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For All You Breast-Owning People...
Let no one say, "Vera never offers us anything good." Hear ye, hear ye!!Uju is in med school. Did you know that? There are some perks to having a friend in med school: She teaches me stuff. I am guaranteed of free medical care for the rest of my life (after she graduates, of course). She even offers me free surgeries. Ah, yes... she has offered me a free mastectomy courtesy of Youtube. Whoever said YouTube is useless? I'll get to the reason why she's offered me a free mastectomy later.
So apparently - according to Uju, the med student - for each child a woman has, she decreases her chances of having breast cancer by 7%. For each child she breast feeds for a year, she reduces her chances of having breast cancer by 4.3%. Sooooo.... let's assume that she breast feeds each child for one year. That means that for each child a woman has and breast feeds for a year, she decreases her chances of having breast cancer by 11.3%.
Ah! My people, it is SETTLED!!! 100% divided by 11.3% is 8.8495575 (8.85). Let's round that up to 9. So that means that if a woman has 9 children, she has completely erased her chances of ever having breast cancer. Very well then! And I thought there is no way to prevent breast cancer! Hear ye, hear ye.... having 9 children will erase your chances of having breast cancer.
The other option, which my med-student-friend was also quick to point out, is to have a mastectomy. [And that is why the nonentity offered me a free mastectomy courtesy of YouTube]. By having a mastectomy, a woman decreases her chances of having breast cancer by 90%. And that is if she cuts off both breasts ooo! Personally, I don't think it's worth it. Why cut off both breasts and still have a 10% risk when you can just have 9 children, breastfeed them, and have NO RISK???
Besides, at the rate of 11.3% per child, nine children actually equal 101.7% And considering the fact that I also intend to breastfeed hubby, that should count for another ---- I don't know --- 50%??? So you see, I'm good!!! Hear ye, hear ye.... save thy self!!
DISCLAIMER: Though the percentages are correct (according to the med student), this formula for breast cancer prevention has not been medically or scientifically tested and/or proven (to my knowledge). This formula, therefore, is simply Verastic. Try at your own risk.
P.S. Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio now has a regular time: Every Saturday @ 10:00 AM U.S Eastern (3:00 PM Naija time). All upcoming shows are on the sidebar on the right. Send e-mails for contributions. Answer the poll about dating exes. And please go to www.blogtalkradio.com/verastic to set reminders for any and all shows. Thank you, darlings!!
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1st!!!!
Lol…free mastectomy ke?
Gudluck wiv 9kids o Vera, I think after the 3rd its a wrap man…lol
LOL what a funny topic. Well, I will stick to having two children max and also keep two of my boobies in tact. God dey
Kai and to think i just stopped breast feeding that boy!!!!!!!!
Ok we'll resume again LOL
But see now Mr has said as long as i'm breastfeeding that boy he ain't coming anywhere near my boobies!!!!!!!!
Verastic you simply must gimme a solution!!!!!!!!
I swear I wonder what you eat to come up with sutff like these!!!! but good luck ooooo 151.01 percent is not bad men. Now If I can just get that hubby and we can start popping out babies left right and center, I will be set…..
Funny as this is it makes a dozen sense to me o..
Nice writeup, excellent initiative but hey.. aw many woman go go do nine babies even if this stuff is scientifically and medically tested and proved 100% gba by God self!..lol
Cool sha
xoxoxo
LOL!
You can imagine how interested I was in the post since I'm currently breastfeeding.
The yorubas have a saying that 'chopping off the head is not the solution to a headache', so there goes the option of chopping off the breast.
But, I'm confused here o! Since after chopping off both breasts, a woman still has a 10% chance…… if she has cancer on her chest(where the breasts used to reside) what will we call it? Chest cancer? Residue-of-breast cancer?
LOL! I no go try o. Don't even try to convince me.
I am sorry I have been unable to follow your radio shows.. as soon as I get back from Naija I will be more flexible.
I'll think i'll try at my own risk.
Vera, i don't like odd numbers, so i think i'll just round it up to a good old Ten.
Abi wetin u think?
