Yesterday, I took my dear grandma to several stores to do some shopping. We started our journey before 3pm, at which time I had neither had breakfast nor lunch – big mistake. We went from store to store to store, looking for everything and getting almost nothing. I don’t wanna say I hate shopping, but I hate shopping. I’m not someone who wants to spend an entire day in the mall going from store to store. If money weren’t a hindrance, and I knew I could walk into any store and pick up as much as I wanted, then maybe I’d feel differently about shopping, but for now, I just wanna go and pick up the one (or few items) I came for.
But Grandma will not hear of it! Na so so waka waka we dey do up and down White Marsh Mall. And then all those little kiosk people that stay in the middle of the aisle of the mall always wanna sell you everything with a smile. One man wanted to convince me to buy windows to remodel my home. I don’t even own a home. Abeg, waka jo! I think it’s because I was smiling with them. After a while, I started boning. The hunger was getting to me too much. I was hungry, tired, sleepy, and cranky. My Grandma was busy asking if I was boning because I did not have my ‘ula ndi ocha’ (oyibo people’s sleep). Just because I have refused to wake up @ 6 AM with the chickens like my Grandma, it means I am sleeping like oyibo people. So be it then.
Even though I was cranky, na so so laugh this woman dey make me laugh. Why did she want to enter Forever 21 to shop for herself? Me sef wey be grand-daughter, I have forgotten what it’s like to be 21. Grandma, if na joke, stop am o! And then I went into Bath & Body Works to get some foot soak. I was talking to the store attendant while my grandma was looking around. By the time I was done shopping, my grandma had found something she wanted: one of those long brushes, the ones you use to scrub your back. It’s not a sponge; it’s an actual brush. Anyway, guess what this woman wanted to use it for? To scrub the sink! LOL. I couldn’t control myself.
Anyway, you know there r no carts in the mall, so everything you buy, you have to carry around from store to store. My shoulders were aching. My back was aching. My neck was aching. I suffer no be small oh. Every time I had a chance, I dropped the shopping bags on the floor and held on to my ertra large purse/handbag. But then, I still felt heavy. It was then that it dawned on me that my bag was wayyyy too heavy. When I came home, I decided to investigate the issue of the rather heavy bag and see what it was that was making it so heavy. Let’s examine, shall we?1. My daily planner
2. MP3 charger. Have never needed it outside my house since I started carrying it.
3. Big black bottle of pepper spray. Have never needed this either. Besides, the attacker for don wound be finish b4 I bring am out abi? See as the thing big reach.
4. Make-up Bag. Totally useless. I have an idential one in my glove compartment, and I don’t wear make-up everyday. I’ve only needed that one once.
5. Cell phone earpiece. Don’t use it.
6. Little brown bag for coins
7. Yellow Wallet.
8. MP3 player, earpiece, and their own personal pink pouch. Don’t use my mp3 player either. And I have a little one in the car too.
9. Bottle of lotion
10. Bottle of Scope mouth wash
11. Little silver bottle of Victoria’s Secret Perfume
12. White packet of flossers.
13. USB
14. Spare key for my car
15. Extra memory card (just in case I forget my regular memory card in my laptop and carry an empty camera out. Experience has taught me a lesson!)
16. Advil pain reliever. I’ve barely needed this. Most times, other people need it
17 Pink Lip Gloss. Don’t even use it anymore.
18. Nail Cutter: Sometimes I need to cut my nails urgently, and I don’t like using people’s nail cutter(s)
19. Purple/Lilac spiral index card book. Dunno why I have this.
20. Extra Pens.
21. Hair Bands. Just in case the one on my hair gets lost or breaks/cuts. Don’t like my hair touching my neck. Have to have it held up.
22. Little Black & white book: Have no idea what it’s for.
23. Bluetooth earpiece
24. Another lip gloss
25. Mac Lip Conditioner (the best!!!)
26. Clear nail Polish
27. Little Note Book. To take notes/ideas down for articles et al when I’m not home or by my compura.
So abeg, make una helep me. What should I get rid of? Don’t think of telling me to get rid of the flossers or the mouth wash coz it ain’t happening!
