Are You Looking For A Husband?

If you are not married, then the answer is yes. Don’t even think about it. The only circumstance under which your answer may be no is if you don’t want to be married or if you are into women. But even then, if you are into women and you plan on calling your future partner your husband, then I guess you will also say yes to this question. I don’t know if husband is what a woman would call her female partner. I’m just grasping at straws here. Don’t quote me. Naturally, I have also digressed. The question at hand is, are you looking for a husband? And if you’re a straight woman who plans on getting married, then the answer is yes. I’ll tell you where to find this husband. Read on.

I am sure you know that I am not married. I have only mentioned it like a gazillion times. In light of this fact, I, Vera Ezimora, am looking for a husband. But to sleep better at night, I prefer saying a husband is looking for me. Sounds so much better, no? Finding a husband is so difficult these days. Well, it’s always been difficult. You don’t know where to go or who (whom?) to look at. All the men say they are the one for you, but something is always missing. They require of you what they have not to give. Or they swear they’re looking out for you, though their actions hurt you. Or they say they believe in you and your dreams, but everyday, their actions speak otherwise. And then, you begin to truly wonder what is wrong with you. You ever have those moments when you laugh at yourself and ask yourself, “Seriously, what the hell am I doing talking to him?” Yeah, me too.

So now, babes are reverting to the old methods of meeting/finding husbands. Forget Facebook. Forget the grocery store. Forget the club. In fact, forget meeting a new person. That dream has proven abortive. It turns out that meeting a new man is almost impossible. You meet him, get excited about meeting this new man, only to find out that he slept with Chika, your neighbor, he dated Kemi, the girl in your church choir, he toasted Ese for over three months, and just last night, he was still on the phone telling Biola, “Baby, just give me a chance, please.” And then, there you are. Right smack in the middle of it all.

What you want is to just show your friends a picture of Obinna say, “This is Obinna, he’s a graduate of Philosophy, he lives in South Carolina …” But before you open your mouth sef, one of your friends will help you, “Ah, ah! Isn’t this Obinna?! I know him now! We took a Sociology class in 2005. He used to date Bola … no wait, it was Serena he dated. Bola was just his you-know-now! (she winks) Ah, he’s a very sweet guy oh. I remember when he was head over heels in love with Ifeoma *sigh* I don’t think he ever got over that girl. I even saw them together at the movie theater last weekend. He still had the same look in his eyes. Chei. But Obinna can be a bad guys ooo! He played Chizoba like soccer. The girl was in his room every night getting it from all angles. She thought he loved her. Mmm. Anyway, it is well oh! Ehen, what were you saying? …”

So now, all you want to do is meet a man the old-fashioned way. You want to meet a man who has been vetted by people you know. By your friend(s), by your family, by co-workers. By your Pastor. No longer do you care to meet a new person because as it turns out, that doesn’t even exist. The good news is that the time has come for you to meet such a man.

It’s going down this Saturday, July 16th 2011 from 4pm to 6pm.  For two hours, God will show you 1000 men for your picking (or for the picking of you). As you can see, our God is a God of specificity. Not 999 men. Not 1001 men. But 1000 men. Hurry while supplies last. Thankfully, this ad even shows you pictures of the caliber of men that will be present

CAUTION: You may take this post as seriously as you want to. Attend at your own risk.

 

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Comments

  1. says

    Vera Vera!! Walai you will not kill somborri!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this how it is now :).. So husbands are that easy to find these days eeeh!! At least people will start posting sendible pictures of themselves on FB and stop hitting the clubs all the time you get what I mean ;).. And I thought you left that boat of “Husband in search of you” I must have been missing in gist for too long.. nods head in disgrace..

    • says

      Nne, it’s not my fault oh! Na jeje I siddon and they come send me this picture for phone, and then, I thought, who am I to not share it? You thought I left the boat of Husband In Search Of Me??? Why would you ever think that?!?! LOL. I nefa marry nau! And yes, you have been missing in gist too long.

  2. says

    Buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
    This girl has killed me o!!
    *DEAD*
    I was busy reading the top half of the post, nodding away in complete agreement, waiting for the grand exposé………..msssccchhheeewwwww!

    You’re just a dusty girl honestly lol

    • says

      Maxine, nne, it’s good you were nodding your head while reading oh. Na true talk be that. Tehehe. I don’t know what you mean by calling me a dusty girl, but I’ll take it as a compliment.

  3. RJ says

    WOW!!! This is funny. The 7th guy is Detroit Michigans former mayor, is he going to be there? The man is married with 2 children oh, are they now desperate enough not too care if the man is married or not? Don’t get me started on his “situation”, I believe his PAROLE prevents him from leaving the state of MI at the moment oh.
    LMAO!! They couldn’t even use real nigerians in the damn flier SMH…that’s enough to deter u from going.

    P.S. Is that kanye west in the 2nd picture? Ha!

    • says

      Hahahahahahahaha @ Kanye West and Detroit’s former mayor. LOL!!!!!!!!! Well, maybe his parole now allows him to visit Nigeria to find wife. Maybe Pastor Telena’s God told him to fly down to Nigeria. Hahahahaha. Still laughing at the Detroit Mayor. Tooooooo funny!

