Well, technically, that’s not completely true. He has not dumped Tonto – yet. But it’s definitely coming. By now, I’m sure most of you have heard of Iyanya dumping Yvonne Nelson for Tonto Dikeh. It’s really bad when you are dumped – especially when you did not see it coming – but I think the only thing worse than being dumped [by Iyanya] is being dumped by Iyanya … for Tonto. Like, how the heck does that happen?!?!
When Iyanya’s “Your Waist” song came out, Igwe couldn’t stop laughing. He said that Iyanya was a baaaaad boy for singing with Yvonne Nelson’s name, said that he would end up sleeping with her. To this I objected strongly because artists always sing with people’s names, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are sleeping with – or will sleep with – the people whose names they mentioned.
That was pretty much the end of that conversation. And I never followed it up, so I did not even know that they were dating, so imagine my surprise when I read yesterday that Iyanya dumped Yvonne Nelson … for Tonto. What?! Again, I ask, how the hell does that happen?
So where is this my headline coming from? Well, if you listen to the song, he mentioned these names in this order: Tiwa Savage, Tonto Dikeh, Yvonne Nelson. And he told each of them to “Roll am oh …” But for Yvonne Nelson, he took it a step further by adding, “Yvonne Nelson, I have your medicine …” Please see Exhibit A for this at 1:24 minutes into the song.
The entire song is pretty much about your waist, and about him wanting it … and of course having medicine for Yvonne Nelson. Now, people have been pissed at him, asking, how could he dump Yvonne for Tonto? But the boy did mention in the song that all he wanted was Yvonne’s waist, and that he also has her medicine. Is it not safe, then, to assume that he has given Yvonne Nelson the medicine … and err, she is now cured? When a doctor prescribes medication for you, do you take it past the dosage? Mba nu!! Taking medication past its dosage can be lethal. So technically, he’s doing Yvonne a favor. And who knows, the medicine might help Tonto actually know how to sing. Who am I kidding? His medicine cannot be that good.
Here’s where Tiwa Savage comes in: in the song, he mentioned the names in this order: Tiwa Savage, Tonto Dikeh, and then, Yvonne Nelson. He has cured Yvonne Nelson and moved on to Tonto Dikeh. Naturally, Tiwa Savage is next. And you cannot blame these ladies really. Have you seen the way Iyanya gyrates his waist? No, really, have you seen it??? The boy is hot, and he knows it, too.
Igwe has a mental “conversation” about how he believes Iyanya’s friends reacted to Iyanya and Yvonne. After Yvonne left Iyanya’s house on one of those good-ol-days, his friends were like, “Oh, boooooy!!!! You don hammer! Correct! How far, how far? You done do am? My friend, no dey catch feelings oh! When you go discharge am? Hurry, hurry, you know say Tonto still dey for line.”
In the event that the relationship with Tonto doesn’t work out – which we know it won’t, but we will pretend like we don’t know – the next on the line is Tiwa. But if Tiwa doesn’t work out, there’s also Genevieve whose name he mentioned, but only briefly. Please see Exhibit B at 1:11 minutes into the song. But if Genevieve doesn’t fall for him – which I assume she won’t – Igwe predicts that another big name will fall for him. He says, Rukky Sanda might fall, unless he says she bleaches too much. Susan Peters – according to Igwe – is too old and “iya-ish” and he compares her to Rachael Oniga. And I said Rachael Oniga ko Patience Ozokwor ni. Eventually, Igwe adds, he might just go back to Ghana for Jackie Appiah and Nadia Buari.
In Iyanya’s defense, he did specifically say in the song that all he wants is the waist. He did not say anything about her heart or her love, or anything. He asked for their waist. And so far, it’s two down, one to go. Or two to go, if you count Genevieve, but I don’t see that happening. Good record, no? And by the way, remember when D’banj sang about liking Nadia Buari because she does not drink garri? And next thing, they were reportedly gbenshing – although they denied it. We believed them, of course
I have attached the song for your listening pleasure. Enjoy. And let’s sit back and watch the drama unfold. This is gonna be good.