What kind of world would we be living in if we did not have toasters that print penises and vaginas on our bread? Sacrilege! The people at Breakfast In Bed have created a toaster that does magic. You put your bread into the toaster and it comes out with a toasted-on penis or vagina. I’m assuming that one slice of bread comes out with the penis, and the other comes out with the vagina. There are even toasters for gay and lesbian people that print two penises and two vaginas, respectively. Or maybe they are just for people who prefer two penises or two vaginas.
But if they are indeed for gay and lesbian people, and if you are bisexual or transgender or transexual or whatever else there is out there, this is the time when you become very pissed off AND stage a protest. You deserve your own toasters, too, damn it.
I understand what the toaster does – I think, but I don’t understand why it does it. I have some questions to support my confusion:
1. Is it a turn-on to see a penis and/or vagina drawn on a slice of bread?
2. Does this bread taste different from regular bread?
3. Can this bread be used as a toy?
4. Can we serve this bread at PTA meetings and church lunches?
5. Is there any other use for this bread apart from eating it (and possibly just staring at it)?
6. Why do restaurants not serve this bread?
7. Can it be eaten with a link sausage? I assume the penis bread would be threatened by a link sausage and the vagina bread might feel insulted and exploited.
8. Does this print work on Agege bread?
9. Does eating this bread equal endorsement of eating private parts? The good type of eating, of course. Not literally chowing down.
10. Who came up with this penis-vagina bread? And does it work on moi moi?
For one easy payment of $29.95, you, too, can have this toaster and get your own very well-deserved toasted-on penis and vagina! And it is available in five fancy colors! Royal blue, baby blue, bright red, forest green, and sunny yellow. But wait, that’s not all! For an additional $3, you can have it personalized! Yup. Just send in a picture, and bam! It’ll be on your toaster.
Look!!! It’s a family picture … stamped on the penis-vagina toaster. Isn’t that wonderful? Now, whenever your penis-vagina bread comes out, you can think of your children. Perhaps, this toaster even inspired their conception. You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna order one in the sunny yellow color and I’m gonna personalize it with our big family picture. Grandma is gonna lovvvvveeee this. Think how happy she’ll be each time our family picture spits out a penis-vagina bread?
This is a great family heirloom that will be passed down from generation to generation. Imagine the fun at our family reunions.
P.S. My cousin, Arinze is getting married in the summer. I think I’m gonna buy him one of these. And I’ll put up a picture of him and his fiancee on it. They are gonna LOVE it, especially when mom and dad come over and use it.
Buy yours HERE