I’ve Been Diagnosed With Somniloquy

Sleeping While Laughing

For as long as I can remember, I have laughed in my sleep. I'm not talking about just smiling or chuckling; I'm talking about laughing out loud. I'm talking about laughing out so loud that I wake myself up, wondering where the sound is coming from. And then I realize that it is just my laughter. And whatever was making me laugh in my dream is no longer funny when I wake up. When I used to sleep in the same room with my mom, she'd jolt me awake in the middle of my sleep-laughter. Now that Continue Reading

I Like Him … But I Don’t Understand Him


I'm all for people being fit and showing it off and what not .. of course ... it's great. But there are certain people that you just don't expect to see not fully clothed, especially after they have gone through certain  phases. Like him, for example. Happy birthday to Wyclef, but a little more clothes and a little less oil would have really sufficed. It isn't that he's 43 that is making me look at this picture in amazement. And it isn't that he's scantily clad and glowing that is Continue Reading

Tonto, But Why?

Yeah. Okay.

Remember when I put up that post about Tonto cursing her fans (or foes) out on twitter because they dared to judge her songs before hearing them? Well, breaking news: they were right! And I am somewhat surprised because the way she cursed people out, I began to wonder if maybe she can actually sing. The temerity! (Spoken like a true Nigerian girl). Tonto has released two things which she's referring to as songs. Listening to these songs is not for the faint-hearted. It takes real courage. Real Continue Reading

This Is What Happens When You’re Oprah


Oprah put this picture up on Friday, and four hours later, people told her exactly how they felt about it.   While I think that the upload may have been an error, it is still imperative to point out that with no description whatsoever on this black square box, Oprah got 6011 likes and 426 comments. What are you people liking and commenting on? You ain't never seen a black square box before? If you're wondering why www.verastic.com is inscribed on the bottom of the picture, it's Continue Reading

Ladies, We Can Now Pee While Standing!


You know there are so many inventions out there. Like the sex toy that connects over wi-fi, and the Kelloggs bag that costs $750, and the virginity kit. Now, I've discovered a new one: the Shewee! So what is this Shewee that I speak of?  Well, you know as a woman, you have to squat to pee - when you are not on a toilet - while men, on the other hand, can just whip out their members and aim it where they please.  If you give them your mouth, they will aim it there, too. For centuries, women Continue Reading

Tonto Dike Is Fighting With Her Fans … But That’s Not Why I’m Vexing


Yesterday, a twitter fight broke out between Tonto Dike and her fans. Apparently, she dared to tweet about her new song. Fans (or maybe not fans) were not happy. They criticized her for being an actor who is trying to sing. I'm still stuck on her being referred to as an actor. But a singer, too? Yeah, whatever. Anyway, that is not even the point. The point for me - and consequently the reason why I'm vexing - is that I cannot understand a friggin' tweet. Is it just me? Continue Reading

Holy Cow … It Does Exist!

Presidential Office At Aso Rock

For as far back as I can remember, I have always known that the Nigerian presidential villa is called Aso Rock. Problem is, I have never known anything else about it. What does it look like? What color is it? How big is it? What street is it on? Mba. Nothing. As far as the inside is concerned, I was sure that I'd have an easier time laying an egg. At a point, I started thinking it may not even exist sef. Continue Reading

Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender.


Turns out I am one - or possibly many - of these. I am officially in the job market for a nine to five job, and it's not pretty out there! I don't know what's worse: filling out the applications or waiting for a call. This would be a good time to know someone who works in the field and can get me into that HR office right now. Anyway, so there I was filling out a form online again, and I don't even remember from which website I pulled this one out from: Indeed? Monster? Career Builder? Who Continue Reading

Me & Igwe At My Zumba Class = Epic Fail!


I've been attending Zumba classes for about a month now while Igwe has been a gym rat. I hate the gym; I've tried twice, and I realize now that it's just not my thing. Igwe has been making fun of my Zumba classes, saying "It's just dancing," so I challenged him to come with me to just one class.   As fate  would have it,  yesterday was Labor Day, so he didn't have to work. My Zumba instructor scheduled Zumba Masterclass (two hours) instead of regular Zumba (one hour). Class Continue Reading