LMAO!! seriously vera, u did the math and all?? ahhh yaa
funny how your brain works. Keep bringing forth the good stuff.
Vera don come again o!
This your calculation…e be as e get.
You try, na real good stuff
A foot ball team of children would not be bad idea , that would be almost 200%
You try!
lol..9 children plus the hubby to breastfeed in one´s lifetime lol
That one na fulltime occupation o!
3 pikins and 1 hubby shud decrease my chances very well. I take care of the remaning 20%. lol.
Ur description is now "I'm in love"
Thats serious oh. let us know how far
I have slways said it. You missed your calling in Life. You should have been a statistician
lol.
As usual, you were very funny. your sense of humour is quite huge. I like it.
I think i'd rather recommend the 9 kids option. that's better than cutting the breasts off and having cosmetic replacements.
thanks for stopping by my blog…
UnderCover07: Congrats on being first. So you're not gonna have 9 kids ehn? Una sef! Una no dey hear word ooo!
Nice Anon: LOL @ keeping both of your boobies. That's the spirit. But what is wrong with having 9 kids? Think of all the bride price you stand to make… hehe.
FluffyCuteThing: LOL! Why won't Mr. come close to your boobies? He should not make us force him oo! In short, here's what we're going to do: we're going to hire some bad boys, all those agboro boys ehn… then we'll pay them to catch and tie Mr. up. From there, we shall proceed to force both boobies into his mouth. Let's see how he "won't come anywhere near" them.
Temite: LOL. Now that is the spirit! The hubby will come soonest, don't worry. When he does, just remember to pop out nine kids and breastfeed ten people. Simple, huh?
Sassy Trends: LOL. It makes sense to you, huh? You're a very smart chic. LOL. Trust me, if God declares that this is the way forward, people will do it ooo…especially our Naija peeps.
Vivacious n Chic: LOL!! My dear, I don't know ooo! The thing is very funny to me too. Really, what then will she call it? Maybe "former breast cancer" or "imitation breast cancer" LOL. Howz your baby? Breastfeed till she's one oo! And make sure you're breastfeeding hubby too. Don't worry, you only have 8 more children to go
[some of us are yet to start sef....]
Adaeze: You no go try??? Did you say you no go try??? Hmmmph!! Babe, na warn I dey warn you ooo! Anyway, it's okay (per the radio show); I'll be looking forward to hearing from you once you get back. Have a safe trip!
Gochi: I like the way you think. I don't care for odd numbers either. Even numbers are the way to go, so you go girl… ten babies! Why not, if not?
Lil Miss Thang: LOL. Of course, I did the math! I did it all for you oh…! Don't say I never do anything for you. LOL.
Olafunke: I like the way you think too. A football team of children will definitely bring you plenty of good tidings. A trial will convince you.
Joicee: This is one occupation I do not mind @ alllll! Especially the part of breastfeeding hubby for a lifetime. Yes, ke!
Yinkuslolo: How will you take care of the remaining 20%? Pray, do share. As for my description, that one no be new thing ooo. Been there for a minute now
Life of a Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. For someone that hated statistics in school, this comes as a surprise. I don't know if the surprise is pleasant or not. LOL
Deedo: Awww. You're welcome! I, too, love the 9 kids option. Makes wayyyyy more sense, right?
vera u u are just too funny…..9 children? In this economy? na wa ooo ……lol and removing both of my breast is not an option either so u have to come up with some other options to reduce my chance….lmao.!!!
cicieko.blogspot.com
vera u u are just too funny…..9 children? In this economy? na wa ooo ……lol and removing both of my breast is not an option either so u have to come up with some other options to reduce my chance….lmao.!!!
cicieko.blogspot.com
vera u u are just too funny…..9 children? In this economy? na wa ooo ……lol and removing both of my breast is not an option either so u have to come up with some other options to reduce my chance….lmao.!!!
cicieko.blogspot.com
i will take my chances with two kids…plus Oga ,hehehe
Verastically Vera. Thhis your calculation is veree verastic. I shall practicalise it when I see your own etimological example. Until then Let no one say I didn't listen to you. Hear yer Hear ye!
These formula can only be verastic!!!
