The dream nightmare: Mercy Johnson was in labor. And no, I did not think about her, her husband, or her wedding before I went to bed.[If at this juncture you are confused about the identity of Mercy Johnson, her wedding, or the relevance of Mercy Johnson and/or her wedding, then you should read this post before you proceed].  She was in a room, lying on a bed, on her back. There were several women in there. I assume they were midwives or something of that sort. They were all urging her to push. She was sweating, crying, huffing and puffing. All normal routines of childbirth — except for the fact that I was in there, too, and I don’t know Mercy Johnson from Eve.

It gets even weirder. Naturally, Mercy Johnson’s labor did not go without drama. In her right hand was a machete which she was required to hold and ward off - preferably kill – evil spirits. The entire time Mercy was pushing, she was waving that machete all around. A couple of times, it came close to me, and then, I had to remind her that it was just me, not an evil spirit. No, I do not know why evil spirits were allegedly in the room, or why a machete was the chosen weapon of evil spirit destruction. They could have just shouted Jesus or Blood of Jesus like normal people.

As if that was not bad enough, the midwives decided that Mercy needed to do something else to make the push easier. She was clearly in tremendous pain and having a lot of trouble pushing. I wonder if it had anything to do with the heavy machete she had to swing above her head while pushing. So what did Mercy Johnson have to do? Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. She just had to scoot to the bottom of the bed, sit up, and then — pee!

And boy, did she pee!! Water came gushing out of Mercy Johnson like someone had turned on the power faucet and forgotten to turn it off. Stranger than that was the fact that I was standing in front of her the entire time she was peeing, and my response to her was to give her two thumbs up. It was at this time (6:30 AM) that my alarm went off.

I know what you’re thinking: what does this have to do with the Blackberry Bold 9900? Well, when I woke up from the dream, I thought to myself, what the hell kind of dream was that? Was God trying to tell me something? I think I distinctly heard God say, “Err, no. That wasn’t me.” Now, if I had the Blackberry Bold 9900 when I had this colossal damage of a dream, I would have woken up confused, then I would have looked beside me, spotted a Blackberry Bold 9900 in bedside mode,  and then, I would have smiled and said, “Well, at least I have a Blackberry Bold 9900.”

So you see why this phone is so important to me then???

P.S. I did not consume any kind of alcoholic content before I went to bed.

P.P.S. I am now accepting proofs of love in the form of a Blackberry Bold 9900.

Campaign: Help Vera Ezimora. Help Verastic. Help Blogville. Help the world wide web. Help Nigeria. Help the United States of America. Help Africa. Help North America. Help Earth. Help the world. Just help!!!! To help, buy Vera Ezimora  a Blackberry Bold 9900.

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To my non-Nigerian readers, Mercy Johnson may be a nobody to you, but if you care to know, she is a famous actress in Nigeria – one of the most popular ones – who is loved and hated by many for so many reasons. Men love her breasts. Women hate her breasts. Sometimes, I think I want her breasts. There are other factors, of course, like her acting. Somehow, the breasts manage to precede that. Consider her the — oh, never mind. I cannot think of what American actress to compare her to. Find her on YouTube and make your own conclusions. Anyway …

The reason why Princess Mercy Johnson took up so much of our time is because as of Saturday last week, she was still engaged to be married to Prince Odi. The big deal? Well, Prince Odi is allegedly married to Lovely Okojie.  Lovely says they are married. Prince Odi says they are divorced. Two different people. Two very different stories. Clearly, one of them is lying. But which one? Only Lovely and Prince Odi know the real story behind their marriage and divorce. But as it turned out, the society of Nigerian women – whoever the hell they are – were threatening to demonstrate if Mercy went ahead with the wedding this weekend.

Well, as you can see from the pictures above, Mercy haf marry. And I heard nothing of a demonstration. Correct me, if I am wrong, please. During the show on Saturday 9August 20th), I argued in favor of Merch – kind of. No, I am in no way supporting her or anyone else marrying a married man – if indeed Prince Odi is married. What I am against is the society of Nigerian women butting into her wedding. Their reason for the threatened demonstration, they said, is because Prince Odi is married, and no woman should be marrying him IN CHURCH until he is divorced. I have a few problems with their stance.

1. What does church mean? The building? The Pastor? Or the religion? Would they have felt better if she was scheduled to be married on the beach by the same Pastor? Of if she was scheduled to be married in court? And why did they not complain about the traditional wedding? A wedding is still a wedding, no?

2. There are many men who are married to more than one wife. Why did the society of Nigerian women not demonstrate against those marriages?

3. Although I do not know this for a fact, I am willing to bet all of the money in my wallet [currently one dollar] that most of these society women have cheating husbands. Why aren’t they demonstrating at home?

4. If Mercy Johnson is indeed a certified second wife, why is she the first person that these women are going after? I bet some of them are second wives, too.

My point is, I personally believe that this alleged attack on Mercy Johnson’s marriage/wedding is actually an attack on Mercy Johnson. Only the women know why they’re doing it. Maybe it’s because some of their husbands lust after Mercy Johnson. Maybe it’s because she has something they want (beauty, fame, money …. uhm, Prince Odi???). Heck. Maybe they just want her breasts.

Whatever the case might be, I smell a rat from everyone involved: from Mercy Johnson, from Prince Odi, from the society of Nigerian women, and from one Miss Vera Ezimora. Seriously, what is Vera’s own in this wedding sef? Common picture of cake sef, they did not send to me.

That said, you may listen to the random show I had on Saturday HERE.

P.S. Funmie completely disagreed with me on the Society of Nigerian Women thing. She said they’re right for threatening to demonstrate against a church wedding. I said Funmie is just playing religion. You decide.

P.P.S. Anyone else notice that Prince Odi colored his nose to match Mercy Johnson’s face in the traditional wedding picture? I’m just saying.

Picture source: Twitter (where else, right?)

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