  4. AnonymousGA says

    I was about to ask why the former Mayor of Detroit is on the flyer. Is he an example of the caliber of men being “offered”? O_o

    All jokes aside sha, I will be there live!! I shall not miss my shance to pick from 1,000 men specially offered by God. My time has finally come!! Vera, you will be the MC at the wedding o.
    *Off to the market to look for a befitting attire for the occasion*

    • says

      You’re the one who is saying that Kwame is in jail oh! Pastor Telena clearly has insider information about the actual whereabouts of the former Mayor. LOL

  5. says

    Hahahahah this is so funny! My first time here on your blog I believe. It is a shame that I can bet you so many single women will show up for the 1000 men. When people realize these kind of things are scams, even if you get husband na psychological ginger o.

    • says

      Your first time here? Awwww! I was talking to my friend, Uju, and we pretty much said the same thing … that so many women will show up because (1) They are desperate to be married, and (2) It’s “God!”

  6. says

    I started smiling when i got to “Forget Facebook. Forget the grocery store. Forget the club…” By the time i saw the crusade advert… :D

    • says

      LOL. I can only imagine what you were doing by the time you saw the crusade ad. It’s a very serious something oh. I am in no position to judge Pastor Talena, but this ad is messed up. Haba.1000 men … including a felon who is currently locked up in Obodo Oyibo prison. Nawa oo.

  7. says

    I think you might have something wrong with you! LOL
    You know what you need to do? You need to expand your circle, that’s what. Leave MD, come to London for the summer or something. My cousin met his wife like that, he was in the states, she came over from London, they met, the rest is history.

    Or alternatively you could read my ‘How to snag an Igbo man’ blog. I’ve got a new post…unless you don’t want to and a Naija guy would do.
    But try London sha. :)

    • says

      Funny enough, I was just talking about coming to London yesterday. I wasn’t planning it for the sake of finding husband, but hey, whatever works, right? Bia, if by the end of reading this your blog, I don’t “snag” an Igbo man ehn, na fight oh!

  8. says

    All jokes aside I do think that for those of us who have passed the age of meeting someone at work (because they are all married and it could get awkward) or meeting them at school, meeting someone through a friend or family member who can vouch for the person’s decency and character is the best bet!

    But I’d stick to a friend or family member who can introduce me one one guy rather than this shady ad! ;)

    • says

      GNG, I totally agree with you. Meeting someone who is already vetted by another someone that you know is not a bad idea. Now, I don’t understand that whole thing you said about being too old to meet them in certain place. Say what??? That’s impossible! LOL.

  9. says

    Bia! Nekwanu m anya biko nu, blame for what? I can only teach you how to fish….maybe lend you money for hook, line and sinker and point out which rivers to avoid (view earlier comment). The rest dizikwa up to you. :)

  10. says

    I am not even laffing. Tell me one of those cute guys is actually a somebody famous?! These pastors sef.

    I am thinking of sending this picture to the Mayor so he can sue his ass off. Smh. Pastor Talena jide kwa nno di ha ahu oo. A choghi m.

  11. says

    Ginger, me I had to laugh oh —- and this was even before I realized that one of the guys is the former mayor of Detroit. I just had to laugh. There were too many reasons for me to laugh. I no fit shout. I wonder how the event went sef.

    • says

      Joel!!!!!!! Longest time ooo. See as you just abandoned me. Soooo not fair! Anyway, thank God you were laughing. I was laughing too. You see what we (women) go through?

  12. Adabeke says

    Vera, you are just something else. Lmao. You are so silly. The picture is the post is just something else. Don’t worry, as the marriage thing hit me without even expecting it, it will do the same to you.

    • says

      Amen oh! Seeing as things always have a funny way of happening to me, I won’t be surprised if the marriage things hits me by surprise too. I might wake up one morning and say, “Hot damn! I am getting married!!” LOL.

      Per the picture, nne, I don tire to dey look am. It’s just too funny.

  13. says

    Hi Vera,

    The devil you know is still truly better than the devil you don’t know so I’m with you on looking not-far-from around us when searching for a life partner.
    Facts have it that couples that met each other through family or friends have a better longer lasting marriage. Is this because they don’t want to disappoint those family and friends? I’m not sure.

    You have really entertained me with this post. Now, that’s a good first impression considering that this is the first post I read on your blog. And I wish that every single woman can be forth coming about the need for a husband as you have been! Nne, don’t worry OO? I ga-anuta ezigbo di :)

    As for those distributing husbands, they needed to use photos of only 7 out of the 1000 husbands they have on speed dial than use photos of known public figures and models. :)

    • says

      Ah, otito dili Jesu that I entertained you … especially on the first post! :D It’s very interesting about the couples that stay together longer. I guess I better start looking in my immediate circle. LOL. But I can totally see why they’ll be under more pressure to make it work. They know that if it doesn’t work, there are too many people who will be asking questions … not that these people are the ones to think of when considering breaking up or staying together.

      Amen for the ezigbo di! It musto happen! Tehehe. I don’t know why the distributor of husbands decided to use those pictures. I’m surprised that Will Smith and Barack Obama did not make it on the list.

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