Who woulda thought that the simple way to prevent breast cancer is to have ur boobs sucked constantly???
How convenient!
And just to be on the safe side, have unprotected sex and still forget about contraceptives!!!
Peachy!!!
Thank you Vera, Thank you Uju!!!
I'll spread the word.
Mad people everywhere. Nono, Me i should have 9 kids abi. U dey craz for head. the one i;m breast feeding, i pray everytime i try to breast feed him so that he won't bite me and u r talking about 9. Hubby is scared of my breast because he said breast milk will make him retarded. I do agree with him on the retardation to an extent. I mean look at u and Funmi after drinking my breast milk. I wouldn;t agree 100% dat the breast milk is the cause since both of u were dumb way before drinking the milk but heyyyyy. No thanks with the 9 children offer, i will pass. Good luck to u and my baby father with 10 children sha.
only vera will come up wt this formula…hmmmm, i see. let me see the ring first then we'll talk about the children
Brideprice= fatness. Think about all the time you have to spend at the gym and doesn't having kids stretch out your kini or so I have heard. wetin i know? All the kegel exercises you have to do? Hmmmm chekwa ya eche ooo
Cici: Don't worry, by the time you have the 9th child, the economy will be better. Since you don't wanna have them cut off, just make sure that hubby sucks the life out of them. LOL.
Chayoma: LOL. Well, in that case, make sure that Oga sucks them very, very well ooo!
Luscious Ron: LOL! Oh, ye of little faith. Why must thou waiteth for an example?? Just believe and do as I have instructed you. Till you do, hear ye, hear ye!! LOL
Woomie: Hahaha. What an oxymoron! To be safe, have unprotected sex and forget contraceptives? LOL. Okay oo. No be me preach that one ooo. The one I preached is constant boob-sucking (and baby-delivering). But if you want to add that your own, go ahead ooo.
Anonymous AKA Busola: You come here and talk to me like that one more time, I will deal with you mercilessly. Tell your hubby to just go ahead and drink the breast milk, so we can know for sure whether it makes people retarded or not. Needless to say, your hubby can't be that smart. I mean, he married you. As for Funmi and your breast milk, we all know Funmi is a retard.
Sweet Nothin: Well, you can wait for the ring all you want ooo! Me, I have told you people what to do.
Nice Anon: Dis babe sef! Wetin dey do you now? Why can't you allow me to enjoy this my formula? Now, ibiago to start mentioning all the kegels et all. Ngwa, eche go'm ya eche, and akwa eziokwy k'ikuru. So what will happen ehn… I'll just stick to 3 kids, but I'll make sure hubby sucks them for @ least two hours a day. This new plan adiro bad abi?
hehehehe
lollllllllllllllllllll. Veraaa
Only you gurl
LOL..once again only you can come up with such things with such simple statistics.. NINE children? GOD is your strength you hear..lol
9 children will stop breast cancer? I will just stop at12 just tobe onthe safe side now abi.
loool Vera you wont kill me! but this you theory is quite fascinating!
VERA!!!
now u r into statistics? na A1 u get for maths abi?!
i cannot, will not cut off my DD boobs for anything! i rebuke every kind of cancer spirit.
and as for the 9 kids, no shit now, i go just dey born dem dey send dem to "Aunty" Very abi?!
Dark ElCee: How now!! How pregnancy dey go? I hope say you don fat finish? LOL. After this one, you'll only have 8 more to go. Congrats!
Tay-Mee: And he's your strength too na!
You'll see the kin wonder the Man go do.
Temmy Tayo: You go girl!! Having a dozen kids has to have a lotta advantages. Go for it. I dey for your back.
Ms. O: If you know what is good for you, you better do as I say ooo! Fascinate yourself and do it
Omotee: You have double D boobies!!! Get the heck out of here!! I thought double D boobies were a myth. LOL. Born all the pikins you want. Aunty Vera is here – NOT! How I go manage your own when I go dey born my own?
i am waiting for you on Aloted's blog o!
Vera, Vera, Vera!!! How many times did I call you ehn? Just stick to blogging and quit all this statistical analysis.
Neverthless sha, I may attempt the gree advice – lol