While we (women) may want to crucify our men for being unashamedly obsessed with looking at other women’s asses, with this kind of yansh, I cannot be vexed.  In fact, Mariann Gavelo walked past me and Igwe, I’ll be the one staring, and Igwe would be asking me why I’m looking at her like that.

There is something about her booty though. It looks like it’s sitting lower than regular booties. Although, of course, it can be argued that there is nothing regular about this booty.

I think it’s totally real. I feel like I should be allowed to touch it. You know, just to feel the texture.

So, what do you think anyway? Real or fake?

The post Real Or Fake: Mariann Gavelo’s Onion Booty! appeared first on Verastic.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Couples who are NOT the people I’m talking about (but who look good on my blog)

Whether you are aware of it or not, many inter-tribal relationships have died an untimely death because of the tribal differences between the couple. Parents, elders, and friends have rained down fire and brimstone to see to it that this sacrilegious union does not get to the altar. The strong couples come out of it beaten, bruised, but alive nonetheless. The weaker ones — well, they inspire me to write this.

The most popular union seems to be the one between the Igbos and the Yorubas. With this in mind, I have compiled a list, specially for everyone who is currently in such a relationship.  If you have been pressured into breaking up because of tribal differences and you have no idea why you should – or if you should, then I am here to help you make that decision. Please read, digest, and understand the lists below.

Reasons Igbos Should NOT Marry Yorubas:

1. They’re dirty.

2. All they know how to do is party.

3. They eat too much oil.

4. Their women flirt/sleep around too much.

5. Their men will ALWAYS cheat with a Yoruba woman.

6. They are loud and obnoxious. You can hear them from a mile away.

7.  They are wild. They are the real “Akata” people.

8. They are Nigeria’s problem.

9. They don’t understand the Igbo culture.

10.  They do too much juju.

11.  They betrayed the Igbos during the Biafran war.

12. And to top the list, they are not Igbo.

Reasons Yorubas Should NOT Marry Igbos:

1. They’re rude; they have no respect.

2. All they know how to do is chase money.

3. Their pounded yam is as hard as stone.

4. They don’t put enough oil and spice in their food.

5. Their in-laws are wicked! The husband’s family will always maltreat the woman.

6. They cannot speak Yoruba, and even if they can, they do not know our culture.

7. They will sell their brother for money.

8. They won’t let us play our fuji music at home.

9. They’re Nigeria’s problem. They keep trying to divide us.

10. When their women die, their bodies have to be returned to Igbo Land to be buried.

11. They eat human beings.

12. And the mother of all crimes, they are not Yoruba.

Top 12 Reasons You Should NOT Consider Before Getting Married

1. He/she does not appreciate you.

2. He/she has a turbulent past and a shaky present.

3. He/she can never be faithful to you. And you know this.

4. You have nothing in common, except your tribe, of course.

5. Your dreams, values, and aspirations couldn’t be further apart from each other – even if you stretched them thin.

6. He/she just doesn’t get you.

7. He/she knows how to bring out the worst in you.

8. You cannot quite place your finger on it, but you know that something isn’t right with this relationship.

9. You know that you know that you know that you cannot count on him/her to be there when you need him/her.

10. He/she has no ambition whatsoever.

11. Even with a gun to your head, you cannot vouch for him/her.

12. And the least of all, he/she has done nothing to imply that he/she might be remotely in love with you.

Bonus reason: he/she continuously picks his/her friends and family over you.

If you find yourself confused by the tone of this list, go back to the beginning and read it again till the end.  And just like the tributes in The Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Alternatively, you can find a partner who is Chinese-Iraqi, born in India, and fluent in Portuguese  and Italian. There is no list for that. Yet.

The post There Are Still 12 Top Reasons Why Igbos And Yorubas Should Not Marry appeared first on Verastic.

I’ve been reading a lot of labels, and I find myself more attracted to the natural stuff. My hair is natural, though a lot of people don’t know because I never leave my hair out. I have my hair in twisties right now, and it’s my first time ever doing this. Because of my love of and attraction to natural hair care products, I have also been looking at natural skin care products.

Lotion, apricot scrub, and body wash

And that was how I discovered rediscovered St. Ives. I’ve known of St. Ives for years, but I have never known that they make “natural” products. I did read somewhere online though, that St. Ives has done a complete overhaul of their products and has made them more natural, which makes me assume that their products have not always been this natural.

