And you thought it wasn’t possible! If there’s one thing I absolutely love, it’s discovering stuff that was once thought of as impossible. I remember on one – maybe a few – episode(s) of The Verastic Show where we somehow went into the topic of broken hymens, restoration, etc. A caller had called in and said that Nigerian women use alum to restore the tightness of their vaginas, thereby tricking men into thinking that they did not have “high mileage.” That was the first time I ever heard of that. Today, however, I have discovered a way for women to regain their virginity for the low price of $29.95 (that’s about N4,492.50 - at the exchange rate of $1 to N150) … and it includes the shipping cost! Continue to find out how.
I don’t even know how to begin to describe this hymen kit. It has literally left me at a loss for words. On one hand, I am laughing at the men who will fall for this fake virginity stunt, but on the other hand, I am worried for my sons. They have not been conceived yet, and women now have a way to fake their virginity. What will happen by the time my sons are old enough to get married?
In other words, pretend to be a virgin, spill some fake blood, and then, moan and groan to confirm pain (and pleasure?) to seal the deal. Okay. Got ya! To use the kit, the aspiring virgin has to insert the artificial hymen into her vagina about 15 to 20 minutes before intercourse, and she should note that after intercourse, some of the artificial hymen will melt inside the vagina. But don’t worry, it probably doesn’t cause cancer.
If you’re concerned about what people will think when they see that you have received a package from the Hymen Shop, then worry no more because it will arrive in a discreet packaging and no one will know what’s in it. For every woman that has been branded as the highway, as Google (everyone is browsing), as the Post Office (people keep going in and out) the asewo ten kobo, and as the Keziah, this here, is your way of keeping your secret.
The good news is that I have figured out a way to protect my sons: if any woman spills blood for them, they have to take that bed sheet to the nearest lab for some DNA testing. My mom always says that it is with madness that you fight madness. There is no other way to fix this. We just all have to be mad.
That said, I say ntoooo (sticking tongue out) to all the men who are looking for virgins. Virgins are great by all accounts, but any man who is not a virgin has lost his right to look for one. The irony is that it is always the sleaziest of men that go looking for virgins, the men who have sampled every woman and their cats.
The next time you break a woman’s hymen, think twice. In the meantime, you can go to the artificial hymen site to see what I’m seeing. And possibly order yourself a brand new virginity?
Disclaimer: This is not an endorsement of this product, nor is this an ad of any kind. View and purchase at your own risk.