Current Facebook Status (updated Sunday): Vera had a very long day and would appreciate a massage right about now. *whispering*…call me!
am i first? doing my dance…yay!lemme go read!
2nd!! ha
em, lets see…little black nd white book, make up bag, bag for coins, pink lip gloss, index card book.
being dt u have a car, just leave most of those things in ur car except ur car spare keys so wen u need these things, u cld just go get them in the car…
and oh yeah, always keep that pepper spray in ur bag…u never know!
you have said it urself, just get rid of the one that u wrote “have never needed this”
plus i dont see why u’re carrying 3 notebooks (yes,im counting the day planner as one too)
I hate shopping too and the pple I am least likely to shop with are my sister and mother cos they take forever in the stores.
U shld get rid of the makeup bag, the MP3 player and everything else that u said u never use or have another one of it in ur car. U shld also try to empty ur coin purse every once in a while cos coins tend to be heavy.
na wah o.get rid everytn n start wt only tns u nd.
drop everything u dont use…
I soooo want a bottle of pepper spray too but its illegal here…Na me go go jail not the attacker!!!
LOLLLLLL…it runs in your family VERA. Your grandma is HI-larious…can’t believe she wanted to use that to scrub the sink…LOLLLL…
Just…Toluwa: Yeah, I'll never leave my spare key in the car. lol. That'll be funny. I'll give my bag a make over. And yes darling, you're first.
Bumight: How dare you call my daily planner a notebook? lol. Take it back! That being said, I will consider what you have suggested.
Iwalewa: lol @ shopping with ur mom & sister. I totally understand, babe. It's so tiring. How do people do it? I'm definitely considering taking out the mp3 player and the make-up bake-up bag. DEFINITELY!!! Go second!!
Miz-Cynic: That's not such a bad idea, you know. I don tire.
Afrobabe: Pepper spray is illegal there??? Really? Dang! I had no idea. Sorry oh. I would also wanna own a taser lol, but it's illegal here. Only the cops can have one…uncfortunately.
Jaycee: Yes oh. My dear, she really wanted to use it to wash the sink. Fine sponge like dis ooo… kai!
ur grandma is a hoot. As for u and all that load u carry around, just kuku buy travelling bag (ghana must go will suit u just fine). U carry all that load finish, hand dey pain u, u come dey complain.
Vera..u still dey ask us question abi…remove ALL the things u dont use..which appears to be almost everything..lol..keep the pepper spray though ..u never know.
ur Grandma is hilarious
vera. looks like you stole this idea of “what’s in my bag” from adaure’s blog. i still like your blog though but keep it original ok.
XOXO
Vera, i wan do power ranger for u, have my check ready when i’m done.
@Anonymous: Who died and made u the God of originality? Where did they write that a topic or theme becomes the sole property of the first person YOU SAW wrote about it. After all, how do u know for sure Adaure was the first person to do this type of post. Abi, u dey police the whole blogs for internet cos u have obviously appointed urself blog police.
Stop being a polite bitch. It’s not cute.
XOXO
@vera, mail my check!
this is your dad’s mum right? she sounds like you guys :-p
ok ur bag. get rid of ur charger, make-up bag, pink lip gloss, spiral card book and the little black and white book. for starters.
Okay Ms Anonymous XOXO,
That was so not original on ur part too becos there’s nothing wrong with what was written and if u just read and enjoyed the blog and not trying to criticize, u woulda read she said” whats in this bag sef not whats in adaure’s bag or Anon XOXO’s bag”………….
AHS
Hmm. Omo u brave oh. I would never take my mother, talkless of my grandmother shopping. I took my aunt once and i am still recovering from the shock of it all. btw, travel light oh. Except for pepper spray, all that stuff na gra-gra.
