It’s in how he saves number. Let me show you.

Player vs Non Player

As you can see, the player saves his numbers with the location where he met them. And sometimes, he can include other defining qualities like the size of her yansh or the color of her skin. After all, he wouldn’t want to confuse dark skinned Funke with light skinned Funke or big yansh Joy with small yansh Joy. That would be disastrous.

So ladies, please pay attention to your men. Watch out for how they save women’s numbers. If you see Yinka Work, then you probably want to ask him what’s up with that. I mean, where the hell does he get off meeting some Yinka at work AND then saving her number like that? Something is definitely up with that.

Now, remember …

In other words, do what you want with this post. I am not responsible.

The post How To Know He’s A Player – Part 2 appeared first on Verastic.

Rihanna put this picture up yesterday on Instagram. I follow her, so I saw it. But I didn’t quite understand it. I thought it was one of those funny pictures people make and everyone reposts it. But I started reading some of the comments (there were only about 12,000 at this point), and I saw that some people were in favor of her putting the picture up while others felt it was a tad bit immature.

Apparently, the story here is that the girl had been leaving several mean comments on Rihanna’s Instangram, and recently she insulted Rihanna’s family, something about weed and what not. So Rihanna responded with this picture. Considering Rihanna’s over 7 million Instagram followers – of which I am unashamedly one – you can imagine how many people saw this picture and hunted the girl down on social media to give her a piece of their mind.

The argument now is, was that cyber bullying? I say hell no, it wasn’t. It was simply a cause-and-effect case, a reaction that came from an action. I know we sometimes forget that celebrities are just like us, but forgetting doesn’t make it any less true. You can’t go around commenting on someone’s Instagram, insulting their family and not expecting any repercussion.

I really do think that it’s unfair for people to expect celebrities to turn the other cheek every time. Rihanna is a human being with human feelings, so she should not be expected to act like an angel . Like they say, if you cannot handle the heat, don’t enter the kitchen.

I like what Rihanna did. Maybe she can use this girl as an example to others, so they know not to come for her.

P.S. The girl has locked up all her social media accounts. I wonder why.

The post WARNING: Do NOT Come For Rihanna appeared first on Verastic.

Am I too sexy??

A resounding yes. What else could it be?

The post Am I Too Sexy? appeared first on Verastic.

The irony of this write-up is that while I was trying to highlight the flaws in our ways of thinking, some of the comments I received just further proved my point. But out of all the comments I received, I think my favorite one was from Sola. First of all, he called me “the so call Vera,” and I laughed my head off when I read that. Then, he went ahead to tell me that he wants a well-trained Igbo girl, one “who does not believe in all these rubbish post by Vera.” 

Sola’s comment about wanting a well-trained Igbo girl

Specifics:

1.  Good, well-trained Igbo girl

2.  Age 21 to 22

3.  She must be looking for a serious and godly relationship

4.  And she must not believe in all these rubbish post by Vera

My people, please help me find this girl! Talk to your friends. Talk to your neighbors. Talk to your pastor. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Spread the word on your social media outlets. I know she’s out there, and because I am so gracious, I am going all out to find this Igbo girl for my reader, Sola.

At first read, I was honestly going to call Sola with the number he left in his comment. And I was going to ask him if he had any more specifics. Like, which State does he prefer she come from? How tall does he want her to be? What major does he want her to have in college, if any? Does he want her name to be Chichi or Amaka? These are all important questions! But I somehow lost my desire to call.

I replied his comment and told him that I would post his comment here. He came back and said that I should. Then he came back and said that I shouldn’t. Then he came back and said that I should. Doesn’t really matter. It’s my blog, and I’ll blog like I want to.

Don’t just read this post and go. Leave a comment and tell us where to find an Igbo girl to meet Sola’s specifications. And then, share this post on your social network so that everyone can help Sola to find the kind of Igbo girl he’s looking for. Alternatively, if you are the kind of Igbo girl he’s looking for, then please let us know

The post Attention! He Needs A Well-Trained Igbo Girl appeared first on Verastic.

I went to the gym, and then, I stopped at Royal Farms on my way back to get some gas. I noticed a green Camry in the pump behind mine, and I noticed it because it looked just like Funmie’s car, but I quickly dismissed the thought because I knew Funmie was at work at that time.

So I started pumping my gas when I heard the person behind me saying, “Excuse me, excuse me …” So I turned around and we had the strangest conversation, if I will call it that. He was a black guy. He was done pumping his gas and was now seated in his car, ready to drive off.

Him: You’re not a lesbian, are you?

Me: Huh? [I heard  him the first time, but the question caught me off guard. Plus, I thought for a second that he might be a reader who read my post about wanting to be hit on by a lesbian and he was just trying to mess with me].

