This post is part of the Verastic In Nigeria series
I have not been to Nigeria in 16 years! Isn’t that insane? I left Nigeria on August 15th 2000, and I have not been back ever since, but that does not stop me from dreaming about Nigeria. That being said, there are some things that I have to do when I’m there. You may consider them to be mundane, but to me, they are extra special.
1. Hot suya and cold Fanta: If you know me a little bit, then this one goes without saying. I used to live in Jos, and the Northerners make the best suya. I don’t know if my suya spot in Jos is still there (Standard), but either way, I want suya. And it has to go down with cold Fanta because that is how I used to eat it back then. I have not had correct suya in 16 years.
2. Roadside roasted corn and ube: This is another one that I have not had in 16 years. Sure, I’ve had roasted corn at cookouts here, but it’s not the same. First of all, the corn is different. Seeing as this is America, it’s probably genetically modified. Secondly, the roasting is different. Maybe the American fire, too, is genetically modified. It’s not original 100% fire. Lastly, I have not seen ube since I got here.
3. Recharge cards: Like I said, I left Nigeria in 2000, and at the time I left, cell phones were not popular. So, in all of my life, I have never seen, touched, or “executed” a recharge card. I don’t know what it means to put credit on your phone. I don’t know where people go to buy these recharge cards (although I’ve seen umbrella stalls selling them on the street in Nigerian movies). But I want to see one myself and “execute” it all by myself.
4. Other foods: There are many other foods I want like nkwobi, isi ewu, kunu, masa, and maybe even fura de nono. I ate nkwobi here about a month ago, and it was disappointing. The taste was nice, but the pieces of meat were so big and bone-filled. I have not seen or tasted kunu since I left Nigeria, and I want masa to go along with my suya! I used to love fura de nono, although I was not allowed to drink it (so I had to sneak to get my fix), and I would love to have some again, but I don’t know if I can still drink it. I’ll definitely leave it on my list though.
5. A Nigerian bank account: I have never had a Nigerian bank account – unless you consider the one my mom used to tell me I had, the one she used to put all my money in, the one I never saw. I have come to terms with the fact that my mommy was lying to me. She spent all the money I made from Christmas and birthdays and told me that it was in my special account. Now I know better. I want my own account. I’ve heard that going to the ATM can be a day’s job, and while I have no intention of personally experiencing this, I would still love to own my own bank account.
On my way to breakfast
6. Meeting my Sweet Potatoes: Do I really need to explain this one? Some of you have been reading for years and giving me life with your comments. It would be an honor to meet you. Maybe we’ll sip kunu together, and when we’re done, we’ll share a group hug – till we meet again!
7. Meeting my blogging friends of before-before: As you know, I’m very nostalgic about my blogging past. I miss the good ol’ days and I miss the bloggers that I started this journey with. Most of them don’t blog anymore, and even when they did, they were anonymous. I stay in touch with a lot of them, but we’ve never met.
8. Meeting some family and friends: I haven’t seen friends like Lilian since I left Nigeria, so I have to see her again. There are also some family members I love and haven’t seen in just as long. Keyword is “some.”
9. Discovering the Mainland and Island: Since I did not live in Lagos, I don’t know the difference between the Mainland and the Island. I mean, I know that the Island is more expensive, but I wouldn’t recognize it if you dropped me in the middle of it. I have to see this Island (and Lagos in general) with my two koro koro eyes.
10. And Shoprite nko? I have to see it. The reason for my curiosity is that people keep talking about it, so I wanna go see it, and it better be as good as the hype you created. I remember years ago, I asked on Twitter what people do for fun in Lagos, and someone said, “Go to Shoprite and pose.” Ha! Perhaps, I need to go there and pose, too. I used to think it was a department store like Macy’s, but the scenes and pictures I have seen of it in Nigerian movies suggests that it’s actually just a grocery store.