All of St. Ives products boast of being made of natural ingredients. I currently own all three products above, but I am yet to use the body wash. I really, really like the Apricot Scrub which has natural exfoliants, but I cannot say yet if it works because I have been using it only for a little over a week. I like the texture of the lotion, too, and I absolutely love the fragrance, too (same with the body wash).

The thing that baffles me is how affordable St. Ives is. Their lotion is four dollars and some change, and so is the scrub and the  body wash. So these three items cost less than $15, and that is not bad, considering that natural products usually cost more. And that’s another reason why I don’t understand why St. Ives is so affordable.

I also read online  - and I cannot verify it – that St. Ives still uses emulsifiers which natural lotions shouldn’t use as these clog up our pores and cause us to break out. Somewhere in my head, I’m wondering if St. Ives is playing semantics by saying their products are made with 100% ingredients. Does it mean that all the ingredients are 100% natural? Or does it mean that there are some 100% natural ingredients in it? For example, if the lotion contains raw shea butter and some alcohol, it can still be argued that it has natural ingredients (because of the shea butter), right? That wouldn’t necessarily mean that all of the ingredients are natural, correct?

I really want to know what you think of St. Ives. Have you ever used any of their products? Did/do you like it? Do you think it’s actually natural? Am I just over thinking it?

The post How Natural Is St. Ives? appeared first on Verastic.

7 things you do, but should really stop doing when you  e-mail bloggers (especially me):

1.  You address me as “Dear Blogger”

2.  You refer to my blog as “your media platform”

3.  You don’t introduce yourself; you just go straight to the point (Nigerian PR agents, please take special note!)

4.  You address me as “Dear Sir/Madam” (Nigerian PR agents, please take special note)

5.  You send the e-mail to me and 100 other people (and you do not use BCC)

6.  You misspell my name and/or blog

7.  You address me by the wrong name

Any one of these is enough for me to delete your mail without even bothering to read it. So if you e-mail me and don’t hear back from me, it could be because of any one of these reasons.

The post How NOT To E-mail Bloggers appeared first on Verastic.

“Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.”

~ Angelina Jolie

I just read about Angelina Jolie’s decision to have a double mastectomy to rapidly decrease her chances of having breast cancer from 87% to merely under 5%.  You know, after the divorce between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, I didn’t like Angelia Jolie very much. I admired her as an actress and as a philanthropist  but I didn’t like her for breaking what I knew was a beautiful marriage, a match made in heaven.

Then I turn on my computer this morning to see that Angelina Jolie is trending on Twitter, and it’s all because of her double mastectomy  All of a sudden, I don’t care what she did or did not do to break up Brad’s and Jennifer’s marriage. And I’m wondering why the hell I’ve been taking Tylenol for someone else’s headache. And who even told me that Brad’s and Jennifer’s marriage was perfect before Angelina?

So I as I read this op-ed piece by Angelina Jolie, all I could do was pray for her recovery, and for her to live a very long and fulfilled life, so her man and children can enjoy every bit of her. And considering that the cost of gene testing in America is a whopping $3,000, I know that most women will not be able to afford this, so I also pray that the testing becomes more affordable and available. Amen.

_______________________________________________________________

MY MOTHER fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

My doctors estimated that I had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and a 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer, although the risk is different in the case of each woman.

Only a fraction of breast cancers result from an inherited gene mutation. Those with a defect in BRCA1 have a 65 percent risk of getting it, on average.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

It is reassuring that they see nothing that makes them uncomfortable. They can see my small scars and that’s it. Everything else is just Mommy, the same as she always was. And they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can. On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.

Brangelina

I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive. So to anyone who has a wife or girlfriend going through this, know that you are a very important part of the transition. Brad was at the Pink Lotus Breast Center, where I was treated, for every minute of the surgeries. We managed to find moments to laugh together. We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has.

For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options. I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.

I acknowledge that there are many wonderful holistic doctors working on alternatives to surgery. My own regimen will be posted in due course on the Web site of the Pink Lotus Breast Center. I hope that this will be helpful to other women.

Breast cancer alone kills some 458,000 people each year, according to the World Health Organization, mainly in low- and middle-income countries. It has got to be a priority to ensure that more women can access gene testing and lifesaving preventive treatment, whatever their means and background, wherever they live. The cost of testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2, at more than $3,000 in the United States, remains an obstacle for many women.

I choose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.

The post Angelina Jolie, The Brave appeared first on Verastic.