Him: I said, you’re not a lesbian, are you?

Me: *Puzzled* No!

Him: Oh, okay. Well, I’m Gregg. Can I call you sometime?

Me: No, you cannot call me sometime.

So I faced my pump and continued pumping like we didn’t just have an awkward conversation, but I couldn’t take it, so I turned back and started the conversation again.

Me: But what the hell kind of pick up line was that?

Him: You have sweats on, so I thought you might be a lesbian.

Me: So a woman having sweats on means she’s a lesbian?

Him: I don’t know. I thought it might be your thing.

Me: [I stared at him for about two seconds, not believing that a person could be that stupid. So I told him exactly how I felt.] You’re stupid.

He shrugged and drove off. And I burst out laughing, remembering my post about wanting to be asked out by a lesbian. Then I made a mental note to explain to the Universe what I really meant in my post. You see, Universe, clearly you misunderstood me. What I said was that I wanted to know what it feels like to be hit on by a lesbian. This is completely different from having a man ask me if I am a lesbian. Do you get where I’m getting with this?

About the alleged sweats I had on, I did not even have sweats on — which is part of why I thought he was stupid. What I had on was something like the picture on here, which clearly look like regular gym clothes, not sweats. That aside, since when did sweats even start meaning that the woman is a lesbian??

It’s not that being asked if I’m a lesbian is so offensive to me, but it’s just the reason for why he thought I was a lesbian: I had sweats on AND he wanted my number. I don’t know which one of the reasons was more stupid. And yet I know that somewhere in  this world, some girl has been picked up with this are-you-a-lesbian line.

Tsk, Tsk.

The post So This Guy Asked If I’m A Lesbian appeared first on Verastic.

Face Up: This is the way everyone leaves their phone because naturally, we do not want to scratch the screen. Makes sense, right? I just took a quick glance at my phone which is where it usually is – sitting pretty next to me – and it’s face is up.

Face Down: This means one thing and one thing alone: he’s trying to hide whatever may come in. It could be a call (he doesn’t want you to see the name of the person calling), or a text, or a picture, etc. You get the idea. And this, too, makes sense, no? Because I mean, why would anyone put their phone face down?

So what I am saying is, shine your eyes!! Pay attention. If he is putting his phone face down, then it means he definitely has something to hide. And if he has something to hide, then you need to run, not walk. But before you do so, read the second part of this post — right under the line.

__________________________________________________________________

Be that as it may (mom loves saying this), I do put my phone down religiously every night before going to bed. First, I put it on complete silence because I don’t want it to ring or vibrate. Then I put it face down because I don’t want the light to brighten the dark room when (if) it rings. Igwe also puts his phone down. I don’t know if this is an iPhone thing or if Igwe just doesn’t know how to set it, but his phone can only be on either ring or vibrate (unlike mine that goes on complete silence). And it always has this bright flashing light at the back when it rings or vibrates or even receives anything like text, alerts, etc.

So when it’s night time, he puts his phone on vibrate. Then he has to put it on the carpet (because I don’t want to hear the vibration), and then he has to put a pillow on it to kill the little vibration that may come through and to also kill the light. Even that aside, sometimes Igwe puts his phone face down (and it’s not at night), just like he puts his watch face down, too. And it drives me nuts. I feel like he’s ruining the face of the watch and the screen of the phone. He also puts his sunglasses face down sometimes, and I just cannot understand it.

What I am trying to say basically is that if you break up with an otherwise perfect gentleman for putting his phone face down because Vera said she read somewhere (she cannot even remember) that it’s a sign he’s a player, then all I have to say to you is …

The post How To Know He’s A Player appeared first on Verastic.

For kitties all over the world, the fear of lesbians is the beginning of wisdom

My coolness and general awesomeness apparently makes me a candidate for both men and women. I remember men hitting on me, but I don’t remember any woman ever hitting on me. Somewhere in my mind, I’m thinking that a woman might have hit on me and I might have blogged about it, but I do not recall at all. It may have happened only in my head.

Therefore, I’m feeling a little neglected. I know that there are lesbians all over the damn place, so why are they not chasing me down the road? What do other lesbians have that I don’t have – except a desire to be with women? See, it’s not that I am even remotely interested in being with a woman, but it’s just that I want the privilege to say no.

Plus, I’m really, really curious about how women toast fellow women. And I’m curious about what my reaction would be. You know how when a hot man winks at you, you blush a little bit? Well, would I have the same reaction for a woman? What would the woman look like? Would she be a total hottie with big boobs and a round ass? Or would she look more like The Rock in a dress? *shrieks at the thought of The Rock in a dress*

In other news, cats all over the world are freaking out because they just heard about what lesbians eat. Relax, kitties, I assure you, you are not the pussy they want. Pun intended.

