I can just see the excitement on everyone’s face. You sex-deprived lot! Consider this post a rejoinder to my post, Bless Me Father For I Have Kissed. Now, in case no one noticed, the operative word in the title of that post was KISSED. As in, we were supposed to be talking about the critical issue at hand aka my predicament: the taboo in kissing before marriage.
Let’s Talk About [Oral] Sex
April 7, 2009 by 78 Comments
I happened to mention (in one tiny little sentence) that it was also mentioned during the dinner/conference that oral sex between married couples is a sin. Just because of that small sentence, everyone abandoned the issue @ hand (my predicament) to talk about why they must have oral sex when married…come rain, come shine. Even Banky W commented. Rumor has it that he was right in the middle of a concert when he heard Verastic Dot Com published a post saying that having oral sex with his future wife was a sin, so he quickly stopped the concert to come & comment. Okay, I lie. I am the sole starter and spreader of this rumor. But it could have been true… no?
After eighty-seven comments, five truths have sufficed:
1. Una too love oral sex (you love oral sex too much)!!
2. You will all have first-class tickets to hell.
3. You will be at the honeymoon suite in the penthouse of hell.
4. I’m not going with you.
5. I’m really, really, REALLY not going with you.
So a lot of people asked where it says in the bible that oral sex between married couples is perversion. I have looked through the bible, and of course, I cannot find the following exact words (if that is what you are looking for):
“Thou shalt not suck on your neighbor’s penis.” OR “Thou shalt not lick your neighbor’s vagina.” No, those words are not there exactly. However, the following words are there:
** ”Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” (Lev 18:22)
** ”Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.” (Lev 18: 23)
** ”Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery…” (Romans 13:13)
** The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambiton, dissensions, factions of envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like…” (Galatians 5: 19-21)
These words are not mine obviously. They are from my bible (Women of Faith Study Bible. NIV). ADifferentNaijaSpec, I hope these bible quotations have answered your question about what is considered a sin. Direct any further questions to God. LOL.
Nice Anon asked, “Is feeling for the size of the thing considered or can it be counted as kissing too? I ask because no one wants to end up with an Asian sized thing. You know they are known for having peanut sized thing.”
Ehm… Madam Nice Anon, I will go ahead and make an educated guess here: God will not approve of any feeling for the size of “the thing” before marriage. LOL. I might be wrong oh, but something just tells me there is no way to explain that to God. Besides, how many Asian “things” does it take to prove your hypothesis? Plenty! So how many have you felt? If your answer is “at least half of the Asian population,” I’ll give you my advise: stay away from the Asian men. Ha ogodo nwoke aka ka ogodo nwoke ha gi (Leave men’s trousers alone so that men’s trousers will leave you) …. so says my mom…. and no, not to me! That is what she used to tell our help, Nkechi…. right before Nkechi got pregnant. It is safe to assume that Nkechi didn’t listen, but anyway…
Per the comments I’m receiving, lemme clarify something up: The reason why “orgies” is in bold is because I mentioned it as a sin in my other post. I put it in bold here as reinforcement. The relationship between oral sex and animals? Well, technically none. But the conference I attended considers oral sex as perversion while the bible considers sex with animals as perversion. It might help to read the first post, Bless Me Father For I Have Kissed. Now that we have tackled this oral sex problem, can we get back to the issue of my kissing or lack-of-kissing palaver?
P.S. For those that want to know who I have been kissing… send me a Range Rover Sport and we can talk. But the most important thing is that My Kisser would prefer to be addressed as My Kisser (not my Kissee as someone/some people called him) because he initiated the kiss. Hey, I’m just the messenger here. *wink* If you need clarification, direct your questions to him. I’ll be sure he gets them.