Then there are days like today where I have no idea what to blog about. I mean, I have things to blog about, but I just don’t have the creativity to do it. I’ve been sitting in front of my laptop and staring at the empty screen for hours. Literally. I don’t feel like blogging about what I feel like blogging about.

So, here I am, staring at my screen and wondering what to blog about. Obviously, only one thing came to mind, which is why I am here now telling you that I don’t feel like blogging today. But I promise, I’ll get my act together. Come tomorrow, there will be a brand spanking new blog post for your total enjoyment.

I love you.

The post I Don’t Know What To Tell You appeared first on Verastic.

Recently, I hung out with Kemi and her husband was not home. When I asked about him, she told me he was ill and in the hospital. I expressed my sympathy, but I didn’t ask what his ailment was because you know, that’s personal, and sometimes people don’t like to discuss their health concerns.

However, Kemi felt the need to tell me what was wrong with him (and I, of course, was all too happy to listen). He had too much sperm. I was sure she meant to say that he had too little sperm. Besides, since when did we start having such a condition as too much sperm? Well, apparently it exists. And I do not remember the medical name for it now.

According to Kemi, her husband actually has two problems: (1) Production of too much sperm, and (2) Too potent.  Yes, he produces too much sperm, and when he does, it is too potent. This is the reason – according to her – why they have three kids and counting. “People think we have sex all the time, but we don’t. He touches me once and I get pregnant,” she said. I don’t know about you, but for me, the sound of hearing that one touch gets her pregnant has me feeling all kinds of girly. Oh, the possibilities!

She went on to tell me that his problem was so massive that his sperm was being used for research in a well-known hospital because researchers want to know what it is that causes a man to produce such a ridiculous amount of sperm, and at such high potency, too.  She said that he produces so much sperm that the doctors have to go inside his penis with a needle and syringe to suck out the excess sperm. Ouch much?

As every illness, there is always some kind of treatment or relief. For Kemi’s husband, the doctor has recommended that he has sex at least three times a day for the next nine months. I imagine the men reading this right now and wondering why they don’t have such a diagnosis and treatment plan.

Well, Kemi responded to the doctor’s prescription by saying, “Well, not with me! We have three children. How am I supposed to have sex three times a day?” And really, how do you have sex three times a day with three children under six years old? Even jobless, children-less people may have a hard time with this schedule, so I imagine that three children under six will make it six times harder.

She said she has given him three options: (1) Masturbate (2) Donate his sperm to a sperm bank, and (3) Get a side chick. He has said no on all counts. He doesn’t like to masturbate, he won’t donate his sperm because that would mean that he has children running around that he does not know about, and he will not get a side chick because he is a happily married man.

I freaked out at the mention of him having a side chick, but Kemi was all too confident that even if he had a side chick, she would not stay long because she, too, will not be able to keep up with his sexual demands. Well, that’s one way to be confident in your relationship.

So errr which one of my male readers has too much sperm? And when would you like me to help you fix it — by directing you to Funmie, of course.

P.S. The excess sperm makes him hard. A lot.

P.P.S. So the next time I saw Kemi’s husband, guess where my eyes were looking at (against my will, of course!)?

The post I Met A Man With Too Much Sperm appeared first on Verastic.

Although the video doesn’t really have anything that’s new or unexpected, I still like it.  The only thing I like more than the video is the girls. I mean the two girls in the black and white print leggings. My eyes were practically glued to the screen as I watched the way their butts went up and down, front and back. So fluid. Then I began to wonder, I wonder how the men feel watching this video, considering that even as a girl, I couldn’t stop looking?

P.S. I love that the song started with Don Jazzy. And I especially love the way he said, “Original Pu-ro-doo-za (producer)” in his Igbo accent. Sweet.

P.P.S. I am not going to practice and try to move my yansh like the girls in the video.

The post New Video: Wande Coal ft Don Jazzy – The Kick appeared first on Verastic.

So my friend, Uju (yes, the doctor one who is always giving me reasons to not sleep at night) said we should start using anti aging cream because Iman said it’s better to start using it now than later. See me see trouble oh. I am still in my twenties! So I thought to myself, Uju must be crazy if she thinks that I – a very young, fresh, happening twenty-something year old girl and fountain of youth – will start using anti aging cream. The gods forbid it!

