Igwe has been pretty faithful as far as I know. I mean, I have done everything to catch him in the act. I have attached a gps to his car; I have trailed his every move for one whole month. I have snooped into his phone, e-mail, and call records. I have even gone to white-garment churches for them to see vision for me. Nada. There has never been anything questionable. Until now.
Since Igwe got the iPhone 4S, I have not stopped hearing Siri’s voice. Siri this. Siri that. The other day, he told Siri to call Funmie. And Siri did. I was on the other line with Funmie and the girl refused to pick Igwe’s call. She screamed, “Siri, leave me alone oooo! I don’t want to talk to you.”
Yesterday morning, Igwe sent me a beautiful text message that had me saying “awwwww,” only to find out that he told Siri to send that text. Yesterday, he came back from work and said he was going to stay in the room the entire evening to do some work. My people, all he did was play on his Siri. And when I came to talk to him, he had the nerves to tell me that he was “working.” Working???
So I have decided to do what all sane women will do to the other woman: I will confront Siri and tell her to back off! If that doesn’t work, I will wake up at three in the morning – when Igwe is in deep sleep. I will take Siri out, put her under my tire and drive over her a few times. If she still fails to succumb to death at this point, then there’s always flushing her down the toilet. One way or another, she will be out of Igwe’s life.
Who’s with me?