Reason Number 75291783 Why I Don’t Take Nollywood Seriously

I wish I was here to talk about the awesomeness that is Nollywood, but not today. It may not seem like it, but once upon a time, I used to actually be an avid Nollywood movie fan. I watched almost every single movie I came across. And at one point, I actually considered doing reviews of Nigerian movies on my blog. When I first started The Verastic Show on Blog Talk Radio, I did a Nigerian movie review at least once. I don’t remember what episode exactly that was. But somewhere along the line, I must have realized that I had watched the same Nollywood movie over and over and over, under different names.

I just became irritated by everything: the plot, the act, the editing, the lighting. EVERYTHING. And all I have been doing since then is complaining. So the other day, I went to the African store and while I waiting to be attended to, I spotted a few Nigerian movies.

Sight Of Bird

Sight Of Bird

 

Kiss On A Royal Balcony

Kiss On A Royal Balcony

 

Tears For Breast Milk

Tears For Breast Milk

 

Bird Of Darkness

Bird Of Darkness

 

 

Royal Balcony

Royal Balcony

 

Seriously, look at the titles of these movies and tell me why anyone would want to watch them. Or tell me how I’ll introduce these movies to non-Nigerians.

P.S. I apologize for the bad photography. I’ll do better next time.

Comments

  1. says

    Really? REAALLYYYYY VERA (what’s your full name) *insert middle name here* EZIMORA!!!!! Reeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy?

    You go to the store and sight Nollywood movies (due mainly to my unending prayers for you and nolly) but then you go and choose the most atrocious species of ridiculousness in the name of movies to buy/snap/look at. Even I have refused to watch them?

    Don’t worry… my offer is still standing. Even if I have to come to MD and force you… when I get ‘the meeting’ you must watch it by fire by force.

    • says

      Hahahahahahaha. Just to be clear, typing my name in all CAPS does not change my mind! And I did not go and just pick the bad movies; they were all bad, and I just picked the worst ones. The movies at this store were displayed on a table and there were not a lot, so for me to find five out of them is a big deal.

      As for The Meeting, yes biko, lemme see it when it’s possible. I’d actually like to. It looks different. But I ain’t putting my money on it until I see it first.

  2. says

    Lmao Lmao Lmao! What the hell is “Kiss on a royal balcony?” I can bet that it’s a “William and Kate” kind of story. Choi!
    The titles are so ridiculous, makes you wonder what all the hype about ‘new and evolving Nollywood’ is all about *sigh*

    • says

      MsDawari, I don’t know what the kiss on a royal balcony is oh, but I can assume that the kiss on a royal balcony is completely different from kisses that happen on non-royal balconies. And kisses that happen on a royal balcony are also different from kisses that happen in other royal locations. LOL.

      I won’t even be shocked if the names of the main characters are William and Kate. Hahaha.

  3. says

    Lol The best is “Tears for Breast Milk”! I feel your pain Vera. i don’t understand these new crop of actors and writers. I miss the days of Liz Benson, Ego Boyo, and France Brown.*off to protect my boobies*

    • says

      Yesssss!!! Ego Boyo, Liz Benson and them. Some good, good times!! These days, even serious movies are sadly comical. Please protect your breasts. One never knows these days.

  4. manny says

    Kiss on a royal balcony hahaha. Before that, there was royal balcony. Like someone said above, I bet it must be a william and kate story

  5. says

    Tears for breast milk?? And there’s part 1 & 2? Is this creativity or what…I’m stunned oo. As old as Olu Jacobs is, he is fighting for breast milk? *goes to grab my copy nowww*

    • says

      Hahahahahaha. Oh, goodness! I did not even stop to think about Olu Jacob’s age. I do think, however, that he’s too good of an actor to be doing some of these films. But on the issue of this breast milk, let’s assume that Olu Jacobs wants fresh milk, and when in desperate need of breast milk, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. In two parts, if necessary. :D

      • says

        lol @Olu Jacobs wants fresh milk…and in two parts. The girl was doing shakara throughout part one. In part two, Olu Jacobs became Usain Bolt…and like lightening just started milking her. Oh Lord, inyama! In fact, think of anything and Nigerians have a movie about it! Lmao :D

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