I love your blog and literally everything about you. I have a situation that may not be so unique. I have been dating this guy casually on and off and he’s a very nice guy, but I just never found myself to be so attracted to him. The sex is OK. It can definitely get better but I have never even told him so it’s my fault. The problem now is that he recently got a very good job and suddenly-suddenly he’s the man of my dreams. I know the Verastic readers will say that I am a gold digger, but abeg, make I die before una bury me.
It’s not the money in his bank account that makes me want him badly now I swear. It’s the confidence that it has brought. He now wears nice fitting suits, nice shoes, and the way he talks to me is different. This man that would lick the ground I walk on now blows me away. Suddenly-suddenly he’s realizing that I have been pushing him away for another man and he deserves better. OK Vera, yes, it’s true: I have another man but let me explain.
Like I said in the beginning my relationship with this my bobo is casual. It’s more than friends with benefits but it’s not quite a committed relationship. The other guy is not as nice as this my casual bobo but he’s more manly; as in, he’s just stronger.
Vera, the yawa that has gased now is that babes don dey follow my casual bobo. This his new job and his new status is making all the women of this town to want to fall on his d*ck and I’m feeling left out. I met him first and I owned him first so I feel like we should be trying to make things work between us. The other day, I ran into him at an event and he had the audacity to introduce me as a FRIEND. Me, FRIEND? I don’t want to start mentioning all the things we have done, but to refer to me as a friend, that was insulting.
I’m sorry for this long letter, but I need help before these hoes steal a good man from me.
P.S (me sef, make I ps like you do on the blog) I am no longer with the other guy. He’s completely cut off. Please make una no abuse me too much oh.
I really don’t like this line, “I met him first and I owned him first” because a man is not a property to be owned, but I understand what you are trying to say, and even with that, owning certainly isn’t done on a first-come-first-serve basis (or else I’d own a lot of useless property by now. Yes, I’m throwing shade).
Your case definitely isn’t unique, but not to worry, we can help you resolve it – hopefully. Basically, what has happened is that the hunter (your casual bobo) and the prey (you) have switched places, and the prey must now learn how to be a hunter. I understand what it means to be drawn to a man’s confidence. Yes, it’s hella sexy. But first, search yourself and make sure that you do not want this man because (1) He now has money or (2) Other women want him. These are not good reasons to want a man because eventually, you’ll get over them (and him, consequently).
So assuming you truly, truly like him, you need to tell him how you feel and what you would like to happen. If he’s still interested, you can go from there. But understand that the burden of conviction is now on you because he has spent however long chasing you, and you have not given him the part of you he wanted most. You have to convince him that you’re worth it. You have to win his like/love/trust back. Meanwhile, be patient. And I wish you the very best.
Alright, Umu Nna (kinsmen + kinswomen), please tell her what you think.
P.S. Igwe and I are pretty much on the same page, hence the solo response.
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P.P.P.S. Read previous Dear Vera posts HERE.
DISCLAIMER: My and Igwe’s response to Dear Vera letters are solely based on opinion, and should be taken with caution and at your express discretion.