11. Running into my BFF, Chimamanda: What are the odds that I will run into Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie? I keep telling you people that she’s my BFF, and I mean it! The thing is that she just doesn’t know it yet, but not to worry, when I run into her, I’ll be sure to let her know. Meanwhile, can someone please epp me to tell her that I want to marry her?
12. Sewing new outfits and not paying $100 each: An average ankara outfit here will cost you about $80 to $100 to sew (not including the fabric). I’m very envious when people tell me how much they paid in Nigeria. Igwe, for example, came back with so many new outfits, and I think he said he paid N10,000 (or was it N15,000), and they were so nice! N10,000 is about $25, and since I don’t have a money printer in my bedroom, I’d prefer to pay the lower price.
13. Drinking the damn Chapman! Walahi, you people are driving me nuts with this Chapman thing. What is it? I know before I left Nigeria in 2000, there was Fanta Chapman. Is that what this is? Or is this an entirely new beverage? Is it a bottled beverage? Is this a virgin beverage or a cocktail with some alcohol? I. Need. To. Know.
Update!!! There are three more things I forgot to add to the list (updated September 13th 2016):
14. Braid my hair for cheap: I don’t know what it’s like in other countries, but in the US of A, braiding your hair is not cheap! Just to do basic Ghana braids, I pay at least $60. At the current exchange rate of N414 to a dollar, it means I’ll be paying N24,840. For what nah!
15. Ride in a keke: Before I left Nigeria, there was no keke. The first time someone ever spoke to me about keke, I was so clueless. And I was so ashamed that I did not know what keke was that I did not ask the person to explain. Eventually, I found out. So yeah, I’d like to ride in one, even if it’s for one minute … cause I’ve seen the way these keke drivers drive, and I have concluded that they are mad. Why else will keke be dragging road with trailer?
16. Visit my old stomping grounds in Jos: Although my parents no longer live in Jos, there are places that mean a lot to me in Jos. Like our former house and my secondary school, St. Louis College. I hope I get to go before I leave.
That’s it for now, but I’m sure my busy mind will think of more things I want to do in Nigeria.
Hehehehehe. Welcome in advance. Ube is in season so you are in luck.
For your Fura Fix, Visit Habib Youghurt
@Sewing new Clothes, bear in Mind that there are Tailors and there are TAILORS.
The Posing in Shoprite is everything sha. Lmao
Cosign Habib Yoghurt. Asokoro Suya too
Your list of things to do are actually cool.
As for the clothes, if you know your way around, you can get it for much more cheaper price. Lagos Island market is Bae for all kinds of fabric.
As for shoprite, I personally have beef for them. Until the government starts to invest in local brands
Babe! You’ve been away too long. Pourqoi? Anyway, seeing Naija through our eyes won’t help. You need to feel it yourself. We’ve got KFC, Domino’s pizza and coldstone (even in Ibadan). But one city that’s remained the least progressive is Port-Harcourt – I need to get out of that place ASAP!. But we look forward to having you back…hola!
#15,000???me that makes cloth for #2,000 and its still fine self. Well, the ATM isn’t that day ‘s job like that o.. I’m even tired of shoprite self. You should also anticipate the traffic, queue at the banking hall and fuel station sometimes. Then the market too
I LOVE YOU BUT
Wow! 16 years? I doubt I could survive that. I thought Chimamanda lived in the USA with her husband and baby? Sewing Ankara cloth is quite cheap here agreed, you can even get tailor that will collect N800 outside Lagos state but the problem is getting a tailor that actually knows what he or she is doing. Good luck with that. Secondly, opening an account is getting relatively easy, some banks even offer account opening service online. Using the ATM isn’t always a nightmare. Shoprite is overrated in my opinion, there are some other small shops that are cheaper and offer more variety however I dig their food and pastry section, that’s were they win hands down. All in all, Nigeria has really changed so be prepared. Enjoy using recharge cards when you come but remember data is a bit pricey and no unlimited data offer yet. The only company offering that for now is Smile network and it’s priced at N20,000 per month. That’s really steep. Enjoy!
