*Mail has been edited for spelling and grammar*
Dear Vera, I’m a long time
I’m a long time reader of your blog and we know each other through a mutual friend. And that’s why I have to send this email anonymously. I need objective advice on a crisis I’m dealing with. Please share this with your Sweet Potatoes too.
I’m advanced in age (close to 40) and still single and childless. All of my friends are either married or have children. Honestly, I want to be married, but I have not met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, or God forbid have a child with. You may not agree with me, but Nigerian women are crazy. The ones in America are just mental. Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.
Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.
Sorry for the long story. Now the crisis I’m facing is that a friend of a friend has a wife who wants me badly. They don’t have any children and she says it’s because there is something medically wrong with him. Vera, this woman is dying for me. She wants me bad. I mean bad.
Although I am not friends with her husband, I still don’t feel right sleeping with another man’s wife. I have done this in the past but not with this particular woman. At that time, I was young and I did not care. I was just having fun. This time, I’m actually interested in this woman. She is someone I could have dated. Actually, she reminds me a lot of you or maybe it’s you that reminds me of her.
This woman disturbs me every day, sends me very suggestive text messages and naked pictures. I don’t know who told her that I love women’s thighs especially the ones that are yellow and not thin. I cannot tell you what I dream of doing inside this woman’s thighs. I have never gotten so hard for a common picture. I keep turning her down but I’m getting weaker by the moment.
She knows where I work and it’s only a matter of time before she finds my house, and if she shows up to my house, it is finished. I cannot resist her there. I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do?
I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do? Also, she wants to have my baby. She says she’s ready to leave her husband once I accept her but I don’t know, Vera. I cannot share with any of my friends because they all know her, and in case she becomes my lady or my wife, I don’t want my friends to be looking at her as an asewo [prostitute].
To make matters worse, we go to the same church. I have started avoiding church because when I’m in church, the only thing I can think about is me between her fresh thighs.
Please help your brother out.
This one is tough oh! In fact, it’s very messy. I discussed this with Igwe and we have different responses. I’ll start with mine first. As for me, I am completely against sleeping with a married person, especially when they’re still actively married. If she was at least separated or in the process of divorce, I’d still say no, but it won’t be such a hard no.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to be so strongly pursued by a woman who you are actively interested in, and if you were to eventually give in, I suppose the court of public opinion might be favorable to you. Still, I’d say don’t give in. If this woman is so unhappy in her marriage, then ideally, she should walk out and then search for greener pastures.
Her insistence on getting a guarantee from you before leaving a situation she does not want to be in suggests to me that she wants to eat her cake and have it back. It also suggests to me that she does not understand how marriage and commitment work. If she does not want her current husband, she should stop stringing him along, whether or not you agree to be between her yellow, not-thin thighs. Would you really trust a woman who is willing to treat her husband this way? What if you become her husband tomorrow? Who will she be sending naked pictures to then?
My brother, you have to take into consideration the level of disrespect that comes with a married woman (or just a married person in general) sending naked pictures of themselves to another person. Haba!
Igwe’s thoughts: The best thing is to resist, but the next best thing is to go for it. Give the woman what she wants (and what you want), not because it is right or moral, but because until it happens, you both may continue to torture yourselves and continue to wonder what if.
The right thing for everyone to say is that you should resist, but how do they really, really feel, and what would they do if they were in your shoes? A lot of things in life are neither black nor white, and sometimes, we have to make tough decisions in tough situations. For all we know, maybe this woman is supposed to be your wife. On the other hand, maybe this is a test you are supposed to pass (by resisting her).think that if this
One thing I agree with my wife on is the part about this woman possibly not knowing what marriage and commitment are. Marriage is hard work, and it does not become good or great or easier by one person sending naked pictures to someone that isn’t in a marriage. I am not belittling her dissatisfaction in her marriage, but she needs to pick a side and stick to it. Right now, she’s sitting on the fence and holding on to your balls and her husband’s balls, and that is selfish. So, before you decide to sleep with this woman, you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her.
So, before you decide to sleep with this woman (if you decide to sleep with her), you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her. Because one just cannot say what she is or is not capable of doing.
Oya, Sweet Potatoes, talk your own in the comments.
P.S. Read more Dear Vera posts here.
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