Tonto, But Why?

Remember when I put up that post about Tonto cursing her fans (or foes) out on twitter because they dared to judge her songs before hearing them? Well, breaking news: they were right! And I am somewhat surprised because the way she cursed people out, I began to wonder if maybe she can actually sing. The temerity! (Spoken like a true Nigerian girl). Tonto has released two things which she’s referring to as songs. Listening to these songs is not for the faint-hearted. It takes real courage. Real strength. And real self control. Because you will be overcome by an overwhelming desire to kill whatever device this song thing is pouring out of.

You may not realize until you are done that you just threw your $1,000 customized 32GB iPad on the ground and drove over it twice. Luckily for me, I did not listen to these things on my $1,000 customized 32GB iPad. Plus, I don’t have one anyway.  Other plus, I did not get to listen to either thing in its entirety. I am simply not brave enough *bows head in shame*

I have never heard anything like this before. This thing is so autotuned that she sounds like a man whose throat is being squeezed. I am somewhere between shocked and hurt that she would inflict this audible pain on us. After all my support for her career – I’ve watched her movies – one would think she would be nicer. There was really no reason for this; it was straight up unkind to subject us to this. This is no way to treat people. I object! Even the Bible says in Luke 6:31 that you should “do unto others as you would have them do to you” [NIV]. Yes, of course, I had to bring the bible in. Don’t look at me like that!

There are actually actors/actresses who are blessed to be talented in both areas, like Jamie Foxx and Gwyneth Paltrow (sorry, the names of Nollywood celebs who can act AND sing currently elude me). But Tonto isn’t one of them. And neither is Omotola, Genevieve, and Ramsey for that matter. Dear Nollywood, please stop it!  Thanks to NotJustOK for providing the download links to these songs. I have uploaded them here for you to listen to also. After all, misery loves company. There is no reason why I should suffer this alone.

Tonto Dikeh – Get High

Tonto Dikeh- Get High

 

tonto-n-snypa2-Itz-Ova

Tonto Dikeh ft Snypa – Itz Ova (In her defense here, the spelling of this song is consistent with her ehm … language)

 

Now, Ovie of NotJustOK said,

“Itz Ova” isn’t half-bad if you ask me.

*O.O*

Very funny, Ovie!! Please see me in my office for some ass-whooping. And not the kind you like.

Jury is still out on whether Tonto can actually act. And then she goes and does this? What category of foolery shall we classify this under?