1. Iman (57)  ||| 2. Cindy Crawford (47) ||| 3. Jane Fonda (75) ||| 4.  Halle Berry (46)

Still, I indulged her in this idea. And we talked about the brands of anti aging cream. Where does one even begin? Shall we start from the drug store brands like Olay, Roc, Neutrogena, L’oréal, etc? In fact, I think almost all beauty brands have some sort of anti aging cream, and they all swear that they are the best; they all promise to have you looking sixteen in no time – not in those exact words. Or shall we go to the department store brands like Lancomê and Clinique? Those ones are on the higher end. And then, there are ones that people like me don’t even know of because they are not for people with my kind of income. You know, those ones that cost more than my rent.

According to what I read, the anti aging industry is a multi billion dollar industry, and it’s easy to see why. Women are so obsessed with not aging, and I wonder if we are fighting the inevitable. There are all kinds of things for women to use to make us drink from the river of Forever Young, but the problem is that try as we might, we just cannot be forever young. These anti aging remedies have ingredients like retinol, peptides, and collagen, and I am pretty sure that the average person has no idea what these are or how exactly they kill the demon of aging. They all promise to visibly reduce signs of aging like wrinkles and fine lines.

There are also treatments like botox, chemical peels, and the famous vampire facial that Kim Kardashian did, all to make us look younger. But why are we so obsessed with youth? My most memorable discussion about youth was with a woman who works as a personal trainer at LA Fitness. She told me, “I can give you what I have (fitness), but you can never give me what you have. You have youth.” I thought it was profound. Indeed, she could teach me how to acquire six packs in two easy sit ups, but there was nothing I could do to take her from her fifties and back to her twenties. I also remember once it was really sunny outside – the kind that blinds – and Uju refused to squint her eyes in spite of the sun being in her face because squinting your eyes will cause wrinkles. I chose to squint my eyes and retain my sight.

According to an article I read on WebMD (and yes, I know that WebMD isn’t the Journal of Medicine), the best thing that people in their twenties and thirties can do to maintain their skin is avoid smoking and apply sunscreen (at least spf 30) every single day. I do not smoke, but I don’t use any sunscreen either. None whatsoever. I have also read many times that water intake improves the quality of skin. And more times than I care to remember, I have been told that “Black don’t crack,” and I take that to mean that in addition to using spf 30 everyday, drinking lots of water, and not smoking, you can also be Black.

I’m writing this now because when I went to Walmart yesterday, I found myself staring confusingly and longingly at the anti aging aisle. From lotions to creams to mists, and to serums, and from eye creams to lip creams to neck creams, and to hand creams, I stared at each of them. And when I left, I was more confused than I was when I went there. I am not completely sure yet if I regret going there. But I would like to know what other women, especially ones around my age do – if anything – for their anti aging regimen.

What kind of anti aging cream do you use? How long have you been using it? Are there visible changes? About how much do you spend on your anti aging regimen?

The post Ladies, Let’s Talk About Anti Aging Creams appeared first on Verastic.

And that’s why this porn movie is all kinds of confusing. We first met AfroCandy in 2010 when she released her song, Ikebe Na Money. Back then, we thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever. If only we knew what was coming next. Now in hindsight, I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising because she was almost naked in the music video anyway.

AfroCandy’s new movie is called Destructive Instinct 3 & 4. I’m assuming that Destructive Instinct 1 & 2 is floating around somewhere. When I first came across the “trailer” for this “movie,” I just assumed that it was Cossy. She’s the one who goes above and beyond to show us her yansh and tell us that she doesn’t care what we think. Really, I don’t care either.

AfroCandy in one of her scenes

Afrocandy herself

It was only after watching the video that I realized it was AfroCandy, not Cossy. The movie has AfroCandy baring breasts and ass and doing things on camera that she really shouldn’t be doing. You don’t need to watch the movie to know that it has no plot; the trailer does a good job of conveying that over and over. The lighting, sound, acting, set … SUCKS. The sex sucks, too. Did anyone actually get turned on by this thing?

The thing about porn and Nollywood (although Nollywood would probably distance itself from this movie, as it really should) is that we (Nigerians) have not quite mastered the act of pretend love making. I mean, we have not mastered how to act the love making scene. Love/sex scenes in Nigerian movies are usually just loud, awkward, funny, and unbelievable. It usually involves strange noises and faces that look like they are either defecating or in extreme pain, none of which is sexy to listen to or look at.

I watched the preview twice because I think I may have passed out the first time. I cannot put the video of the trailer up here because it just has too much nudity. However, if you are that interested in seeing it, then you can do so here.

And in case you don’t remember her song, Ikebe Na Money, then here’s the video. Enjoy.

The post What Do AfroCandy And Porn Have In Common? appeared first on Verastic.