Sex With A Robot Can Give You Orgasms? Oh, And Extend Your Life, Too

Who wants a robot lover?

I know that all kinds of crazy things happen in this world, and in spite of how many crazy things I have read and written about, I never really stop being shocked. So here comes the robot sex thing: according to a study, women who have longer orgasms tend to live longer. This isn’t just about how many orgasms a woman has, but also about how long they last. The longer, the better.

Apparently, “[Sexbots will] be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices… They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes.”

Whooooo *fanning myself violently* Is it just me, or did it get really, really hot in here? The robot will have supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices??? I don’t even know what this means, but I totally want in! It gets better: They – the robots, of course – will offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio (errr, I thought fellatio is for men??? Correct me, if I am wrong, biko), open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity (huh?), plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes.

Ewoooooooo. Chineke b’alu ekwensu mba! [God, scold the devil!] Which kin yeyerish temptation is this one now? Coming to me seven whole days before my birthday??? My enemies are trying to make me put this robot on my birthday wish list, but I will not fall for it. I will not. *fanning self some more* How can a mere robot do all these? And they now dare to call our men meat bags?? As in, akpa anu (bag of meat)??

But wait oh, I know that robots are made of metal – unless technology has changed them to stuffed animals. So are these sex robots also metal? If so, how on earth are you supposed to get an orgasm from laying next to a piece of cold, hard metal? Speaking of hard, is the robot’s member also hard? But let’s not focus on the orgasm part; this post is actually about the life longevity of women — due to prolonged orgasms. *cough*

P.S. Meat bags though???? :|

P.P.S. Considering the “open-throat silky fellatio” and the “prostate milking dexterity,” I have concluded that the robot is bisexual.

Source: Huffington Post

Comments

  1. says

    Lol… I’ll just pretend I didn’t read this.

    *coughs* Maybe you should err… add it to your birthday wish list; err…you never know who will be kind enough to buy it for you. #OkBye

    • says

      LOL. Ms. Dawari, thank you for the encouragement. But errr, I don’t know what I would do with this bisexual robot. Plus, I’d rather have a Dodge Charger. Or at least the Nikon camera.

    • says

      Ahhhh. Myne, we need to upgrade your fantasies oh. How can you not be fantasizing about a robot that can do all these things? Yeah, it’s possible that there’s a separate robot for men. Cause now that I’m thinking of it, a bisexual robot would have to have both sexual organs, right? Mehnnnn, this is so complicated jare.

  2. says

    These robots will wreck a lot of marriages…spouses cheating on each other with robots et al.

    Are they calling us meat-bags? What an insult…I’m sure its a robot that wrote that article!

    • says

      Hahahahaha at a robot writing the article. You know what? You might be right. I didn’t even think of it. And I don’t know how people will begin to solve infidelity issues that concern robots. Na wa oh.

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