This Feminist Blogger Baked Bread With Yeast From Her Vagina

It keeps getting crazier and crazier, I tell you.

Yesterday, I read this article on Mashable about a queer, feminist blogger who baked bread with the yeast of her vagina. She got the yeast from her vagina by inserting a dildo inside it and scraping the yeast off the dildo. Disgusted yet? So in case you have been wondering what else you could do with your vaginal yeast, here you go. I’m not even going to link to her blog, but you can read the Mashable article here, if you want.

When I first read the article, my first reaction – naturally – was ewww, disgusting, nasty, yuck. I still think it’s disgusting, but then I thought about it some more and I had an epiphany. This thing she did, no be new thing o. I know that Oyibo people are fond of taking old ideas and recycling them as new ones and taking the credit for them, and that’s exactly what she has done, but this time, I have caught them! Let me explain.

Show of virtual hands if you have ever (1) known a man who suddenly and mysteriously fell hopelessly in love with an unlikely woman – sometimes at the expense of his wife and family or (2) watched this same scenario happen in a Nigerian movie. Ehen. Exactly. Innocent and unassuming wives have been losing their husbands to food cooked with vaginal ingredients since 200 BC, which is why those men did complete 180 degree turns in literally the blink of an eye.

The only thing now is that although this feminist blogger person has used it in her bread, there does not seem to be any scientific research yet to prove that vaginal ingredients can buy – or at least imitate – love … or something that feels like it. I would not be at all surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning to read a headline inspired by cooking with vaginal secretion. In fact, here are 5 that the “researchers” can use:

1.  Research Shows Cooking With Vaginal Secretion Can Prolong Marriage

2.  Research Shows Ingesting Vaginal Secretion Can Cure Cancer

3.  Vaginal Secretion Responsible For World Peace, Research Concludes

4.  Boko Haram Demands Vaginal Juice As Ransom For Missing Chibok Girls

5.  Study Shows Men Prefer Vaginal Juice Over Million Dollars

6.  Ingestion Of Vaginal Juice Now Required As Part Of Vetting Process For Presidency

Jokes aside, this is the exact reason why people don’t take feminists seriously. It’s because people like her are doing things like this to diminish the hard work of the actual feminists. I do not know the purpose of baking bread with vaginal yeast, and I don’t even seek to understand what compelled her to do so. Her vagina, her yeast, and hopefully, her bread only, too. The only reason why this is being discussed is that she put it out there for the internet to see, and once the world wide web sees it, there’s no taking it back. But if I were her friend, I would definitely stop eating anything she offers me.

And yes, I’m definitely filing this one under ibelibe.

P.S. I’m just thinking about all the foods that are cooked/baked with yeast. I need to call my chin chin lady and ask her some tough questions.