mints for your mouth after oral sex? No, I was wrong. These go deep mints are for just that: going deep. Apparently, these mints numb the woman’s throat, so that when she’s performing oral sex on her man, she would be able to take more of his member in. This is an example of a toy that the man would derive pleasure from.

But why are you reading a post about oral sex? Because on Saturday, February 19th 2011, the Verastically Speakin’ Talk Show makes its debut — again.  Topic: What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Sex Toys. I’ll be co-hosting with Miss Jayla and Amara Nwankpa, both of whom are very opinionated and experienced? The show will air at its usual time of 10 AM U.S. Eastern Time [3 PM GMT or 4 PM Nigerian Time]. Call 1.646.929.1905 to give us a piece of your mind about sex toys. There would be a live interactive chat room; all you need is a free account from www.blogtalkradio.com. If you don’t have one, now is the time to get one. If you already have one, make sure you still remember your user name and password. In case you are confused, this is an internet-based talk show. Just click the shop topic on Saturday to listen and chat.

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  1. Enoch says

    But why?!!! Lol

    Verastic is such a good girl not only is a sex shop like an alternate universe to her, she can’t even say “penis,” in its place? “Member.” Smh.

    Well, I hope I reMember to tune in for the show. And as for the live chatroom, how do I register to become a Member?

    • says

      Shut up! This isn’t about being a good girl. I can say penis – there, I said it. The reason why I kept saying member is because people who are searching for porn on the internet keep stumbling on my blog because of such words as penis (see, I said it again). Per the sex shop, laugh all you want oh … I’m still going to ask …. but why?????

      Continue typing member all you want. Naughty man. I do admit, however, I have missed you shaaa!

  2. taynement says

    I hope I remember to tune in. Lol you crack me up Vera. I am tickled by you saying Member. who still says that?? LOL

  3. El Divine says

    Haha… this is the most sanitised sex toy post Ive seen in my life. Vera you can do better nah!! 😉 abi ur saving it for the talk show?

    • says

      See oh. What were you expecting? A picture of me using a sex toy? LOL. You’re not serious at all. *rolling eyes* I should have even included a biblical scripture at the end of this post, just for the fun of it.

      • Unnaked says

        Since you think we think we want a photo of you using a sex toy, then by all means let it happen…. Lol

        Na joke o. No go do am true true o… Even though I no say u no get the spleen to do am… Lol

        • says

          Look @ your mouth like I no get the spleen to do am. Don’t be testing me oh. One day, one day, I’ll surprise all of you. It’s not that I don’t have the spleen to do it; it’s that I have just chosen not to do it. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

    • says

      Hahahaha. You’re not serious at all! Lemme tell you, I am a baaaaaad girl ooo. in short, no try me sef. If my Pastor reads this post, I’ll tell him it’s not what he thinks. Q.E.D

    • says

      Chike b’anyi …. yay, you came! Thanks, boo. Yeah, definitely tune in. We intend to be crazy. Well, I’m mostly sane. Can’t vouch for the other two. *side eye at Amara and Jayla*

    • says

      Honestly, I still don’t get it. Why someone would enjoy sex while being gagged is a mystery to me. But then again, so many strange things do happen anyway. Who is it even a pleasure for? The man or the woman??? 😐

  4. says

    Vera you are just too much..lol. You truly never cease to amaze me. Amazing grace how sweet thy sound, not that muffled sound… see what you have caused. i can’t sing a worship song again.

    I ll be working all day saturday : (

    • says

      LOL. Abeg oooo. No dey blame your lack of holy spirit on me. LOL. You’ll be working all day on Saturday, ke? Nah men. We soooo cannot have that! Wetin na? How dare your job give you work on Saturday? Get me your boss on the phone. I’ll straighten this out right now.

  5. says

    Vera! Vera! Vera! how many times have i called you? member? This felt like a biology class lecture in a convent.

    ahem…. so which one you buy na?

    • says

      LOL @ Biology class in a convent. You know what? I don’t have time for all of you *insert long Igbo hiss* I didn’t buy anyone for myself, but I ended up buying a pair of handcuffs and a whip for my friend. She’s married now, and she still hasn’t sent me the video I requested (of her and her hubby using the gifts :D)

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