Daddy, I Love You Die!
10 11 Things My Daddy Is Good At:
1. Being funny. No one has made me laugh like him. He has a very active imagination like me. Two of us are usually the only ones who can see the striking resemblance between a person and a thing --- like that woman who looks like a maggot. Don't ask.
2. Being silly. When we had three Ngozis in my house, my dad always made it a point to call out their name for no reason, knowing that they would all assemble at his presence. And when they get there, he'll burst out laughing. There was also that time we had a cement man in our house. He was 'plastering' the fence. Dad went and tickled his legs. Poor man almost fell off the ladder. It didn't help that a few minutes before that, we had all just discussed the increase of snakes in the area.
3. Stealing meat from the pot. My daddy is the Captain General of this. No one else can do it like him. He is second to none. Somehow, no one ever sees or hears him sneaking into the kitchen. The only proof of his mischievous act is the droplets of oil on the floor and his unusually shiny lips and chin.
4. Eating meat. My mother calls him kura. I assume that this must be some kind of meat-eating animal. My daddy will eat any meat. I have seen so many types of bush meats, some I did not even know were edible. His plate of soup usually has more meats and less soup, unlike mine which is always the opposite.
5. Being mischievous. Apart from tickling the cement man and making him almost fall off the ladder, dad is good at playing pranks. That was how he convinced Uncle Simon (dad's younger brother) that he - Uncle Simon - did not like meat. How can someone convince you that you don't like meat? This may have happened long before I was conceived, but dad hasn't changed much.
6. He's playful. He lets me paint his face. To make it even funnier, we do it on one side of his face, which makes him look strange. His employees are often too confused and/or scared to admit that their boss looks like a clown. It never gets old seeing the looks on their faces.
7. He's humble. One of the things I love and admire so much about him is his humility. He would sit, talk, and laugh with dirty mechanics, his nursing assistants, garbage disposers, and the likes. Not once have I seen or heard him belittling someone because of what he has or does not have.
8. He's generous. Daddy will give and give freely. When it comes to giving, daddy never says no. He'll give whatever we ask of him, however we ask. He may complain while giving it and say that we are chopping his money, but what is family for --- if not to chop your money?
9. He loses things. Every time mom and I travel, we have to make spare keys because there is no doubt that the keys we are handing to dad will not live happily or safely ever after. He will lose them, perhaps the same day. Usually, he'll leave them on his car and drive off. That's the story most times.
10. He sucks at cooking. Eating, he can eat. There are many other things my daddy can do, too. Cooking, however, is not one of them. Ever since the burnt stew, balled akamu (pap), and raw oatmeal incidents, I have learned not to eat anything my daddy cooks.
11. He's perpetually late. With him, there's no such thing as being there a little late. There's definitely no such thing as being there on time. Even when he's the chairman of the occasion,. we always come walking in like we own the place., Ogbuefi Nnanyelugo is always late.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy.
(And Happy Father's Day to all fathers, current and future. May you live long to leave memorable imprints on your children's lives).
Amen.
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