So, ladies … has a woman ever hit on you? If yes, may I have her number, please?

P.S. I stumbled on this display picture because I made the mistake of typing lesbian in Google Images. Don’t. Do. It.

The post Ladies, Has A Lesbian Ever Hit On You? appeared first on Verastic.

Poor man was clearly frantic

Now, y’ll know not to prank a Nigerian man (especially a real Naija man) with something as delicate as his TV being stolen. His son set him up and recorded the entire thing. My favorite part is the end where he says, “You know I can fall down and die right now.” And the part where he breaks into Yoruba. Haaaa! That’s how you know he has provoked final.

Watch and laugh (and then repeat on your own parents).

P.S. Share this post below, please. It’s just too damn funny.

The post Hilarious! Nigerian Man Gets Pranked By His Son appeared first on Verastic.

The front view

Back view

I have so many questions:

1.  Have boxers and briefs now become too difficult to put on?

2.  I know that women wear thongs to avoid panty lines. What is the reason why a man would wear this underwear?

3.  Why is it mono strapped?

4.  What kind of men buy this underwear?

5.  Why is his body so smooth and hairless?

6.  What does this mono strap thong provide that the regular ones don’t provide (except the discomfort)?

7.  Do straight men wear this?

8.  Does this thing stay on? And for how long?

9.  Does it fall off by itself

10.  Are there women who would want their men to buy this underwear?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but no, no, NO to my man wearing this. It’s so confusing and distracting, and not in a good way. But if you’re interested in this underwear, you can order it for yourself (or your man)  for the small fee of €22 (about $28 or  N4,200). Order it HERE.

So, I really want to know if any of my gentlemen readers would wear this thong?

P.S. Seriously, this man’s yansh is too smooth. Ah, ah!

The post Gentlemen, Would You Wear This Underwear? appeared first on Verastic.

Random Pakistani guy who does not look like my mechanic, but who looks good on my blog

I have been going to this Pakistani mechanic for some years now. The actual mechanic who does my car is an older man, and he’s the one who owns the garage shop. His nephew who also works there with him has the hots for me, and it’s the funniest, strangest kind of hots. Every time I come, he stares at me. And stares at me. And stares at me. And the entire time he’s staring, he has the biggest smile on his face.

He always asks how I’m doing, tells me over and over that he works so hard that he doesn’t have time to meet girls, tells me I’m so beautiful, tells me he’s lonely, tells me he likes this and that on me, asks me if my boyfriend likes this and that on me, compliments everything he can think of complimenting, including my very old car, talks about loving my hair, asks me how work is going, says he wants a wife … and so much more.

I have never, ever met anyone who stares at me and smiles at me so much. It’s somewhere between amusing and uncomfortable, but mostly amusing. And the owner (my real mechanic) and his wife, they are either really oblivious to what their nephew is doing or they are really good at pretending. I tend to think the latter.

Even if he is in the inside room when I come, he will run out – sometimes shirtless and struggling to get into his blue shirt – when he hears my voice. And no, he is not sporting a six pack; it’s definitely a beer gut. Whatever the state of the belly, he comes out running, smiling broadly, and sometimes sweating. I want to mention his name, but I realize that this is an open blog, and there are literally thousands of people reading, most of whom I don’t know, so I won’t mention his name. For all I know, someone reading this blog right now might be going to the same mechanic.

Once, he offered me a mango. Looking at his mechanic fingers – oily, dirt and grime under his nails – there was no way I could take that mango from him. Plus, just because I am not Pakistani does not mean I trust them to not use juju on me. Next thing, I’ll eat the mango and start having sex dreams about him. *shudders*

Anyway, he tells me a lot about being lonely and not having a woman. I smile every time. Hey, he’s not the only one who knows how to smile. What he doesn’t know is that I know he has a wife AND three kids. His aunt mentioned it to me. But she talks a lot, so I think she just mentioned it without thinking of its implication. Or maybe it isn’t supposed to even matter that he’s married. Now that I think of it, maybe he does know that I know, but it just doesn’t matter.

The moral of the story is: he does little jobs on my car for free. And he smiles while doing it. And his oga at the top does not know.

P.S. I don’t know who that guy in the picture is, and I cannot confirm that he is indeed Pakistani. But when I Google’d random Pakistani guy, he was one of the ones who came up. We’d have to ask Google for their source.

Should his antidote mount a stumbling soup?

The post My Pakistani Mechanic Has The Hots For Me appeared first on Verastic.