Archive for March 2011

I have been asked several times about how Mr. Shoes and I met. Until now, I have concealed that information, and by the time you're done reading, you'll understand why I have kept that information hidden. Why am I sharing the information now? Honestly, I don't know. Perhaps, it has something to do with my very good mood. I did, after all, just buy myself a new shirt today. Read more

I was at Funmie's house on Saturday to give her the pleasure of perming my hair. It had been almost six months since I last permed my hair. Now my hair is so thin and short, I can't stop touching it. I feel like I can count all its strands. The last time I washed my hair, it was so tangled that while I combed it, I could literally feel the hair pulling off the follicles on my scalp. Never again will I put myself through that. But I digress.

While I was at Funmie's house, Ireti decided to make a list. By the way, I should clarify that Ireti is Funmie's baby sister, not Funmie's daughter as is widely speculated. Yes, they have the same father and mother. Yes, Funmie's parents are baaaaadddd!  No, neither Funmie nor I witnessed the conception of Ireti. Uhm, eww.  I digress again. Read more

So, there I was minding my business. You know I'm always minding my business. A Facebook friend sent me a message via Facebook (totology?) and she directed me to an article that related to my six inch penis post.  By the way, she warned me not to mention her name, so henceforth, we shall refer to her as my Facebook Penis Friend. I'm sure she'd like that a lot better. Read more

There are so many things I could be blogging about right now. I could do the underwear post.  I've been meaning to put that one up - more like type it up in the first place.  I could do my first fortune cookie fortune post. You know those little fortunes you get inside the fortune cookies? Well, I love them. They're the reason I insist on getting my fortune cookie whenever I order Chinese food. The lady knows me for that. I could do another Lyrics & Vera post.  I could do a write-up of some sort. I haven't done one since --- well, never mind.  I still haven't started my VP posts. Neither have I started my Spotlight posts.  I could should even do the review for Ekene Onu's new book, Can I Be Real? Read more

If you had asked me some years ago what I wanted in a man, I would have said, "Tall, Christian, God-fearing, educated, older than me, good job, people person ... and a six-inch long penis." There was only one thing wrong with my desire for a six-inch long penis: I had never seen one. Read more

So I was at the dollar store looking for Ghana-Must-Go bags. You know them now! I went through the store once and didn't find the bags, but I was sure they had them. I went up to the cashier to ask for directions to the Ghana-Must-Go aisle, and that was when kasala busted.  It was only then I realized that after one decade in America, I had never called the Ghana-Must-Go bag anything other than Ghana-Must-Go. Facing this Asian woman, I knew better than to ask for the Ghana-Must-Go bag. How would I have explained to this woman that I was not in fact saying that Ghana, the country should go anywhere, but that I was instead asking for a bag that was nicknamed after Ghana going somewhere? I have an idea how that conversation would have gone. If you can, imagine the woman in her Asian accent. Read more

You know you want to live in New York, New York.

You know you want to work at New York Times.

You can't wait to get on the subways and trains.

You're heard a lot about McDonald's and Burger King, and you're salivating to eat them.

You've set up your domiciliary accounts in Nigeria where you'll be sending all your dollars - by the thousands, maybe millions.

You've picked a plot of land to buy, and once you send your first batch of dollars, the land will be purchased, and building will commence. Read more