You know that I argue with myself a lot, right? If you knew half the conversations that go on in my head, you might stop reading this blog — and maybe even sign a petition to have me committed. There are certain words that although innocent just sound dirty, and those three in the title are exactly what I’m talking about today. This reminds me of my 2009 post about ice cream. I was trying to decide the proper way to describe what you’re doing to ice cream. Do you eat it, lick it, drink it, or suck it. All these phrases just sound terrible. You can read that post here.
My friend, Karyn is a forty-something-year-old exceptional writer and mom, and she and I usually function on the same wavelength of crazy, but generally, I think she has me beaten. You may find this hard to believe, but she’s crazier than me. Anyway, she, too, does not like it when people use “moist” and “juicy” in sentences. It just sounds dirty. She also does not like grown men to say “yummy,” as she thinks it’s creepy. Ha! I don’t care about the yummy part, although I also have a toddler at home, so words like yummy are part of my daily vocabulary. I suppose it would be weird if I was out on a date with a grown man who described his food as yummy.
But let’s talk about the words up there:
Moist: I always like my cake moist. But even now as I’m writing it, I feel dirty. There are female body parts that are sometimes described as moist, and honestly, I don’t find it sexy at all. It’s just weird and creepy and eww. Even the sound of moist makes it sound very — moist.
Juicy: Who doesn’t like a juicy steak, right? But again, it sounds so naughty. There are women’s body parts that are described as juicy, like her lips – and I’m not just talking about the ones up north. Fruits like oranges are described as juicy. Women’s breasts can also be described as juicy … and as oranges … and as juicy oranges. You see where I’m going with this? Since we’re already going down this road, I feel inclined to share that I don’t have a pair of juicy oranges on my chest. Grapefruits, yes. Whether they’re juicy or not is what I cannot answer.
Stiff: Stiff drink, anyone? I personally don’t do stiff drinks, but Igwe and Uju do, and they love it. But drinks are not the only things that are or can be stiff. It’s hard to say stiff without shifting in your seat. Did you notice the pun there?
Now I just want to know who else gets a little squirmy when they hear these words AND what other words make you just as squirmy? Let’s be squirmy together.