Wedgie everywhere….!!! All in favor of comfortable underwear, say “Aye!!”
When it comes to underwears, I usually have only two major criterias: comfortable & colorful. I need it comfortable because my butt cheeks are worth it, darn it!. They deserve to be clothed and adorned in only the most comforable piece of attire, something fit for royalty…in a Hanes package, of course. It has to be colorful because, well, even though my butt cheeks do not have seven colors of the rainbow making their debut on them, they (my butt cheeks) still have the right to feel the rainbow.
I occasionally wear T-strings. Not thongs o! T-strings r the very thin ones. Thongs r too thick, and for me, that is just too much material to be getting stuck between my butt cheeks. The T-strings r much more comfortable. You hardly feel them. But then, that’s just me. That being said, I don’t wear them everyday or every week. I don’t think I even wear them every month. I only wear one when necessary. You know there are some outfits that just look better without panty lines abeg…like those extra tight skirts, yes? *wink, wink*
I used to wear “regular underwears” with bikini strings by their sides. I can’t remember what they were called. I stopped wearing them because I couldn’t find them anymore. Well, I found them, but just not the ones I liked. I switched to the sporty bikini ones. They have ropes by their sides too, but the ropes are thicker, and not quite as fascinating. They were just too…. errrr.
I recently switched to boy shorts. My people, that was where my trouble started oh. Those boy shorts are big enough to be confused as booty shorts. In fact, they are sometimes called booty shorts, but of course, I wouldn’t wear them outside. I wouldn’t even wear a booty short outside anyway, so whatever. But why did I switch to boy shorts? The ones I found were coloful, and they looked comfy. But as I later came to find out, those underwears were just fine for nothing. They succeeded in giving me a wedgie every time. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have a wedgie from an underwear that is almost as big as a booty short? Do you know? Oh, the horror!! Several times, I found myself standing in public places and wiggling around like I had something crawling on me. They were never the kind of wedgies that I could discretely pull out. They were always the kinds I had to stand in a corner where no one was looking, put my hand in the back of my pants (trousers) and pull the darn underwear down. Sometimes, I even said, “Forget who is looking. I can’t take this anymore!!” and yes, I dug in. It didn’t matter where I was…Walmart…on the street, church, bank, Best Buy…whatever!! Desperate situationes call for desperate measures, right? All this suffering for the sake of wearing a colorful underwear???
This didn’t happen like once or twice a day. It happened several times a day. The wedgies I got were just phenomenal. They could not be ignored. They were the wedgies from hell. Two weeks ago, I went out with my ever outspoken mom. I was wearing a tight khaki-colored capri, and I had a serious wedgie, as usual. Being @ a public place, I pretended it wasn’t there. However…
Mom asked, “What kind of underwear are you wearing? I can see everything. It’s giving you pafinga.” So ‘pafinga’ is mom’s word for wedgie. That was it! That did it! If mom who wears glasses and sometimes doesn’t even recognize people could see that I had a chronic wedgie, then that meant that the rest of the world could see it too. So it was with a broken heart that I came to terms with the harsh reality of my love-hate affair: Boy shorts had to go!
I went shopping on Monday, and I am now the proud wearer of hipsters underwears. No wedgies. No pafinga. They sit on my hips, so they don’t show when I bend over (which was another problem I had with the boy shorts. They were pretty, but I didn’t care for everyone else to see them when I bent over). The hipsters underwears are pretty too. They’re comfy. I have to admit that I am a bit psychologically bruised from having my butt cheeks hang out everywhere but inside the underwear they were intended to hang out in. Thank goodness for hipsters. I may need a Shrink to get over this one.
The real problem now is….what to do with all those boy shorts??? I really wish I had a husband. I would have put him to good use. My good ol’ hubby woulda been modeling around for me in the boy shorts by now. He mighta even worn my heels and thrown on a pink scarf around his neck. Boy, I can’t wait to be married. Sooooo many ideas!!