Verastic Vera….. y ain’t you talking about ur WHISPERING CALLER on this blog???????
ok y’ll, una know say me i get all the inside gist that consigns VEra, so yes we had a whispering caller… but we cannot talk about it/h** and i am pissed as heck.
anyways, anon XOXO…. i see say dem don deal with you, so i’ll let u slide this time…..
ibtwn Vera u are a freaking liar, dat ain’t all the crap in ur bag, why are u hiding the rest, like the pack of tissue, mints and co..
Vera oh!!!
Only u go write a post about your purse. Your grandma is hilarious, and she seems like so much fun. So like do u have any brothers hehehe. I think say u should throw away the things you have not used in a month except the keys and pepper spray. P.S. I have a tasser (pink) and 2 cans of pepper spray, I am even thinking of getting a gun sef. I dont play o my sister, prevention is better than cure. Hehehe.
@ Anonymous – watch out negro, I go whoop una ass o. Ok then!!! Like I have been gone for only a day and this silly anon people go give people bad digestion. (hiss).
vera u left out the fact that, thats simply the contents of just one purse. i know funmie know u have like 3 everyday purses.
Ah, like you, I have mase that I am yet to use and to find the thing, na wahala!!!
Hope all is well.
Sting: lol. You’re not serious. Ghana-must-go ko Nigeria-must-come ni. I have changed and become a new leaf. No more junk in my purse.
Aloted: Yes, my grandma is definitely hilarious. I’ll definitely keep the pepper spray. I looked thru my purse today, but I couldn’t decide what to take out, so I carried everything again. lol. But I’m gonna be taking out the make-up bag tomorrow…DEFINITELY
Anonymous: I dunno what I was thinking oh…having the ordercity to suffer from neck pain @ the same time that Adaure had a ‘what’s in my purse’ post. Sometimes, I just don’t understand myself…lol. I’m sorry, I certainly didn’t mean to plagiarize.
Geisha Song: Thank God you switched back to your regular avater. I love this one better. It’s more you! And actually, she’s my mom’s mom. Don’t worry, you’ll get to know my mother later. I’m certainly considering getting rid of all those things you mentioned, but I do like the spiral note book. It’s pweety! lol
Anonymous Hand Shaker: LOL. You’re fighting for me too? Kai. The check wey I go write don plenty oh. lol. Thanks, love. My dear, it’s all good. Every now and then, ‘things happen.’ I’m hoping Anonymous XOXO didn’t mean to come across the wrong way, but it just wasn’t necessary. For one, I don’t remember the last time I went to Adaure’s blog, but I’m pretty sure that some other blogger somewhere has blogged about the contents of her purse.
Rosie: You don’t have to tell me twice oh. Na so so neck pain I don dey suffer on top rubbish. I musto give my bag an extreme (okay, maybe not extreme) make-over.
Funmie: Don’t annoy me o!! Which mints??? The one you stole and ate in an entire day till your tummy started hurting? That’s all what I have for now oh, honestly. I don’t have the packet tissue right now. Been meaning to get some.
Temite: You have a taser????? How? I thought it’s illegal to have one. Me, I want one oh. Sometimes, I just want to use it on Funmi. lol. Seriously, how can I get one…or two?? lol.
Sting: Lol. Hahahahaha. Oh, my goodness!!! Babe, I read your first paragraph, and I was wondering what check you wanted and for what reason sef. Now, I see why! In fact, email me your address. I shall send that check ASAP. My dear, the thing sur[rise me oh. I should have perhaps used APA format to cite the sources of the neck pain I suffered in the mall. lol. I already typed a reply to the person b4 I read yours, but I won’t change my reply now. If I had a brother, I would date him sef. lol. Hahaha. Eww. lol @ your comment to Anon XOXO. Thanks darling. *kisses* Wait, did u say you want a gun? Ah, ah! lol. Babe, you no dey play o! Abi you wan do neighborhood watch for third mainland bridge?
are u bringing ur green self to the nigerian day parade in NY on saturday(u dont need to wear green u r green enough) or r u going to slack like u always do? i’ll make sure TAB doesnt see u. cos if he does be sure i’ll record the encounter and put it on my blog.
with all the YANGA wey u dey do for poor TAB thats cracy about u and wants u ppl to know eash other.
