He Said He Wants To Marry Me

Chiwetel Ejiofor: He's not the one who wants to marry me, but I need a picture to associate with this post ... plus a girl can dream, no?

I was speaking to my mommy yesterday and she told me that an interesting thing happened. I asked her what it was and she told me that a man from Umunze (I think it's in Anambra) came to speak to her. He told her that his very good friend wants to marry me. I didn't hear what my mom said, or maybe I didn't want to believe that I heard what she said, so I kept asking, "He wants to marry who?" I asked her this question four times until  mom was practically screaming, "You!" She repeated, "He wants Continue Reading

Do They Look Alike … Or Am I Tripping?


The other day I was watching television and this Black guy was on it talking about the Ravens game. I did not hear a word he said. As soon as I saw his face, all I thought about was the chocolate M&Ms. She's female, but she's still brown and bald ... and she wears glasses, too. Could they be related? I need to contact M&M's to tell them that I found the brown M&M's brother. Maybe now Geico will insure her? I watch a lot of commercials (and enjoy them). Can you tell? P.S. I Continue Reading

A Sweet Potato Sent Me Pictures Of His Penis

Image source: Huffington Post

Walahi, I cannot make this up. Remember the other day when I blogged about penis length and girth (according to an article on Huffington Post Women)? My last paragraph of the post: To be clear on the point of this post: I don’t know what a penis with a 7 inch girth looks like, and I would appreciate some pictures from our male Sweet Potatoes. For educational purposes only. Of course. I cannot count how many times I have called for pictures like this in a post. Most times, I have not gone ahead Continue Reading

So, According To Jay, I’m Ruining His Relationship

Face Up or Face Down Phone

Remember the post I put up about how to spot a player? It's the post about how a player puts his phone face-down (instead of face-up) like most people. I put it up in April of last year. Dang. I can't believe it's been almost a year since that post. I remember it like it was just a couple of months ago. Anyway, I received a new comment on it yesterday, which was just entertaining. The comment came from Jay, and according to him, my post is ruining his relationship. Here's his Continue Reading

Being Nigerian: The Burial Fund Edition


About 50% of my job entails meeting people and asking them some very personal questions, as required by the State of Maryland. When I first started at this job, I shadowed people more experienced and learned the trick of the trade. Then there was that first day that I had to run the meeting myself, and I went with my Supervisor. It was a few hours before the meeting that she told me I would be the one running it. All good. The meeting was going fine until I had to ask the person, "Do you have Continue Reading

Does Your Man Know He’s Lucky?

Chiwetel, a Nigerian (kind of) who is not the person I'm blogging about today, but who looks good on my blog

Really? This is one line men still use, and I still don't understand why.  Do men say this because they think it works? Or do men say this because it actually works? Dear men, please respond. I met a Nigerian guy at my job. Let's call him Femi. I'm really hoping that Femi isn't his real name because I cannot remember now what he said his name is, but I know it was a common Yoruba name like Femi. Anyway, he had come to the office like 3 times, and every single time he came, he said not more Continue Reading

Women With Big Butts Are Smarter, Study Shows

Image via Annapolis Mic

I have always known that my booty will bring me something good one day (Igwe included). I don't have those very visible and daring curves that men like, but I do have a working booty. And thighs for days. They just won't go away - not that I really want them to. But I have just read the best news ever: women with big butts are smarter. Rejoice, girls! If you are a girl who does not have a big booty (sorry Funmie), then just join the rest of us to rejoice. According to a scientific study (I Continue Reading

Do You Poop At Work?

Image via Amazon

No, seriously, this is a serious question. I'm very weird with my poop: I don't like leaving it in other people's houses. The only place I feel truly comfortable pooping is in my house. Beside the fact that I don't like using public restrooms, there's also the issue of poop being stinky --- although, of course, my poop doesn't stink *straight face* I refuse to poop at work. I can't. I won't. I actually try to poop at night or in the morning because I don't want to do it at work. There is this Continue Reading

Emmanuel Has My Number, And I Don’t Know Who He Is

Emmanuel 2

I'm not crazy about Whats App, and it's for the singular reason that anyone who has my number can send me messages. I'm not much of a chat person (which is why Facebook chat is permanently off); I'm more available on e-mail. Chat means that I have to respond right now and possibly have an entire conversation, but I'm not always in the mood. And the truth is that sometimes, people you don't know or care to chat with will send you messages. So there I was yesterday minding my business when a Continue Reading