Today, I’m going to tell you how to be a good wife. I’ve been sleeping next to Igwe now for almost six years, and whoever it was that said that you never stop learning about your partner no matter how long you’ve been married was/is right. Igwe and I don’t always go to bed at the same time. Before Ada Verastic came into our lives, we were more likely to go to bed together, but these days, it doesn’t always happen that way.
So, the other night, I was so tired. My eyelids were being pulled down by an invisible but mighty force, and after fighting the sleep for so long, I decided to succumb to nature. I left Igwe and Ada Verastic in the living room and went to bed. I did not say goodnight because if I had, Ada Verastic would have taken it as a cue to run after me and take that sleep away from me. So I was very excited when I successfully snuck into bed without Ada Verastic noticing that I was gone.
I had just started falling asleep when Igwe came in all animated, asking me why and how I went to bed without him. He kept talking and talking. And then, he started talking about some plans he had for the future, and he just wouldn’t stop talking. Ugh. And when I kept giving one-word answers, he wanted to know why I wasn’t more enthusiastic about his plans for the future. Needless to say, the sleep disappeared.
So, here’s the part where I tell you how to be a good wife at night. Revenge, as they say, is best served cold. Several days after Igwe disturbed my sleep, I waited for him to be where I was on that fateful night: the sweet spot between being barely awake and kind of asleep. Then I tapped him to wake up and I asked him a very important question: where do you see yourself in five years?
He looked like he wanted to cry. He objected, asked me why I was doing this and had the nerve to say that he would never do that to me. Then I quickly reminded him that he did it to me just the other day. That was when he gave up defending himself and did what he should have done initially: he begged. And begged. And begged.
I was a good wife that night. I quite liked it.