That Time My Mommy Found A Porn DVD In My Bedroom

Consider this picture to be the porn picture placeholder

Consider this picture to be the porn picture placeholder

Of all the awkward situations I’d rather never have with my mother, this is definitely high up there. My friend, Solachi (Busola) got married in 2007. But before she got married, we had a surprise bridal shower for her. At this bridal shower, one of her friends gave her about 3 or 4 porn DVDs to prepare her for marriage (she was a virgin). Out of curiosity, we – Uju, Solachi, and I – decided to watch a couple of them.

I remember we watched one in Uju’s house, and then somehow, I ended up with one in my house. I honestly don’t remember if it was the one we watched, or if it was another, but I just know I had it with me.

The plan was to give it back to Solachi the next time we saw each other, but it never happened. I had hidden the DVD somewhere in my bookshelf in my bedroom, in between books, and I just forgot it there. That was until the day I came home and found it sitting on my bedroom desk with mom giving me a look that was between shocked, disappointed, confused, and disgusted. Ugh!

I was burning up inside, and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I ¬†always use the line, “It’s not what it looks like, I can explain” when I’m trying to be funny, but in this instance, I was not joking at all, and the line was so apt, but it was impossible to say it without looking and sounding guilty. It really was not what it looked like, and I really could explain!

I did explain it to my mom, and till this day, I don’t know if she believed me or not. More importantly, I hope she has forgotten it. My mom and I have always had a kind of relationship where I pretend to be holy and not know any bad thing, while [I think] she pretends to believe my pretense. So to have her find this nasty movie in my possession was just something I could not have ever prepared for. I never did return the DVD to Solachi after mom found it. I just broke it and threw it away.

In other news, how do you feel about watching porn? Sometimes I convince myself that couples might need it to enhance their sexual life, if things are not going great, but most times, I feel deeply within my spirit that it’s not okay. My spirit says it’s wrong, but my brain/body tries to come up with all kinds of scientific reasons to justify it. The questions I often ask myself are (1) If Jesus was standing right here, would I watch it? And (2) If I say that watching porn is perfectly okay, then what sets me apart from the world (cause the world believes it’s perfectly okay)?

I don’t want to sound perfect or like a godly girl because I am far from that, but I’m just opening up about one of the many struggles I have. Just to be clear, I do not watch porn. Back in 2012, I blogged about watching porn, and that was when I had some kind of porn binge. A friend – he knows himself – and I were having a conversation and he was trying to explain to me why watching porn was somewhat therapeutic and helpful, so I checked the website out. I watched one video to the other to the other. Read post here.

I want to say more about this porn experience, but I’m starting to feel this post digress to a subject I was not planning on tackling, not in this way anyway. But if you want me to, I’ll blog about it more extensively in another post. In conclusion, mommy and I have never, ever discussed that porn DVD incidence again, and I hope – God, I pray – that she has forgotten it because I sure haven’t! It still makes me cringe. Yikes!!

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Comments

  1. Pendo says

    Lol my male cousin’s porn video got stuck in the decoder when light got taken this was back in the days of VHS the struggle to get it out before the parents came home was real! Anyway about watching porn I think it depends on they type of porn being watched to enhance sex lives and also the frequency too much of everything is bad for us. I use this analogy if I am looking for a particular recipe I will Google it if it comes with a video the better, the same applies to porn if a novice has no clue what doggy style or whatever style is for that matter and he/she Google’s it and the explanation comes with a porn video then the better for them to learn from with visuals. I think whether to watch porn or not is a personal decision but for me personally indulging in soft porn every now and then is perfectly ok. There are even some educational sex programmes that are akin to porn used in sex education.

  2. says

    I have watched it before in the past. I do not watch porn now or do I seek for it. It never became a need. I stumbled on the first one. I was a kid. It was a magazine. Second was a VHS tape. Pendo, you are not alone. After that there have been sporadic occasions when I viewed porn. It is okay? My spirit tells me it is not. I never walked away feeling good about myself and I found it difficult to pray or should I say I avoided prayer for a few days until I felt I could face God again. So my gut tells me it is wrong. What about soft porn? Hmm…porn is porn. I won’t judge and say married couples do not find it beneficial. However, I think if a married couple must resort to porn (soft or otherwise) to enhance their sex lives then communication/sexual intimacy between them needs some work. Maybe a lot of work. I think sex and sexual intimacy should come naturally when a couple is married. And if it does not then those elements which make for great sex and communication sans porn needs work. That my little 2 cents. Interesting topic Vera.

  3. says

    This is indeed a serious issue. Just last week or thereabout, I made some decisions about porn. I should blog about it, and link back to your blog post. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Mounah says

    This is my first time commenting on your blog but not my first reading it. First of all, I’m a Liberian-American. I will admit two things that I hate admitting here: I’m a virgin & I watch porn, lol. I know, but to me it’s just me being curious. I swear, I find it difficult to imagine myself having sex, so I guess watching porn prepares me. I don’t feel anyway or anything. For me, I don’t want to just laid there when I decide to have sex one day, I want to contribute.

    PS. You discuss very important topics here, without being shy or embarrassed.

    • says

      Mounah, thank you so much for reading!! My dear, sex is great (when it’s done well), but it isn’t anything you need to do or try until you are absolutely ready. Orgasms are great, and they take you to Cloud 9, but eventually, you will come down from that cloud. Lol.

      Per what I write and being shy or embarrassed, I don’t have that in my DNA. Lol. If I can’t talk about it the way I feel, then I’ll just leave it alone.

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