Anonymous: LOL. 3 everyday purses?? Hahaha. Who r u? Reveal yourself, please.
SolomonSydelle: My dear, the thing is crazy oh. Really, what’s the point of carrying it around, but now that Temite has told me that she has a taser, I am inspired! I need to get me a taser too! I’ll practice it on Funmie. lol.
Chief: For where? I no dey come oh. I didn’t even know it was this weekend sef. Kai, I for wan come oh. You sef, don’t you know you’re supposed to tell me these things on time? You dey slack o. As for TAB…whatever!!
LMAO Vera!! Funny about wanting to practice your tasering skills on Funmie… I know a couple of other ppl who you could practice on..
LMAO!!!!
i don taya to dey talk say u no ok…but ahnahn!!! mouthwash inna the bag???
cant believe I jus tried to call u…eeekkkk!!!
Vera I take almighty God beg you…comot this ur contact info from the comments side abeg!
Anonymous: Please list the names of the people I can practice my tasering skills on. I’ll be happy to begin @ once. lol.
Chari: I will never, ever remove my number from there. So you called me ehn? Awww, you’re a darling!! *wink, wink* I got your text by the way. I’m expecting my massage oh.
Yeah, they say its illegal, I tried t buy it off ebay but my friend said not on his computer…they trace it back…fear catch me lol
I always wonder what women carry in their bags.Thanx for the insight.
Things to get rid of are (from a man's perspective):
1. Daily planner (you could use ur phone when on the move)
2. MP3 charger
3. Make up bag
4.cell phone earpiece
5.Everything mp3
6. spare keys for ur cars (that should be at home)
7. Books (index card & little white nook)
8. lip gloss
Hey girl, you’ve been given an award! Check my blog for details 😉
Wit the plenty tings wey boku dia,
e be lie say dis your bag fit hide human being.
Efrytime I waka hia I no dey fit lef comment sef. Na so your craziness dey silence me with lafta.
Ehen come, which kain regular visit you dey do for Naapali side since last week? I jus come won you o. Make u go Aloofar side. Leave Naaps alone o;-)
Afrobabe: Dang!! lol. People carry it all around here and on their key chains too. Eyaa, sorry oh. Hey, you should move to Yankee, so we can use it on each other legally. We’ll see who can take it the longest. lol.
Mr. C: I have two spare keys @ home too. I just like carrying that one aroound…just in case. Okay, Mr C, all mp3 related stuff goes.
Favored Girl: I’ve been given an award? Again???? Oh, boy!!! Thanks, love.
Naijalines: R u threatening me? In fact, just for that statement alone sef, I musto continue to frequent Naapali’s page. How dare you? lol. You no know me oh.
LOL! Oya let the battle begin!
now all those things will just be what will be in my purse, which will be in my bag which normally contains everything but the kitchen sink.
i absolutely love shopping, a purely orgasmic expierence without worrying about stds
Absolutely hilarious. Your shopping spree!
And um, you carrying all that around. You should have back problems!
Naijalines: You asked for this battle oh. Don’t forget you asked 4 this.
Miss Definitely Maybe: You’re one of those, huh? A bag with everything you do NOT need, and you love shopping??? Heck no!! I mean, I absolutely love receiving stuff, but the strength of walking round the mall is just discouraging
Darius: I am starting to sense some back problems, which is why I am ready to take radical steps.
See comment on Naapali’s blog. And leave me o or my son will deal wit u. I don talk my own o, lol!
Vera you are crazy, with that your green eye sef! Let me/my son catch you u. Ok you fit come Naapali’s blog but be nice. Today na im papa birthday. Stop hijacking his blog with your wahala;-)
Naijalines: Thank you for your comment *rolling eyes* Please refer back to our battle ground (Naapali’s blog) for my comment. lol.
oya Vera no vex, no boycott, no girlcott, abeg o!
I fail to see the problem.
Surely the solution is obvious.
Get rid of the Bag!
