There’s a “thing” going around the Nigerian web and social media. It’s a quote where [former?] Nigerian actress, Nkiru Sylvanus is allegedly saying that there are more men than women, so she does not mind being someone’s second wife, if the situation and the person are good. She is also quoted as saying that women need to give up this idea of one man, one wife. Because of this, Nigerians are crying blood — because how dare she say such a thing – something that has never happened and isn’t happening now in Nigeria? Hold on, let’s analyze this.
First of all, is this deja vu, or did I read this quote years ago? If so, why is it suddenly being resurfaced? I have been tagged on this article and have literally gotten messages in my inbox asking if I will share my opinion on the issue. Well, here I am. Secondly, is polygamy no longer as common as white rice in Nigeria? I mean, polygamous families – whether it happened on purpose or by accident – they come a dime, a dozen in Nigeria, no? Some of you reading this right now, your father has more than one wife. In fact, you might be the offspring of the second, third, fourth, anyone-but-first wife. No be so?
That being said, I am not surprised by what Nkiru allegedly said because I am Nigerian, and this has been our reality. Even here in America, I know someone whose mother was not-first-wife in Nigeria. For the Americans who may be confused, we are not talking about a man having been married twice, nor are we talking about a man who has children with more than one woman. No, we are talking about men who marry more than one wife at the same time (and it’s not a secret to any of the wives).
One does not need to wander far in Nigeria or among Nigerians to see or hear a case of women “dragging” boyfriends. And no matter the culture, race, or nationality, side chics are always a thing. There are always men who happily cheat on their women, and there are women who also take whatever is given to them. Why they stay is a matter for another day. But in our culture, a man marrying a second wife is normal. Sometimes, the first wife even helps to find the second wife.
I could not be any less concerned about who Nkiru Sylvanus or other women are open to marrying. Whether they want to marry married men, women, or animals is none of my business. It’s when they look at my own husband that they will learn that Surugede is the dance of the spirits.