Shoprite is like walmart+giant combo. It’s domiciled in a mall along with several other stores but people refer to the mall as shoprite.
As for sewing, sha don’t bring them to me for alteration..
Have fun and enjoy urself, beht keep my Ada Verastic away from moskitos o!
Vera, you mean you don’t have a money printing machine at home? Everyone does o.
I pray you get to go to Nigeria soon. You can open a Nigerian account online – GTB
Your best friend lives in the same Maryland with you na. I think Columbia …. it’s time to start hitting the child-friendly parks there. Just bump Ada’s baby stroller into Chimamanda’s baby’s own.
Lol. Vera, you like food oh. 😛
In other news, I recently discovered your blog and subscribed immediately to avoid stories that touch. I love you!!!
Suya and Masa is the truth! I miss that too. I also grew up in Jos.
I also miss Masa da Miyan Taushe. I’m salivating just thinking of it…
Make sure you eat shawarma – or better yet, suyarma! And bole and fish!
http://www.berrydakara.com
Ask Vera:
Beht why haven’t you been in Naija for so long?
😀
Hahaha! Sorry to laugh Vera but your list is so funny! Why? Because the simple things of life are the ones you want the most. Which is kinda sweet. Okay let me tell you the ones that are funny to me1) Getting a Nigerian account Lol Thats very necessary. Then pls using the ATM is NOT a whole day affair! Haba! Some people can exaggerate. It depends on where you use it. Its as quick and as easy as ABC. 2) Discovering Mainland & ‘Island’… Lagos is made up of a group of islands. the beachy Island part with seaside property is such as Banana Is, Victoria Island, Ikoyi, Lekki etc are the more pricy parts while the mainland such as Ikeja, Surulere, Yaba etc are much more cheaper. Most people live on the mainland and commute to the Island for work, business etc You just need to watch out for the rush hour and the legendary traffic. 3) Shoprite – There are actually two or rather three Shoprites now! The first one is in Lekki and trust me it more than just a grocery store! Lol – The second one is in Ikeja; much bigger and with more shops and the newest is along the Lekki Road. All with cinemaplexes etc. I wish you the very best as you enjoy your stay in Lagos. Just keep an open mind and dont expect every thing to be ‘as it is in U.S’, it is not. This is Nigeria, things work a little differently here. Enjoy! 🙂
I forgot to add there is even Uber in Nigeria now. At least in Lagos. And it works perfectly.. Don’t believe all the negative stories you hear about naija. Some people might just be having a bad day and like to moan.
Try getting a ride in autorickshaw aka “keke” its another unique experience, dont know if you have gotten a ride in one before….I think I would write an article about 20 things I would love to do when I visit America…thanks for the inspiration.
http://uyaing.blogspot.com
Have fun Vera!! When are you coming to Calabar?
Lol!!! Laughed hard reading this! My goodness! Made me understand how it feels the other way round. Best time to visit Lagos is Christmas! A lot of activity. Not sure you will get corn and ube though at that time . As for shoprite , it’s a grocery store in a Mall, make that a mini mall , although now a few stand alones exists. There’s Uber! The joys of not haggling with cab drivers. Cinema + Nigerian popcorn is bae. Sharwama too. There’s a lot of the little things we take for granted, it would be fun to see them through your eyes.
Vera thank for your advise today…. You are a truly a SENIOR BLOGGER 🙂
#TopRadio
16 years is a while! It’s hard to iamginehow you’ve not done some of these things like recharge card and Keke and a Nigerian bank account! Loooool!! So hilarious. Looking forward to reading all about your experience!
http://www.KacheeTee.com
Thank you, KacheeTee. Yeah, it’s hard to fathom, I know. But I have now done some of those things.
I didn’t see bole and fish on your list. Nigerian experience is not complete without savouring this delicacy. It’s a must have!
Hahahaha. I have one confession: I have never eaten bole and fish together. I did, however, eat grilled catfish, and it was The. Bomb.