Years ago men had the same problem.
We suffered from the enslavement to the bag.
We carried bags everywhere.
Work. The Farm. War.
And then one day someone discovered an amazing substitute.
Within a year almost every man had gotten rid of their bag.
People like Santa who had no choice in the matter could only look on in envy.
We basked in the delight of our new invention.
We came to call them Pockets.
Naapali: This apology sounds so half-hearted. I’ll return half-heartedly too.
Carlang: Hahahahahaha. I read your comment, waiting for this special substitute. Thinking, wondering, what could it be? Come to find out it’s something so simple: pockets. LOL. Hahahahahaha. You’re hilarious!
Wait, did you say I should get rid of the bag? lol. No ooo! Not enough pockets to fit everything I need…mouthwash, wallet, flossers, pens, daily planner…. oh boy. Not enough pockets, Carlang.
LMHO!
Ur grandma sef. Forever 21, u said? If this is ur Mom’s Mom, i can only try 2 imagine what ur Dad’s Mom was like! lol.
Ok, seems u’ve gotten enuf advise of stuff to get rid of. So, let me hold my peace. But, have u ever notice how ’empty’ ur bag seems if u take off some stuff? We all want to carry big bags these days, so we just have to make up stuff to put there so it won’t seem so flaccid. Shebi?
Its so true we need to check whats in our bag, thing is, I dont want to take any out, you just never know when you may need it, since I can ben absent minded sometimes.. don’t really prepare for things, but always glad my back up plan of carrying everything seems to always come through..lol.. but since its hurting you shoulder.. nne you are more organised than I am, take only one off..lol.. that will help..lol..
dont worri ursef, remove these:
1. My daily planner
2. Make-up Bag.
3. Cell phone earpiece.
4. Bottle of lotion
5. Bottle of Scope mouth wash
6. Little silver bottle of Victoria’s Secret Perfume
7. White packet of flossers.
8. Spare key for my car
9. Extra memory card
10. Nail Cutter
Get a bigger make up bag and put all the little stuff in it, it’ll totally help.
Vivacious n Chic: Yes oh, my dear. Me, I don’t like all these tiny bags. I need a big bag that I can throw things into any time, but I don’t want it to be too heavy, of course. Women don suffer.
Life of a Stranger: One step @ a time, right? I will start with the make-up bag and the mp3 player. I know I definitely don’t need those.
Yewande: You want me to carry an empty bag ehn? I need the daily planner, the flossers, the mouth wash, the memory card (that hardly has any weight anyway). Hmmmm…….
Abbie: But I’ll still be carrying it around. Hmm. One thing is for sure: all mp3 related stuff gotta go!
ha babes u try o!! wonder wat u’d do without a bag!!
vera simply get two bags that way they wont be heavy since ur junk would be spread out in both bags. but the flip side to that is bumight, funmie, afrobabe, temite, jusToluwa, calabar girl, starnger, carlang, naapali et all would have front row seats at laughing at u walking around with twice bags like a u know wat. i might even take a picture and blog about it.
Mz Dee: My dear, I wonder too oh. lol.
ChiefO: So basically, your suggestions are just for your own good…so that you can blog about me abi? Your head no correct.
…from your list, start wiv gettin rid of those things that ended with, 'i have never needed', 'totally useless', 'dont use it', 'barely need', 'dont use', 'no need'.etc…& lets see…btw, how old is your granny? a like iru mu ya…
LMAO @ ur granny! So cute…dang, i miss mine.. 🙁
ok, u’v been told what to do away with..have u made any changes now??
Baroque: LOL. Grandma is 72. But not to worry, she’s hotter than a hot potato. Wanna be hooked up??? *wink, wink* I’m already getting rid of stuff…small small
Buttercup: I am proud to announce that I have gotten rid of the make-up bag. Tomorrow, I will be getting rid of the mp3 player.
u have lost control!!!
Overwhelmed: I love you, darling. I just love you. I’m glad you’re back 2 blogging. What would I have done without u, ehn? *kisses*