I found two out of my closest friends in Naija on Facebook the other day. Imagine my pleasant surprise. One of them was my best friend [in Naija] and she got married in August. The other one was also really, really close to me, and she got married before my best friend. Anyway, they’re now both married. This wasn’t news to me since we talk on the phone quite often. Although not as often as we used to when I was in Naija, of course. Time and distance has put a damper on our relationship.
Anyway, they’re both married now, and one that got married first now has a child. I was looking at her pictures on Facebook (kai, thank God for Facebook ooo). I saw pictures of her while she was pregnant and pictures of her with her child. It was so weird looking at this chic and her baby. Silly me. All I could think was “I guess she’s no longer a virgin.” LOL. Hey, don’t blame me. I grew up with this gal! Three of us practically grew up together. We went to the same elementary and high school. We grew breasts together and experienced our menarche (first period) together.
Actually, they grew breasts together and experienced their menarche together. I was a late bloomer on all counts. I don’t wanna start thinking about those days that everyone but me had breasts. Oh, the tears I shed! But hey, if they could see me now… hehehehehe *I laugh in Russian* It was traumatizing oh, but don’t let me bore you with my tales of former breastlessness.
As I was saying before I digressed, I was looking at my friends’ pictures on Facebook. I decided to show my mother the pictures to see if she recognized them. My mother and her blunt sef….you won’t believe what she had to say to me.
Mom: *twisting her mouth Naija style* Your friends, aren’t they your age or younger?
Me: *wondering what her point was* Rita (the one with the baby) is my age, but Linda is a year younger than me. Why?
Mom: Your friends that you started out with are married and having children and you you’re here. What are you doing?
Me: *astonished* You’re joking, right?! Mom, please! How can I get a husband when you don’t want to let me out of your sight? [Yes, that is my reason. No, not an excuse, but a REASON]. If I say I’m going to see a movie, you’ll squeeze your face, so how do you expect me to find a husband under such duress? [Yes, I call it duress]
Mom: You don’t go to places where you can find a husband. You go to Funmi’s and Busola’s house.
Okay, I had to laugh out loud. Darn it. Why does she always have to be right??? Come to think of it, I barely go anywhere else and just like Mama Vera said, man no dey for Funmi & Busola house ooo. I have been going to their house for years, and I am yet to meet one eligible bachelor there. I don’t think eligible bachelors live on their street. In fact, I don’t think eligible bachelors live in their zip code sef.
So strategize, I must. Find new friends, I must too. Funmi and Busola are not doing me any good. As soon as I collect my Christmas and birthday gifts, I will ditch them for some new friends. I cannot be friends with people who cannot hook me up with eligible bachelors. *hiss* Wetin sef? Anyway speaking of my birthday, I hope y’ll are preparing?? It’s Jan 14th, baby!
And uhm, feel free to read up on my former breastlessness HERE