Igwe’s Other Woman

Igwe has been pretty faithful as far as I know. I mean, I have done everything to catch him in the act. I have attached a gps to his car; I have trailed his every move for one whole month. I have snooped into his phone, e-mail, and call records. I have even gone to white-garment churches for them to see vision for me. Nada. There has never been anything questionable. Until now.

Since Igwe got the iPhone 4S, I have not stopped hearing Siri’s voice. Siri this. Siri that. The other day, he told Siri to call Funmie. And Siri did. I was on the other line with Funmie and the girl refused to pick Igwe’s call. She screamed, “Siri, leave me alone oooo! I don’t want to talk to you.”

Yesterday morning, Igwe sent me a beautiful text message that had me saying “awwwww,” only to find out that he told Siri to send that text. Yesterday, he came back from work and said he was going to stay in the room the entire evening to do some work. My people, all he did was play on his Siri. And when I came to talk to him, he had the nerves to tell me that he was “working.” Working???

So I have decided to do what all sane women will do to the other woman: I will confront Siri and tell her to back off! If that doesn’t work, I will wake up at three in the morning – when Igwe is in deep sleep. I will take Siri out, put her under my tire and drive over her a few times. If she still fails to succumb to death at this point, then there’s always flushing her down the toilet. One way or another, she will be out of Igwe’s life.

Who’s with me?

Comments

  1. Pendo says

    Lol or tell him to choose between you and Siri………men and their gadgets!
    “i have done everything to catch him in the act” on a serious note this got me thinking why do women expect to catch their men even if nothing is going on is it a lack of trust? i used to have a suspicious and overactive imagination due to past dealings that almost ruined my current relationship until i realised that people are different and not all men are shady you know how they say you think/imagine it enough and it will manifest itself?…….well i only think positive thoughts these days positivity all the way!

  2. says

    Uhm. It could be a lack of trust. But I think most times it’s just because you’re a woman and he’s a man and you expect him to be doing something he’s not supposed to be doing —- because he’s a man and that’s what they all do. As you said, it isn’t always the case. And things aren’t always what they seem. Of course, it’s a lot easier to preach it than be it. God help us oh. Lol.

    Oh, and I’ll definitely be telling him to pick between me and Siri. Great idea!

    • Pendo says

      by the way forget GPS tracker etc implant one of those bug thingys i see cops plant in the movies smewhere on his body hehehehe
      you not only get to track his movements but your get to hear every conversation lol

  3. nneoma says

    Lols. I won’t givE up my blackberry for my man…. Its not just the same thing, asking him to give up A gadget to prove his faithfulness or commitment to you. That’s totAlly weird. MAybe I can giVe it up that vEry minute. Cos he wants to talk or whine or just wants my uTmost Focus on whatever stories he may be spinning @ that poinT in time. But after that am back with my boo (bb)

  4. Adabeke says

    LWKMD. Siri gets around oooh. First it was with Samuel L. Jackson, then John Malkovich, now Igwe. Abomination, we must get rid of this chick.

    You are too much Vera

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