Give Me A Spouse Or I Die!

Church program: Give me a spouse or I die

Church program: Give me a spouse or I die

My regret is that I did not blog of this event sooner. I knew of it a while ago, but I completely forgot to share it here so that people who are now on the brink of death caused by spouselessness can go to this event. The funny part is that there are people who actually feel this way. And there are people who attended this event … AND these people said this prayer to God.

I can just see it happening. The pastor will say, “Now, say, FATHER!!! GIVE ME A SPOUSE OR I DIE! DON’T ALLOW MY ENEMIES TO LAUGH AT ME ANY LONGER. GIVE ME A SPOUSE, OH GOD. TURN MY GRASS INTO GRACE! GIVE ME THE BONE OF MY BONES! WILL MY OWN BE DIFFERENT? PROVIDE MY SPOUSE BY FIRE! FATTHHHEEEERRRR, GIVE ME A SPOUSE OR I DIE!!!! PRRRRAAAAAAYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!” And the entire church will erupt in spontaneous noise, shouting on God and demanding a spouse and threatening to die. Ehn, die now. Na today yansh begin dey for back?

If not for the goodness, love, and patience of God, do you know how many of us will die by our own prayers? Give me a spouse or I die, ke? For what reason? They should have actually given it a different name: Give me a spouse or I commit suicide! Then we’ll know for sure which people are ready to die from spouselessness.

P.S. I bet you most of these people can barely take care of themselves.

P.P.S. And I bet most of the attendees were women, too.

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Comments

  1. says

    At least they didn’t say, give me a husband or I die. I agree with you most of the attendees would be women. I wonder how many people will find spouses at the event? LOL…

    • says

      If I’m gonna guess, I’ll say that most either didn’t meet husbands or they met men that would use them because they know how desperate they are. Orrrr maybe they met men husbands who are actually the wrong husbands. I don’t know, just my thoughts.

  2. owolabi segun says

    Very funny of u guys who don’t dig well into a matter b4 passing sentence. I suppose if u were God, the whole world would av com 2 an end long ago. Anyway 4 ur info, dat caption ‘Give me a spouse or I die’ actuali talks about d fact dt if u go on searching 4 a spouse on ur own without involvin God, u av jst signed ur death warrant. It was only actuali meant to raise people’s curiosity

    • says

      Owolabi, yes, if I were God, the world would definitely have come to an end, and I would have destroyed myself right along with it. But I thank God that I am not God. Your reference really doesn’t change anything about my views on this. I did not have to be in the church to know that most of the people looking for spouses have no being looking for spouses. By default, we are not supposed to be looking for spouses without God anyway, so why must we say we will die if God doesn’t join us in looking for a spouse? Is there anything we do – consciously or unconsciously – that God isn’t a part of?

  3. Miz B says

    Ah, the society we live in Nigeria, if one is not of strong mind will actually say those very words! Check out this article written by a German lady in Nigeria on a short assignment about enquiries about her marital status then you will understand why thousands of singles feel like freaks if they are not married at a certain age! Now imagine if the german lady were their sister or daughter! http://www.ynaija.com/femke-becomes-funke-the-big-question-on-everyones-mind/

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